Tom Segura: Disgraceful

403 00:24:02,523 --> 00:24:07,403 I mean, obviously, I'm not talking about you guys. But, uh... 404 00:24:08,946 --> 00:24:12,741 No, I've been on this tour for a long time. Too long. 405 00:24:12,826 --> 00:24:15,828 And I meet people sometimes after shows, you know. 406 00:24:15,912 --> 00:24:18,789 I meet people, and it's always a roll of the dice. 407 00:24:18,874 --> 00:24:21,460 I've been meeting lunatics. I mean, I meet people. 408 00:24:21,542 --> 00:24:25,005 I met a guy after a show recently. I'm shaking people's hands, saying hi. 409 00:24:25,087 --> 00:24:26,923 Guy comes up to me, he goes, uh... 410 00:24:28,549 --> 00:24:30,093 And I go, "What?" 411 00:24:31,845 --> 00:24:33,262 And he goes... 412 00:24:34,096 --> 00:24:36,266 I said, "Where am I from originally?" 413 00:24:36,348 --> 00:24:37,392 And he goes... 414 00:24:39,769 --> 00:24:42,646 I said, "I was born in Cincinnati, but I moved around a lot. 415 00:24:42,730 --> 00:24:44,065 Yeah! 416 00:24:44,148 --> 00:24:45,066 And he goes, "Huh." 417 00:24:49,695 --> 00:24:52,240 And I go, "Are you a person that's talking to me right now?" 418 00:24:54,326 --> 00:24:55,618 And he goes, "Yeah." 419 00:24:56,661 --> 00:24:59,288 And then I decipher that what he's saying is, 420 00:24:59,372 --> 00:25:01,333 "I'm from Lafayette, Louisiana, 421 00:25:01,415 --> 00:25:03,375 about 20 miles south of there. 422 00:25:03,460 --> 00:25:07,047 There's a bunch of Seguras down there. I thought maybe you're from there too." 423 00:25:07,130 --> 00:25:09,132 And I go, "Oh. Fuckin' no." 424 00:25:13,094 --> 00:25:16,138 And then I realized, we have this whole population 425 00:25:16,222 --> 00:25:21,560 of Cajun people living amongst us, like they're one of us. 426 00:25:22,604 --> 00:25:23,646 And they're not. 427 00:25:24,564 --> 00:25:26,273 Why do they have rights? 428 00:25:28,984 --> 00:25:31,779 This guy had the audacity to ask me, he goes... 429 00:25:34,199 --> 00:25:36,867 I said, "Did you just ask me if there's a Redbox around here?" 430 00:25:39,578 --> 00:25:41,580 I go, "I don't fuckin' work here." 431 00:25:43,040 --> 00:25:46,336 Like, I thought he was moments away from being like, "I do declare. 432 00:25:46,419 --> 00:25:50,257 I am a cartoon character and I've come to life." 433 00:25:50,339 --> 00:25:51,549 Here's all I'm saying. 434 00:25:51,633 --> 00:25:56,471 I support building a wall if it's around the state of Louisiana 435 00:25:56,555 --> 00:25:59,848 because those people are out of their fuckin' minds. 436 00:26:03,894 --> 00:26:06,146 You fuckin' swamp people, we don't need you. 437 00:26:11,027 --> 00:26:12,028 What are we gonna miss out on? 438 00:26:12,112 --> 00:26:13,738 "Where you gonna get your shrimp?" 439 00:26:13,821 --> 00:26:15,531 Oh. 440 00:26:15,615 --> 00:26:16,865 What a contribution. 441 00:26:18,367 --> 00:26:20,244 "No more gator, no more shrimp." 442 00:26:22,998 --> 00:26:24,583 Fuckin' inbreds. So... 443 00:26:27,586 --> 00:26:29,587 Cracker-ass inbreds, we don't need you. 444 00:26:31,047 --> 00:26:33,340 Fuckin' tell 'em. They'll see this shit. 445 00:26:33,424 --> 00:26:34,968 Fuck you, cracker. So... 446 00:26:39,013 --> 00:26:41,348 Probably checked in to 400 hotels this year. 447 00:26:41,432 --> 00:26:45,894 And when I tell you that this has happened to me more than half a dozen times, 448 00:26:45,979 --> 00:26:47,980 I am not exaggerating. 449 00:26:48,440 --> 00:26:51,651 Every hotel check-in begins, usually, the same. It's standard. 450 00:26:51,734 --> 00:26:55,029 Hotels, you know, the people at the desk, they go, "Last name?" 451 00:26:55,113 --> 00:26:57,115 And this just happened to me. "Last name?" 452 00:26:57,198 --> 00:26:58,325 And I go, "Segura." 453 00:26:58,407 --> 00:27:01,327 And the guy goes, "Whoa. Are you Japanese?" 454 00:27:05,039 --> 00:27:07,083 And I go, "Hundred percent, yeah." 455 00:27:09,251 --> 00:27:12,588 He goes, "We don't get a lot of Japanese people here. That's pretty cool." 456 00:27:14,465 --> 00:27:18,178 So, I have to stop him, and go, "Hey, man. I'm not Japanese." 457 00:27:18,803 --> 00:27:20,555 And he goes, "Segura. 458 00:27:23,849 --> 00:27:26,478 Segura! 459 00:27:27,729 --> 00:27:29,105 Sounds Japanese." 460 00:27:30,147 --> 00:27:32,483 I go, "That's 'cause you're saying it Japanese. 461 00:27:34,193 --> 00:27:37,364 I could be Smith, and if you want to go 'Smith...' 462 00:27:37,446 --> 00:27:39,824 then it's Japanese." 463 00:27:41,034 --> 00:27:44,119 And he goes, "Well, what are you?" Which is fuckin' rude. 464 00:27:45,788 --> 00:27:48,750 Can I just say, it's never important to ask that question. 465 00:27:48,833 --> 00:27:51,795 "What are you?" It's never important to ask that. 466 00:27:52,211 --> 00:27:53,630 It's sometimes important, but... 467 00:27:53,712 --> 00:27:55,757 not a lot. 468 00:27:56,257 --> 00:28:00,053 When is it important? Sushi chef, accountant, 100-meter dash. 469 00:28:00,135 --> 00:28:01,930 Outside of that... 470 00: