Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels

531 00:34:56,928 --> 00:34:59,346 Who the hell's that? It's only 12:00. 532 00:35:00,974 --> 00:35:03,809 Use the cage, that's what it's there for. 533 00:35:08,023 --> 00:35:09,356 Who is it? 534 00:35:15,697 --> 00:35:18,449 We have got security for a reason, Willie. 535 00:35:18,533 --> 00:35:21,911 Chill, Winston. It's only Plank. 536 00:35:24,039 --> 00:35:26,081 This weed's getting quite a rep, you know, fellas. 537 00:35:26,166 --> 00:35:29,293 All right? Easy. Jesus! 538 00:35:30,879 --> 00:35:32,505 Never saw you there. 539 00:35:32,589 --> 00:35:34,882 Hello, love. Enjoying yourself? 540 00:35:36,384 --> 00:35:37,885 Is she compos? 541 00:35:37,969 --> 00:35:39,011 What do you think? 542 00:35:42,224 --> 00:35:43,307 Boo! 543 00:35:43,934 --> 00:35:45,351 Fuck me. 544 00:35:45,894 --> 00:35:47,770 Clean that up, Charles. 545 00:35:48,230 --> 00:35:49,480 Sod you. You clean it up. 546 00:35:49,564 --> 00:35:53,776 Sorry, fellas, but that stupid cow scared the fucking life out of me! 547 00:35:54,027 --> 00:35:56,654 Never mind. Can you just sit down? 548 00:35:56,738 --> 00:35:58,531 Stay out of the way? 549 00:36:01,201 --> 00:36:03,327 Look, how much is it you want? 550 00:36:03,411 --> 00:36:05,621 I'm after a half weight. 551 00:36:06,164 --> 00:36:08,415 Right, well, that's �1,500 then. 552 00:36:08,792 --> 00:36:10,751 Pass the scales, Willie. 553 00:36:12,921 --> 00:36:14,755 Give us some gear, J. 554 00:36:17,843 --> 00:36:21,679 Any chance of actually seeing the money? 555 00:36:30,272 --> 00:36:32,857 The odds are 100-to-one. 556 00:36:32,941 --> 00:36:35,109 All as we need is 5 grand. 557 00:36:35,861 --> 00:36:38,529 I'd rather put my money on a three-legged rocking horse. 558 00:36:38,613 --> 00:36:41,365 The odds are 100-to-one for a good reason, Bacon. 559 00:36:41,449 --> 00:36:42,783 You won't win. 560 00:36:43,952 --> 00:36:45,369 Where's Eddie? 561 00:36:45,453 --> 00:36:47,037 Where do you think? 562 00:36:47,122 --> 00:36:50,040 The bottom of a bottle. And has been for two days. 563 00:36:50,125 --> 00:36:51,458 It's hit him hard. 564 00:36:51,543 --> 00:36:53,210 Yeah, it's hit us all hard. 565 00:36:53,295 --> 00:36:56,505 Yeah, but he's got to tell his dad he's about to lose his bar. 566 00:36:56,590 --> 00:36:59,466 Listen to this one. You open up a company 567 00:36:59,551 --> 00:37:02,052 - called Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club. - You what? 568 00:37:02,137 --> 00:37:04,889 You take out an advert in the back page of some gay mag, 569 00:37:04,973 --> 00:37:08,809 advertising the latest in arse-intruding dildos. 570 00:37:09,477 --> 00:37:11,687 You sell it with, I don't know, 571 00:37:11,771 --> 00:37:13,939 "Does what no other dildo can do until now. 572 00:37:14,024 --> 00:37:16,066 "The latest and greatest in sexual technology. 573 00:37:16,151 --> 00:37:18,068 "Guaranteed results or your money back." All that bollocks. 574 00:37:18,153 --> 00:37:21,238 Now these dills cost 25 quid a pop. 575 00:37:21,323 --> 00:37:24,575 That's a snip for the amount of pleasure they're gonna give the recipients. 576 00:37:24,659 --> 00:37:27,745 But they send their checks to the other company name, 577 00:37:27,829 --> 00:37:31,749 nothing offensive, Bobbie's Bits, or something, for 25 quid. 578 00:37:31,833 --> 00:37:35,461 You take that 25 quid, you stick it in the bank until it clears. 579 00:37:35,545 --> 00:37:37,504 Now this is the smart bit. 580 00:37:38,006 --> 00:37:42,301 You send back the check for �25 from the other company name, 581 00:37:42,385 --> 00:37:44,845 Arse Ticklers Faggots Fan Club, saying, 582 00:37:44,930 --> 00:37:47,723 "We're sorry, and we couldn't get the supplies from America, 583 00:37:47,807 --> 00:37:49,099 "because they've run out of stock." 584 00:37:49,184 --> 00:37:52,144 Now you see how many people cash that check. 585 00:37:53,313 --> 00:37:54,855 Not a single soul. 586 00:37:54,940 --> 00:37:56,732 Because who wants their bank manager to know 587 00:37:56,816 --> 00:38:00,069 they tickle arse when they're not paying in checks? 588 00:38:00,862 --> 00:38:02,696 So how long do you have to wait till you see the return? 589 00:38:02,781 --> 00:38:04,615 Probably no more than four weeks. 590 00:38:04,699 --> 00:38:05,866 A month? 591 00:38:05,951 --> 00:38:09,119 So what fucking good is that if we need it in six... 592 00:38:09,371 --> 00:38:10,996 No, five days. 593 00:38:11,957 --> 00:38:13,999 Well, it's still a good idea. 594 00:38:15,293 --> 00:38:18,796 He may know we smoke a lot and burn a bit of profit, 595 00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:22,800 but he can't have any idea how much hard currency we've accumulated. 596 00:38:22,884 --> 00:38:26,053 I don't know. Do you know? 597 00:38:27,347 --> 00:38:30,099...