Ricky Stanicky

00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:01,291 God, where is he? He should be here by now. 922 00:38:01,791 --> 00:38:03,333 [Rod] Explain it again. 923 00:38:03,333 --> 00:38:05,791 It's a children's story about these seeds 924 00:38:05,791 --> 00:38:08,333 that are flying in the breeze, 925 00:38:08,333 --> 00:38:11,291 and all they want to do is reach the top of this mountain. 926 00:38:11,291 --> 00:38:15,166 But there's this one little seed who gets blown back 927 00:38:15,166 --> 00:38:17,208 to the bottom of the mountain, 928 00:38:17,208 --> 00:38:19,333 and she's all like, "Fuck!" 929 00:38:19,333 --> 00:38:22,750 But when it starts to rain, all the water will start 930 00:38:22,750 --> 00:38:26,875 to flow down the side of the mountain straight to her. 931 00:38:26,875 --> 00:38:29,500 So she'll sprout and she'll grow and grow 932 00:38:29,500 --> 00:38:30,916 to be the biggest tree of all, 933 00:38:30,916 --> 00:38:33,333 even bigger than the ones on top of the mountain. 934 00:38:33,333 --> 00:38:34,958 The message being, 935 00:38:34,958 --> 00:38:38,541 you can be great in life, no matter where you start. 936 00:38:40,916 --> 00:38:42,500 Hot, wet shit. 937 00:38:42,500 --> 00:38:44,208 What-what... what are you talking about? 938 00:38:44,208 --> 00:38:45,875 Come on, man, you're not a farmer. 939 00:38:45,875 --> 00:38:47,958 What the hell do you know about seeds, right? 940 00:38:47,958 --> 00:38:49,458 And the message is absurd. 941 00:38:49,458 --> 00:38:53,500 Poor kids turn into trees? It doesn't make any sense. 942 00:38:53,500 --> 00:38:54,583 - You're right. - Right? 943 00:38:54,583 --> 00:38:55,833 It is stupid. It's stupid! 944 00:38:55,833 --> 00:38:57,666 What the fuck was I thinking, man? Yeah. 945 00:38:57,666 --> 00:38:58,833 I should just give up. 946 00:38:58,833 --> 00:39:00,916 Whoa. No. That's not what I said. 947 00:39:00,916 --> 00:39:02,541 I said this is crap, 948 00:39:02,541 --> 00:39:04,291 because it's not authentic. 949 00:39:04,291 --> 00:39:06,083 Doesn't mean you gotta give up. 950 00:39:07,125 --> 00:39:08,875 Let me tell you a story, cowboy. 951 00:39:08,875 --> 00:39:10,291 A few years back, 952 00:39:10,291 --> 00:39:12,708 I had an X-rated dog show at the Showboat. 953 00:39:12,708 --> 00:39:15,625 I had these two mutts that could bang missionary style. 954 00:39:15,625 --> 00:39:17,958 Oh, yeah, you heard me right. Missionary! 955 00:39:17,958 --> 00:39:20,000 Face-to-face. Real deal. 956 00:39:20,000 --> 00:39:21,541 It was kind of touching, actually. 957 00:39:21,541 --> 00:39:23,000 Then Atlantic City gets all woke 958 00:39:23,000 --> 00:39:25,541 and they won't let 'em pump on stage anymore. 959 00:39:25,541 --> 00:39:28,333 I tried doing the show with two guys in dog suits, but... 960 00:39:28,333 --> 00:39:29,708 the magic just wasn't there. 961 00:39:29,708 --> 00:39:30,750 You know what I mean? 962 00:39:32,291 --> 00:39:34,458 - No. - My point is, I failed. 963 00:39:34,458 --> 00:39:36,375 But did I give up? Heck no. 964 00:39:36,375 --> 00:39:38,333 I just had to ask myself, what do I love? 965 00:39:38,333 --> 00:39:39,333 And then it was easy - 966 00:39:39,333 --> 00:39:41,583 singing, performing and telling filthy jokes. 967 00:39:41,583 --> 00:39:44,541 And that is when Rock Hard Rod was born. 968 00:39:44,541 --> 00:39:47,666 You, sir, have just found out 969 00:39:47,666 --> 00:39:51,333 your dogs can no longer bang missionary style. 970 00:39:51,333 --> 00:39:54,333 Now you got to ask yourself, what do you love? 971 00:39:54,333 --> 00:39:56,208 - What do I love? - Yeah. 972 00:39:56,208 --> 00:39:57,791 Ah... [mumbles] 973 00:39:58,458 --> 00:40:00,791 Yeah, I... I like ceramic owls? 974 00:40:00,791 --> 00:40:03,416 Uh... I love fog. 975 00:40:03,416 --> 00:40:05,166 I love fog! I love it. 976 00:40:05,166 --> 00:40:07,375 Er, is there anything that you like 977 00:40:07,375 --> 00:40:10,916 that a regular human being can relate to on any level? 978 00:40:12,458 --> 00:40:14,250 - I like Christmas. - Christmas, Christmas! 979 00:40:14,250 --> 00:40:16,583 Perfect! Yes! Everybody loves Christmas. 980 00:40:16,583 --> 00:40:18,166 Yeah, well, not everybody. 981 00:40:18,166 --> 00:40:20,541 Keith is not a big fan of it these days. 982 00:40:20,541 --> 00:40:22,791 - He doesn't love Christmas? - Well, he used to love it. 983 00:40:22,791 --> 00:40:23,791 But, I mean, 984 00:40:23,791 --> 00:40:25,916 ever since his parents found out that we were dating, 985 00:40:25,916 --> 00:40:27,583 they haven't really invited him over. 986 00:40:27,583 --> 00:40:30,041 - That sucks. - Yeah. 987 00:40:30,041 --> 00:40:31,583 Which is their loss, you know. 988 00:40:31,583 --> 00:40:33,208 No "Jerky of the Month Club" for them. 989 00:40:33,208 --> 00:40:34,833 Ha. 990 00:40:34,833 --> 00:40:37,250 I just wish there was a holiday tradition for us. 991 00:40:37,250 --> 00:40:40,500 You know, like Christmas is the gayest holiday anyway, man. 992 00:40:40,500 --> 00: