Dave Chappelle: The Closer

[audience cheers] 470 00:26:31,840 --> 00:26:33,508 I'm just kidding, I didn't say that. 471 00:26:34,759 --> 00:26:36,761 I felt that way, but that's not what I said. 472 00:26:38,138 --> 00:26:40,181 I was more clever than that. You know what I said? 473 00:26:40,265 --> 00:26:41,474 And this is exactly what I said, I said, 474 00:26:41,558 --> 00:26:44,227 "Miss, before you finish that statement, let me ask you a question. 475 00:26:44,311 --> 00:26:45,603 Where did you see me? 476 00:26:46,563 --> 00:26:49,899 Did you buy a ticket to a concert I did, I doubt that. 477 00:26:49,983 --> 00:26:55,030 Or, maybe you watched one of my specials on Netflix. 478 00:26:55,113 --> 00:27:01,328 Or... Or... Did I follow you to your car and do my act?" 479 00:27:02,245 --> 00:27:03,455 She said, "What?" 480 00:27:03,538 --> 00:27:07,625 I said, "Keep it in the comments section, bitch, this is real life, ta-ta." 481 00:27:07,709 --> 00:27:09,336 [audience laughs] 482 00:27:10,045 --> 00:27:12,088 [applause] 483 00:27:15,675 --> 00:27:17,093 And then I drove off. 484 00:27:18,345 --> 00:27:19,637 And now I got to tell you 485 00:27:19,721 --> 00:27:22,474 and this is gonna surprise some people here, but not everybody. 486 00:27:23,099 --> 00:27:25,060 People say things to me all the time 487 00:27:25,143 --> 00:27:27,771 but what you don't know, is it does affect me. 488 00:27:27,854 --> 00:27:29,439 I think about it. 489 00:27:29,522 --> 00:27:32,150 And that one bothered me a lot, I was driving home, 490 00:27:32,233 --> 00:27:34,110 couldn't stop thinking about what this woman said 491 00:27:34,194 --> 00:27:37,197 because she is not the first woman that said that to me. 492 00:27:37,947 --> 00:27:40,033 It's puzzling. You know what I mean? 493 00:27:40,116 --> 00:27:42,952 Like, what could I possibly be saying... 494 00:27:44,871 --> 00:27:47,540 that would make these bitches think, I hate women. 495 00:27:47,624 --> 00:27:48,958 [laughter] 496 00:27:52,003 --> 00:27:53,213 Couldn't figure it out. 497 00:27:54,881 --> 00:27:56,132 So, you know what I did? 498 00:27:57,258 --> 00:27:59,969 I Googled the dictionary definition of a feminist 499 00:28:00,053 --> 00:28:03,223 just to make sure, I was talking about the right thing. 500 00:28:03,723 --> 00:28:05,642 And do you know, sir, 501 00:28:05,725 --> 00:28:08,978 what the dictionary definition of a feminist is? 502 00:28:09,479 --> 00:28:12,148 I didn't either, listen to this. 503 00:28:13,441 --> 00:28:16,027 Webster's defines a feminist 504 00:28:16,694 --> 00:28:19,781 as a human being, not a woman, 505 00:28:20,281 --> 00:28:25,829 a human being, that believes in equal rights for women. 506 00:28:25,912 --> 00:28:28,081 I was shocked, 'cause that is what that meant 507 00:28:28,164 --> 00:28:29,707 'cause by that definition 508 00:28:30,542 --> 00:28:34,879 I would consider myself a feminist, and I didn't even know that at the time. 509 00:28:34,963 --> 00:28:36,548 [applause] 510 00:28:41,052 --> 00:28:45,598 All these years, I thought it meant frumpy dyke. 511 00:28:45,682 --> 00:28:47,517 [audience laughs] 512 00:28:50,228 --> 00:28:54,691 Well, that seems always talking to be some... chick in overalls, 513 00:28:54,774 --> 00:28:56,151 "Men are trying to rape us." 514 00:28:56,234 --> 00:28:58,319 "Ah, not you bitch, will you please..." 515 00:28:58,403 --> 00:29:00,113 [audience laughs] 516 00:29:07,454 --> 00:29:12,500 I know, look, listen, I support the feminist movement, I do 517 00:29:12,584 --> 00:29:14,252 in my own ways. 518 00:29:14,335 --> 00:29:17,964 Well, you guys did the women's march, I tried to go and support you 519 00:29:18,465 --> 00:29:20,508 and none of my friends would go with me. 520 00:29:20,592 --> 00:29:22,677 I asked all the fellows, none of them wanted to go. 521 00:29:22,761 --> 00:29:24,971 I tried everything. "Come on y'all, there's gonna be bitches there." 522 00:29:25,054 --> 00:29:25,972 They was like, "Nope." 523 00:29:26,055 --> 00:29:27,932 [laughter] 524 00:29:29,642 --> 00:29:31,728 So what I did is, I called my friend Anj. 525 00:29:31,811 --> 00:29:34,856 Anj is a Black woman who is a comedy writer and she's dope. 526 00:29:34,939 --> 00:29:36,941 A matter of fact, a matter of fact, 527 00:29:37,025 --> 00:29:40,069 she's the only woman, that I know personally 528 00:29:40,153 --> 00:29:42,697 that pays her ex-husband alimony. 529 00:29:43,573 --> 00:29:45,825 And she sounds just like a man when she does it. 530 00:29:45,909 --> 00:29:48,828 "Fuck that broke motherfucker" and all that, she says all that shit. 531 00:29:49,537 --> 00:29:50,914 [applause] 532 00:29:52,248 --> 00:29:54,709 So I hit Anj up, I hit her on the text 533 00:29:54,793 --> 00:29:56,044 and all I did, I texted. I said, 534 00:29:56,127 --> 00:29:58,588 "Anj, are you going to the women's march?" 535 00:29:58,671 --> 00:30:02,509 And she texted me back, and this is a real text, she said... 536 00:30:04,135 --> 00:30:07,013 she said, "I hope those