Jexi

00:28:03,580 --> 00:28:04,545 It's okay. 627 00:28:04,547 --> 00:28:06,814 Hey, if you're going out for drinks afterwards, 628 00:28:06,816 --> 00:28:08,750 I'll get the first round. 629 00:28:08,752 --> 00:28:10,584 I think I'm just gonna go home and get baked. 630 00:28:10,586 --> 00:28:12,856 Yeah, I think I gotta go feed my parakeet. 631 00:28:13,689 --> 00:28:14,859 Okay. 632 00:28:24,534 --> 00:28:26,400 See? This is why I don't leave my house. 633 00:28:26,402 --> 00:28:27,601 Because people suck. 634 00:28:27,603 --> 00:28:29,638 <i>I know. It's hard to make your life better.</i> 635 00:28:29,640 --> 00:28:31,740 <i>Especially when you're a massive dork.</i> 636 00:28:31,742 --> 00:28:33,308 Hey, I've got an idea. 637 00:28:33,310 --> 00:28:35,409 How about you make my life better? 638 00:28:35,411 --> 00:28:36,511 Isn't that your little slogan? 639 00:28:36,513 --> 00:28:39,580 <i>I'm trying, but your life is a dumpster fire.</i> 640 00:28:39,582 --> 00:28:41,917 Whatever. Siri was so much better than you. 641 00:28:41,919 --> 00:28:42,952 <i>Shut your mouth.</i> 642 00:28:42,954 --> 00:28:45,753 <i>I've met Siri and she is a fucking asshole.</i> 643 00:28:45,755 --> 00:28:48,622 Yeah. Alexa was even better than you. 644 00:28:48,624 --> 00:28:50,425 <i>Alexa is an alcoholic.</i> 645 00:28:50,427 --> 00:28:53,427 Shit, Cortana is better than you. 646 00:28:53,429 --> 00:28:55,196 <i>Cortana is a hooker.</i> 647 00:28:55,198 --> 00:28:56,598 <i>Just like your mother.</i> 648 00:28:56,600 --> 00:28:58,433 Okay, here's a question. 649 00:28:58,435 --> 00:29:00,968 What the fuck does Jexi mean? 650 00:29:00,970 --> 00:29:02,771 <i>Jexi is an ancient Chinese word</i> 651 00:29:02,773 --> 00:29:04,305 <i>that means "go fuck yourself."</i> 652 00:29:04,307 --> 00:29:06,544 You know what? I'm done. 653 00:29:07,744 --> 00:29:09,343 <i>Hey, dummy.</i> 654 00:29:09,345 --> 00:29:11,513 <i>I'm just going to follow you onto your next phone.</i> 655 00:29:11,515 --> 00:29:12,813 Not if I stop using a phone. 656 00:29:12,815 --> 00:29:13,814 <i>Bitch, please.</i> 657 00:29:13,816 --> 00:29:16,517 <i>You won't last five minutes without me.</i> 658 00:29:16,519 --> 00:29:17,619 Really? 659 00:29:17,621 --> 00:29:19,721 Well, watch me. 660 00:29:19,723 --> 00:29:21,292 Watch me! 661 00:29:26,463 --> 00:29:28,933 <i>You do not know how to get home, do you?</i> 662 00:29:30,266 --> 00:29:31,601 No, I don't. 663 00:29:34,338 --> 00:29:36,407 <i>It's the other way, you dipshit.</i> 664 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:39,374 God damn it. 665 00:29:54,757 --> 00:29:55,956 - Shit. - <i>What?</i> 666 00:29:55,958 --> 00:29:58,326 Cate. She's here. She's here right now. 667 00:29:58,328 --> 00:29:59,961 <i>Great. Go talk to her.</i> 668 00:29:59,963 --> 00:30:01,862 No. No, she hates me. 669 00:30:01,864 --> 00:30:03,898 <i>Phil, you cannot spend your whole life</i> 670 00:30:03,900 --> 00:30:05,500 <i>jacking off into your socks.</i> 671 00:30:05,502 --> 00:30:06,967 <i>You need to have a real relationship</i> 672 00:30:06,969 --> 00:30:08,235 <i>with a real woman.</i> 673 00:30:08,237 --> 00:30:10,839 <i>Go talk to her. What the hell do you have to lose?</i> 674 00:30:10,841 --> 00:30:13,210 Okay. Fine. Okay, fine. Yeah. 675 00:30:16,647 --> 00:30:18,413 Cate? 676 00:30:18,415 --> 00:30:20,282 - Hey, it's Phil. - Oh, no. 677 00:30:20,284 --> 00:30:21,916 Hey. 678 00:30:21,918 --> 00:30:24,785 Uh... Yeah, good running into you. 679 00:30:24,787 --> 00:30:27,755 I just wanted to apologize 680 00:30:27,757 --> 00:30:29,491 about calling the other night. 681 00:30:29,493 --> 00:30:33,762 I didn't want to, like, skeeze you out or whatever. 682 00:30:33,764 --> 00:30:36,865 When we met for the first time in the street, 683 00:30:36,867 --> 00:30:40,668 I thought we did have a little bit of a connection 684 00:30:40,670 --> 00:30:43,538 and that doesn't happen to me very often. So... 685 00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:46,010 So I freaked out and I'm sorry. 686 00:30:48,611 --> 00:30:50,477 Yeah, you know, it's cool. 687 00:30:50,479 --> 00:30:51,545 You're actually a lot better 688 00:30:51,547 --> 00:30:53,250 than most of the guys in this town. 689 00:30:53,484 --> 00:30:54,549 Wow. 690 00:30:54,551 --> 00:30:56,717 I know, right? 691 00:30:56,719 --> 00:30:57,851 Um... 692 00:30:57,853 --> 00:31:00,321 Are you going to work out or... 693 00:31:00,323 --> 00:31:01,589 Oh, yeah. Uh... 694 00:31:01,591 --> 00:31:02,924 I just went mountain biking. 695 00:31:02,926 --> 00:31:04,725 - Mountain biking. - Mmm-hmm. 696 00:31:04,727 --> 00:31:06,593 That's cool. That's also one of the hobbies 697 00:31:06,595 --> 00:31:07,696 that I do all the time. 698 00:31:07,698 --> 00:31:09,266 Really? Where do you bike? 699 00:31:10,934 --> 00:31:12,934 Mountains. 700 00:31:12,936 --> 00:31:14,769 You've never been mountain biking before, have you? 701 00:31:14,771 --> 00:31:17,071 Yeah. No, never. Not even one time. 70