Bill Burr: Drop Dead Years

financial gesture to the woman in his life. 473 00:24:31,179 --> 00:24:32,638 You know what I mean? 474 00:24:32,639 --> 00:24:35,265 Like Valentine's Day, it just sneaks up on you every year. 475 00:24:35,266 --> 00:24:37,393 It's like, I just fucking got you something. 476 00:24:37,394 --> 00:24:39,728 I just paid the bill in January, 477 00:24:39,729 --> 00:24:41,398 and then here we fucking go again! 478 00:24:42,065 --> 00:24:45,150 When are you gonna feel loved, right? Jesus fucking Christ. 479 00:24:45,151 --> 00:24:48,570 Here you go! Here's something shiny! 480 00:24:48,571 --> 00:24:51,615 Are you happy? Oh, that's good. I'm glad you're happy. 481 00:24:51,616 --> 00:24:55,369 Don't mind me. I'm just over here in a walking depression. 482 00:24:55,370 --> 00:24:57,621 But as long as you're happy, 483 00:24:57,622 --> 00:24:59,331 as long as you're happy, I'm happy. 484 00:24:59,332 --> 00:25:01,000 Don't mind me. Hey, look at me! 485 00:25:01,001 --> 00:25:03,335 I'm over here! I'm learning how to make a crepe! 486 00:25:03,336 --> 00:25:05,879 Yeah! I'm learning how to make a crepe! 487 00:25:05,880 --> 00:25:08,048 "Wow, Bill, you have so many interests!" 488 00:25:08,049 --> 00:25:10,217 No, just sad. 489 00:25:10,218 --> 00:25:12,594 Just sad, you know? 490 00:25:14,305 --> 00:25:16,348 Just trying to quiet the voices, 491 00:25:16,349 --> 00:25:20,060 so I don't put rocks in my pocket and step in the pool! Okay? 492 00:25:20,061 --> 00:25:21,854 Who wants a crepe?! 493 00:25:24,190 --> 00:25:26,817 Yeah. There are a lot of sad men. 494 00:25:26,818 --> 00:25:29,611 I realize that, now that I know how fucked up I am. 495 00:25:29,612 --> 00:25:31,447 You can always... Like, I can see through the matrix. 496 00:25:31,448 --> 00:25:34,325 There's so many sad guys. They don't even know they're sad. 497 00:25:35,452 --> 00:25:36,994 Yeah. Ladies, you... You-You're married, 498 00:25:36,995 --> 00:25:38,620 you're probably married to a sad guy right now. 499 00:25:38,621 --> 00:25:40,873 That's what the fucking garage is for. 500 00:25:40,874 --> 00:25:43,459 That's what the garage is for! You tease him to your friends. 501 00:25:43,460 --> 00:25:47,087 "He's always out there working on that project. He's never gonna finish." 502 00:25:47,088 --> 00:25:50,174 Yeah, 'cause he can't see the measurement through the tears, right? 503 00:25:54,596 --> 00:25:57,431 I'll give you another classic fucking sad guy. 504 00:25:57,432 --> 00:26:01,477 That cool uncle you got? You know, the one that never got married, right? 505 00:26:01,478 --> 00:26:03,771 The one with the motorcycle? 506 00:26:03,772 --> 00:26:05,397 And you're looking at him, "Wow, he's so cool! 507 00:26:05,398 --> 00:26:07,900 He rides a motorcycle! He's not afraid to die!" 508 00:26:07,901 --> 00:26:09,777 Yeah, 'cause he died years ago 509 00:26:09,778 --> 00:26:12,363 when whatever happened to him happened to him. 510 00:26:13,698 --> 00:26:15,157 He comes over for the holidays. 511 00:26:15,158 --> 00:26:17,159 How long does he last, seeing a loving family? 512 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:19,661 He can't fucking handle it. He wants it, he doesn't know how to get it. 513 00:26:19,662 --> 00:26:21,455 "Gotta hit the trail!" 514 00:26:21,456 --> 00:26:23,374 Rides away. 515 00:26:23,375 --> 00:26:25,668 And you're like, "Wow, he's so cool!" 516 00:26:25,669 --> 00:26:28,712 That's 'cause you can't see the tears 517 00:26:28,713 --> 00:26:32,133 streaking down his face, conditioning his ponytail... 518 00:26:33,635 --> 00:26:35,761 as he rides off to f... 519 00:26:35,762 --> 00:26:39,139 to fuck some sleeve-tattooed traumatized woman. 520 00:26:43,770 --> 00:26:46,105 Is this too sad for even Seattle? 521 00:26:46,106 --> 00:26:49,191 Alright. 522 00:26:51,611 --> 00:26:53,946 Alright, well, I will give you, 523 00:26:53,947 --> 00:26:57,991 I will give you the number-one place to see sad men. 524 00:26:57,992 --> 00:27:00,911 Guitar Center. 525 00:27:00,912 --> 00:27:03,831 Oh, my God. 526 00:27:03,832 --> 00:27:07,251 One of the saddest places on Earth! 527 00:27:07,252 --> 00:27:10,838 Failed, struggling musicians behind the counter. 528 00:27:10,839 --> 00:27:14,675 A bunch of men in loveless marriages, or divorced, 529 00:27:14,676 --> 00:27:17,720 just walking around, looking at the guitars. 530 00:27:17,721 --> 00:27:20,014 "Is that a custom color? Is it? 531 00:27:20,015 --> 00:27:22,433 "Maybe if I add that to my collection, 532 00:27:22,434 --> 00:27:25,978 it'll fill up whatever this void is in the center of my chest." 533 00:27:29,232 --> 00:27:33,152 I don't know. I don't have any fucking solutions, but... 534 00:27:36,781 --> 00:27:38,658 Yeah, um... 535 00:27:40,160 --> 00:27:43,037 Anyway, what's funny... So,