Ricky Gervais: Armageddon

00:21:44,323 --> 00:21:46,563 And science also said that, in the near future, 417 00:21:46,643 --> 00:21:49,163 there's no reason, with proper care and attention, 418 00:21:49,243 --> 00:21:53,283 that human beings won't regularly live to 150 years old. 419 00:21:53,803 --> 00:21:58,283 Which is amazing, until you remember that we get a set number of brain cells, 420 00:21:58,363 --> 00:22:00,483 which we only lose. You can't get them back. 421 00:22:00,563 --> 00:22:05,403 So, in the future, there's gonna be 15 billion people on the planet. You know? 422 00:22:05,483 --> 00:22:09,523 Half of them are gonna be over 100, and they're all gonna have Alzheimer's. 423 00:22:09,603 --> 00:22:11,483 It's gonna be like Dawn of the Dead. 424 00:22:11,563 --> 00:22:14,363 It's gonna be fucking horrible. 425 00:22:14,443 --> 00:22:15,283 You know? 426 00:22:15,363 --> 00:22:17,043 My auntie died of Alzheimer's. 427 00:22:17,123 --> 00:22:19,483 Um, I don't know how you die of Alzheimer's. 428 00:22:19,563 --> 00:22:21,283 She forgot to live. Right? 429 00:22:23,963 --> 00:22:26,883 And for the last couple of years, she was in a home, 430 00:22:26,963 --> 00:22:29,883 and, uh, my cousin, her only kid, used to visit her, like, once a week. 431 00:22:29,963 --> 00:22:33,003 And it got more and more depressing, 'cause soon she didn't recognize him, 432 00:22:33,083 --> 00:22:35,683 and then she didn't know who she was, or-- and then she died. 433 00:22:35,763 --> 00:22:39,003 And at the funeral, we were sort of reminiscing about the good days. 434 00:22:39,083 --> 00:22:42,803 Some of the funny, absent-minded things she said and did. 435 00:22:42,883 --> 00:22:45,803 Then we realized, oh, probably, that was the beginning of the disease 436 00:22:45,883 --> 00:22:47,523 before it was diagnosed. 437 00:22:47,603 --> 00:22:49,243 And this is a true story. 438 00:22:49,323 --> 00:22:53,363 Once, my cousin went home from work, and he went in, and she went, 439 00:22:53,443 --> 00:22:55,963 "Your tea's in the oven. I've had mine already." 440 00:22:56,043 --> 00:22:57,683 He went, "Oh, cheers, Mum." And he-- 441 00:22:57,763 --> 00:22:59,563 It was like a fish pie, right? 442 00:22:59,643 --> 00:23:02,283 He ate the fish pie, then he went, "Oh God. Ooh." 443 00:23:02,363 --> 00:23:03,203 He ran upstairs… 444 00:23:04,923 --> 00:23:07,043 Vomited. Went back down and went, 445 00:23:07,123 --> 00:23:10,323 "Mum, the fish is off. I've just been really sick." 446 00:23:10,403 --> 00:23:13,083 And she said, "Yeah, it made me really sick." 447 00:23:18,163 --> 00:23:21,643 I've been looking into infant mortality rates recently. 448 00:23:21,723 --> 00:23:23,043 Um… 449 00:23:23,123 --> 00:23:27,083 For research. Not-- It's not a fucking fetish. Like… 450 00:23:30,003 --> 00:23:34,483 A child born today in the UK has a percentage chance of survival 451 00:23:34,563 --> 00:23:37,723 of 99.8%, which is incredible. 452 00:23:37,803 --> 00:23:40,083 I thought, "Is that just the mollycoddled West?" 453 00:23:40,163 --> 00:23:45,723 I was putting in Third World countries. And even in Africa, it's like 96.5%. 454 00:23:45,803 --> 00:23:47,123 In the wilds of Africa, 455 00:23:47,203 --> 00:23:49,803 where everything wants to fucking eat a newborn baby. 456 00:23:49,883 --> 00:23:51,523 Babies are vulnerable enough, aren't they? 457 00:23:51,603 --> 00:23:54,203 In Africa, a baby can be born in a mud hut. 458 00:23:54,283 --> 00:23:55,523 There's a lion outside. 459 00:23:55,603 --> 00:23:58,043 It's covered in blood. They can't wash it. They've got no water. 460 00:23:58,123 --> 00:24:00,443 Ooh, and it's already got AIDS. 461 00:24:02,003 --> 00:24:02,963 Now… 462 00:24:04,003 --> 00:24:06,483 by the time that joke goes on Netflix… 463 00:24:08,643 --> 00:24:10,203 …it'll be nuanced. 464 00:24:10,843 --> 00:24:14,963 There'll be an underlying satirical point, I'll claim. 465 00:24:15,043 --> 00:24:18,283 But, until then, all I've got is, 466 00:24:18,363 --> 00:24:21,083 "Ha, baby's got AIDS." 467 00:24:21,163 --> 00:24:25,643 I know that it's funny. I just have to work out why. 468 00:24:27,123 --> 00:24:28,923 Leave it with me. Leave it with me. 469 00:24:29,683 --> 00:24:31,843 Also, by the time that goes on Netflix, 470 00:24:31,923 --> 00:24:33,803 I'll have been playing arenas around the world. 471 00:24:33,883 --> 00:24:36,003 It'll be hitting hard. People will be laughing. 472 00:24:36,083 --> 00:24:39,603 So if you are an African woman, and you… you just had a baby in Africa, 473 00:24:39,683 --> 00:24:42,643 and the doctor goes, "Oh, I'm sorry, your baby's got AIDS." 474 00:24:42,723 --> 00:24:45,283 You go, "Oh my God." You're there… Baby's got-- 475 00:24:45,363 --> 00:24:48,843 You're there with your husband, and you