Alan Partridge: Alpha Papa

552 00:31:01,902 --> 00:31:04,302 - If you want me to, I'll take it off. - Fucking take it off!! 553 00:31:04,446 --> 00:31:06,949 Oh, Pat, now you're making me want to wear it. 554 00:31:07,157 --> 00:31:09,080 This is not my bag. 555 00:31:09,284 --> 00:31:10,877 I'm-I'm-I'm.. a disc jockey. 556 00:31:11,036 --> 00:31:13,004 I'm sorry you got the sack. 557 00:31:13,163 --> 00:31:17,418 I'm 55 years old, I should be at home in bed watching funny videos on YouTube. 558 00:31:18,835 --> 00:31:21,429 "Sneezing panda" or "Charlie bit my finger". 559 00:31:22,214 --> 00:31:24,558 Have you seen "Fat woman falls down the hole"? 560 00:31:28,929 --> 00:31:30,647 - That's hilarious. Isn't it? - Yeah. 561 00:31:30,806 --> 00:31:32,774 I've seen it before, but, yeah. 562 00:31:32,933 --> 00:31:37,029 That.. That should be fenced off really, but erm.. I'm glad it wasn't. 563 00:31:37,979 --> 00:31:39,026 Great. 564 00:31:39,272 --> 00:31:42,151 Oh, yeah, I'm supposed to ask, where are the hostages? 565 00:31:42,317 --> 00:31:44,069 In there. 566 00:31:46,530 --> 00:31:48,624 Oh, my God!! 567 00:31:48,990 --> 00:31:51,869 That's like some son of zoo from Planet Of The Apes. 568 00:31:52,911 --> 00:31:55,539 Danny looks a bit.. bruised. 569 00:31:55,747 --> 00:31:57,749 I lost my temper a couple of times. 570 00:31:57,916 --> 00:32:00,669 - Three times. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, it was three. 571 00:32:01,670 --> 00:32:02,887 Go and say hello. 572 00:32:03,046 --> 00:32:05,890 - Give him a slap yourself, if you want. - Oh, no.. 573 00:32:07,884 --> 00:32:09,761 No, I'll just.. I'll just say hello. 574 00:32:10,846 --> 00:32:13,395 - Alan.. - Look, do the police know we're here? 575 00:32:13,557 --> 00:32:15,184 Alan!! What the hell's going on? 576 00:32:17,102 --> 00:32:19,025 Hey!! Hey, hey, hey!! 577 00:32:19,229 --> 00:32:22,278 Cool it with the cross-talk, you're professional broadcasters. 578 00:32:22,441 --> 00:32:25,069 - I'm not, I'm a writer. - We'll get through this with each other. 579 00:32:25,235 --> 00:32:28,865 I want everyone to shake hands with everyone else. Now!! Whether you want to or not. 580 00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:30,907 This is ridiculous. 581 00:32:31,074 --> 00:32:32,701 Ow. 582 00:32:32,909 --> 00:32:34,911 Hello, er.. Connor. 583 00:32:37,789 --> 00:32:39,257 - Paper. - Hi. 584 00:32:39,416 --> 00:32:42,420 OK. Pat will not communicate directly with the police. 585 00:32:42,586 --> 00:32:44,634 Only through me. 586 00:32:44,796 --> 00:32:48,141 So as of now, I am bullhorn. 587 00:32:48,300 --> 00:32:50,803 - But I think we're gonna be OK. - OK? He hit me!! 588 00:32:50,969 --> 00:32:54,644 Let's not get into who hit who or, you know, who may have deserved it. 589 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:56,854 You need to keep him away from me. Understand? 590 00:32:57,017 --> 00:32:58,735 What I need to do, Danny, 591 00:32:58,935 --> 00:33:01,108 in conjunction with Jason, is crisis management. 592 00:33:01,271 --> 00:33:03,432 I'm sure he'll agree there has been plenty of crisis.. 593 00:33:03,565 --> 00:33:06,239 <b>- But no management. - Cowabunga. Walk with me.</b> 594 00:33:07,986 --> 00:33:10,455 Alan, you do realise you're in the box seat here? 595 00:33:10,614 --> 00:33:12,036 You've got the guy's confidence. 596 00:33:12,199 --> 00:33:13,291 Yeah. I don't know why. 597 00:33:13,492 --> 00:33:16,712 I go for a curry with him once a year, and even then I don't have a starter. 598 00:33:16,870 --> 00:33:18,122 Trouble is, he does. 599 00:33:18,288 --> 00:33:20,256 All I need to know is can you handle it? 600 00:33:20,415 --> 00:33:21,792 Well, er.. 601 00:33:21,958 --> 00:33:24,586 Would you ask that of a man who'd gone paint-balling, 602 00:33:24,753 --> 00:33:27,927 realised he'd left his goggles at reception but carried on anyway? 603 00:33:28,131 --> 00:33:29,678 - Why? - You're looking at him. 604 00:33:29,925 --> 00:33:31,848 OK, guys, quick wa-wa. 605 00:33:32,010 --> 00:33:34,513 Just had a pow-wow with Jase, upshot is.. 606 00:33:35,180 --> 00:33:37,274 I'm gonna be his right-hand man on this one. 607 00:33:37,474 --> 00:33:40,273 He'll be um.. my left-hand man. 608 00:33:41,019 --> 00:33:42,771 <b>- Er.. - Sorry.</b> 609 00:33:42,938 --> 00:33:45,657 The point is, Pat has not gone mad. 610 00:33:46,107 --> 00:33:48,701 He has a grievance. He needs some son of outlet. 611 00:33:48,860 --> 00:33:55,084 This is Pat Farrell, welcoming you to Roll Out The Farrell on North Norfolk Digital. 612 00:33:55,283 --> 00:33:57,627 OK. Pat may have.. may have gone mad. 613 00:33:57,786 --> 00:33:59,834 He may have gone mad. 614 00:34:00,372 --> 00:34:03,672 <b>And now we have a text from Cynthia in Holt, who writes,</b> 615 00:34:03,833 --> 00:34:05,551 <b>Dear Pat, we are sending you a b...