Bill Burr: Live at Red Rocks

Hey, it happened. 549 00:30:30,852 --> 00:30:33,271 You're groaning at history, all right? 550 00:30:33,354 --> 00:30:35,899 You can shake your heads all you want, but… 551 00:30:36,441 --> 00:30:37,483 Hey, hey! 552 00:30:39,444 --> 00:30:42,405 They fucked those people, all right? 553 00:30:42,488 --> 00:30:45,366 And they were banging away, doctors with their fuckin' lab coats 554 00:30:45,450 --> 00:30:47,869 flappin' in the wind, just banging away, 555 00:30:47,952 --> 00:30:50,205 until finally… for decades… 556 00:30:50,288 --> 00:30:52,332 finally somebody with a heart came walking in, 557 00:30:52,415 --> 00:30:54,834 "Hey, what the fuck is going on here?" 558 00:30:56,211 --> 00:31:00,465 And then they shut it down and then they just let all these people go. 559 00:31:00,548 --> 00:31:02,467 They all came running out like Mike Myers, 560 00:31:02,550 --> 00:31:05,011 jumping up on station wagons and shit. 561 00:31:07,347 --> 00:31:10,642 So that's the thing, you go during the day. 562 00:31:11,809 --> 00:31:15,063 And I gotta tell you, when I pull up to one of these tent cities, 563 00:31:15,146 --> 00:31:16,522 I always feel good about myself. 564 00:31:16,606 --> 00:31:18,816 "This is good, man, helping out a fellow American." 565 00:31:18,900 --> 00:31:20,527 "I would want them to do that for me." 566 00:31:20,610 --> 00:31:22,862 "It's fuckin' ridiculous people have to live like that." 567 00:31:22,946 --> 00:31:24,739 That's what I think when I'm in the car, 568 00:31:24,822 --> 00:31:27,450 and then the second I get out and that smell hits me, 569 00:31:27,534 --> 00:31:31,287 I'm like, "What the fuck am I doing? Jesus Christ, these people are animals!" 570 00:31:31,371 --> 00:31:32,580 Right? 571 00:31:33,998 --> 00:31:36,042 I would equate it to the same feeling you probably get 572 00:31:36,125 --> 00:31:38,753 if you were on a safari and you're in the Land Rover, 573 00:31:38,836 --> 00:31:40,672 and you look over and you see, like, a leopard. 574 00:31:40,755 --> 00:31:43,883 You're like, "Look at that leopard over there." Right? 575 00:31:43,967 --> 00:31:47,428 Then all of the sudden you go over a bump and fall out of the fuckin' Range Rover. 576 00:31:47,512 --> 00:31:48,805 "Oh, fuck, that's a leopard!" 577 00:31:53,518 --> 00:31:57,897 Yeah, so I pull up and I'm feeling like fuckin' Uncle Sam. 578 00:31:57,981 --> 00:32:00,900 Then I get out of the car and I'm like, "What the fuck am I doing?" 579 00:32:00,984 --> 00:32:02,610 I start walking like this. 580 00:32:03,319 --> 00:32:05,363 There's always some sort of movement going on, 581 00:32:05,446 --> 00:32:08,825 somebody fuckin' limping across the street or something. 582 00:32:10,243 --> 00:32:14,038 And I've never been able to get close enough to talk, really, to anybody. 583 00:32:14,122 --> 00:32:16,082 You know, like they do on the news. 584 00:32:16,165 --> 00:32:18,668 You know, like, "Jeez, have you been sitting in here, 585 00:32:18,751 --> 00:32:20,879 you know, for a couple of months?" 586 00:32:21,504 --> 00:32:24,757 "What is it like to be inside of this tent?" 587 00:32:24,841 --> 00:32:27,343 I always wondered how many people they had to choke out 588 00:32:27,427 --> 00:32:29,679 before they could get that fuckin' interview. 589 00:32:29,762 --> 00:32:32,765 You know, just comin' in… blow darts. 590 00:32:33,850 --> 00:32:35,560 Numbin' up everybody else. 591 00:32:36,352 --> 00:32:37,687 Building a perimeter. 592 00:32:38,605 --> 00:32:40,273 So, what I… 593 00:32:40,356 --> 00:32:42,483 What I do is I get about 30 yards away, 594 00:32:42,567 --> 00:32:45,612 and then I just start walking like this. 595 00:32:46,654 --> 00:32:48,698 And then I chicken out, I always chicken out. 596 00:32:48,781 --> 00:32:51,451 Thirty yards away, I just go, "Free shirts!" 597 00:32:52,368 --> 00:32:54,454 I run back to the car. 598 00:32:54,537 --> 00:32:57,081 And that's when your brain starts playing tricks on you. 599 00:32:57,165 --> 00:33:00,919 Like I'm convinced somebody just came running out of the tent with a 2-by-4. 600 00:33:01,920 --> 00:33:03,463 Running after me. 601 00:33:04,422 --> 00:33:09,093 So I always do a lap around my car before I get in it, you know. 602 00:33:09,177 --> 00:33:11,930 'Cause homeless people have horrible lateral movement. 603 00:33:12,013 --> 00:33:14,766 You know, from all those years of sleeping on the sidewalk, 604 00:33:14,849 --> 00:33:17,936 their hips are just junk, you know, like an NFL running back. 605 00:33:18,561 --> 00:33:22,023 They slow down like a cruise ship, go right up and over the horizon. 606 00:33:22,106 --> 00:33:26,027 So in that time, you go around, you get in your car, you drive away. 607 00:33:26,110 --> 00:33:27,362 You drive away. 608 00:33:27,946