A Liar's Autobiography: The Untrue Story of Monty Python's Graham Chapman

What does it say? 366 00:29:07,913 --> 00:29:10,257 It says... It says... 367 00:29:13,502 --> 00:29:17,552 Three passes! That means you're in, doesn't it? 368 00:29:17,673 --> 00:29:20,051 Well done, Graham. 369 00:29:21,677 --> 00:29:24,476 I have been accepted by Emmanuel College. 370 00:29:24,596 --> 00:29:27,065 I've bought a gown, several club ties, 371 00:29:27,182 --> 00:29:30,527 walked around in a tweed suit with a pipe and tried to look clever. 372 00:29:30,644 --> 00:29:34,399 The pipe was very useful. If anyone said anything I didn't understand, 373 00:29:34,523 --> 00:29:37,447 I could puff on it and seem deep in thought. 374 00:29:37,567 --> 00:29:41,367 The tweed suit didn't fool anybody, but the pipe worked a treat. 375 00:29:41,488 --> 00:29:44,207 In tutorials, I was asked fewer questions. 376 00:29:44,324 --> 00:29:47,919 It also helped clobber the stench of formalin in the dissecting rooms. 377 00:29:51,164 --> 00:29:53,166 Describe the vagina. 378 00:29:57,587 --> 00:30:01,057 - Kevin. - Um, right. 379 00:30:01,174 --> 00:30:05,725 - Well, it's a sensitive organ. - What do you mean? 380 00:30:05,846 --> 00:30:09,726 Well, it's about four and a half inches long 381 00:30:09,850 --> 00:30:12,069 and it's, uh, very sensitive. 382 00:30:12,185 --> 00:30:17,783 Balls! The only thing sensitive about the vagina is in the front of it, lad. 383 00:30:17,899 --> 00:30:19,993 Apart from a certain sensation 384 00:30:20,110 --> 00:30:23,535 because something has passed through the perineal musculature, 385 00:30:23,655 --> 00:30:27,250 the vagina itself is virtually numb! 386 00:30:27,367 --> 00:30:31,793 You answer shows not only a lack of anatomical knowledge, 387 00:30:31,913 --> 00:30:34,837 but a complete social ignorance. 388 00:30:34,958 --> 00:30:39,304 You've obviously never slept with a woman! 389 00:30:42,799 --> 00:30:44,893 No! Aah! 390 00:30:46,261 --> 00:30:48,104 Not that bit! 391 00:30:51,683 --> 00:30:54,732 Awfully sorry, old chap, but sex is a rather difficult subject 392 00:30:54,853 --> 00:30:56,981 and I don't know what came over me. 393 00:30:57,105 --> 00:30:59,574 Oh, well. Better go and have lunch, I suppose. 394 00:30:59,691 --> 00:31:02,240 Anyone coming to the bun shop? 395 00:31:03,236 --> 00:31:06,536 Oh, thank God. That was a short tutorial. 396 00:31:09,993 --> 00:31:13,668 In my first year at Cambridge, I tried to join the Footlights Club, 397 00:31:13,789 --> 00:31:17,089 realising that the only reason I'd gone there in the first place 398 00:31:17,209 --> 00:31:21,214 was that I'd seen a television version of a Footlights annual revue. 399 00:31:21,338 --> 00:31:24,012 I impersonated a carrot 400 00:31:24,132 --> 00:31:28,478 and a man with iron fingertips being pulled offstage by an enormous magnet. 401 00:31:31,723 --> 00:31:33,896 Really super. 402 00:31:34,017 --> 00:31:36,361 In the same set of auditions, 403 00:31:36,478 --> 00:31:39,652 John Cleese did a routine of trampling on hamsters 404 00:31:39,773 --> 00:31:43,277 and can still do a good pain-ridden squeak. 405 00:31:51,827 --> 00:31:54,171 How about that? 406 00:31:56,706 --> 00:32:00,756 We were both selected and very soon were able to wear black sashes 407 00:32:00,877 --> 00:32:03,881 with "Ars Est Celare Artem“ on them." 408 00:32:04,005 --> 00:32:06,383 “The art was to conceal the art." 409 00:32:10,470 --> 00:32:14,600 March 1964. The new biochemistry and physiology block 410 00:32:14,724 --> 00:32:17,978 was being opened by Her Majesty the Queen Mother. 411 00:32:18,103 --> 00:32:20,902 Being secretary of the Students' Union, 412 00:32:21,022 --> 00:32:25,573 I was invited to join Her Majesty for tea with other members of the student body 413 00:32:25,694 --> 00:32:28,243 after her tour of the new premises. 414 00:32:28,363 --> 00:32:31,788 I was pleased to find out that she had asked to come to tea with the students 415 00:32:31,908 --> 00:32:36,209 and not with a lot of old gits in red gowns and stupid floppy hats. 416 00:32:47,591 --> 00:32:50,470 - Ah, yes. - How do you take yours? 417 00:32:50,594 --> 00:32:53,894 Gin and Slimline tonic with ice but no lemon in, Your Majesty. 418 00:32:56,433 --> 00:32:57,776 Cheers. 419 00:32:57,893 --> 00:33:02,319 I explained to Her Majesty that I had the offer of going to New Zealand 420 00:33:02,439 --> 00:33:04,942 as a member of Cambridge Circus, a revue, 421 00:33:05,066 --> 00:33:08,161 but that this would mean taking six months off medicine 422 00:33:08,278 --> 00:33:11,122 and my parents had yelped strongly against this. 423 00:33:11,239 --> 00:33:13,662 You really must see New Zealand. 424 00:33:13,783 --> 00:33:16,536 It's a very beautiful place. 425 00:33:22,375 --> 00:33:25,504 My sexual life consisted of going to bed with