Bernie

at Doris' lingerie shop, 629 00:32:08,760 --> 00:32:11,627 she got herself a see through nightgown 630 00:32:11,696 --> 00:32:15,154 that showed her breasts. 631 00:32:15,233 --> 00:32:17,463 I mean, give me a break. 632 00:32:17,535 --> 00:32:18,934 What is a woman her age 633 00:32:19,003 --> 00:32:20,436 wanting to do showing her boobs? 634 00:32:20,505 --> 00:32:22,666 Seriously. 635 00:32:22,740 --> 00:32:24,207 Disgusting. 636 00:32:29,714 --> 00:32:32,547 Bernie was a little effeminate. 637 00:32:32,617 --> 00:32:35,051 I mean, an unmarried man in his late 30s, 638 00:32:35,119 --> 00:32:40,853 going to all the musicals with a bunch of old blue-hairs-- 639 00:32:40,925 --> 00:32:44,486 Ah! You know, I heard that he was gay, 640 00:32:44,562 --> 00:32:47,827 but he was such a good Christian man, 641 00:32:47,899 --> 00:32:52,233 everybody thought, you know, how could that be? 642 00:32:52,303 --> 00:32:54,737 That dog don't hunt. Nah. 643 00:32:54,806 --> 00:32:56,296 There was always talk about Bernie being 644 00:32:56,374 --> 00:32:58,171 a little light in the loafers but-- 645 00:32:58,276 --> 00:33:00,540 I always thought he was celibate. 646 00:33:00,578 --> 00:33:02,512 He was a nice-looking man and there were lots of girls in the community 647 00:33:02,580 --> 00:33:04,810 who would've loved to have a date with him, 648 00:33:04,882 --> 00:33:06,850 but he never seemed to show much interest in that. 649 00:33:06,918 --> 00:33:09,580 He stayed busy all the time and was working. 650 00:33:09,654 --> 00:33:11,679 He had a tendency to hold on 651 00:33:11,756 --> 00:33:16,090 to another man's hands, touched too long after shaking it, 652 00:33:16,160 --> 00:33:18,856 and he had a subscription to men's fitness magazine. 653 00:33:18,930 --> 00:33:20,591 Now if you've ever seen Bernie Tedie, you know darn well 654 00:33:20,665 --> 00:33:23,259 it wasn't for the workout tips. 655 00:33:23,334 --> 00:33:25,325 And when you see him around town, 656 00:33:25,403 --> 00:33:27,598 if he wasn't at the church or at work in the funeral home, 657 00:33:27,672 --> 00:33:31,267 he would always be where we these doggone hemmed, starched shorts. 658 00:33:31,342 --> 00:33:34,106 With his belt line-- above the navel. 659 00:33:34,178 --> 00:33:39,172 And the kicker is he always wore sandals. 660 00:33:39,250 --> 00:33:41,411 Our Lord and Savior always wore sandals 661 00:33:41,486 --> 00:33:43,545 and he never married. 662 00:33:43,621 --> 00:33:46,283 And he had 12 disciples 663 00:33:46,357 --> 00:33:50,418 and I don't think any of them ever married. 664 00:33:50,495 --> 00:33:54,363 And the apostle Paul, he was a lifelong bachelor. 665 00:33:54,432 --> 00:33:56,957 And you never heard anybody in the New Testament 666 00:33:57,035 --> 00:34:00,630 say that they was a bunch of queers. 667 00:34:00,738 --> 00:34:03,571 No. 668 00:34:03,608 --> 00:34:07,476 No, he had homosexual relations. I know that for a fact. 669 00:34:07,545 --> 00:34:09,410 This ain't San Francisco, 670 00:34:09,480 --> 00:34:13,314 so around here we got a lot of "closet homosexuals." 671 00:34:13,384 --> 00:34:16,217 And I know of at least two men that he had relationships with 672 00:34:16,287 --> 00:34:18,551 that were heterosexual. 673 00:34:18,623 --> 00:34:20,750 Were. 674 00:34:20,825 --> 00:34:24,454 Now one of the main things and why I have this job, 675 00:34:24,529 --> 00:34:26,793 and why I feel like I'm good at it is, 676 00:34:26,864 --> 00:34:28,889 you see, I'm naturally suspicious. 677 00:34:28,966 --> 00:34:33,494 Sometimes I find myself waking up in the middle of the night. 678 00:34:33,571 --> 00:34:35,300 I'll be staring off 679 00:34:35,373 --> 00:34:37,773 out through the backyard into the woods and I-- 680 00:34:37,842 --> 00:34:39,434 I'll be thinking about all the crime and mayhem 681 00:34:39,510 --> 00:34:41,808 happening out there, 682 00:34:41,879 --> 00:34:45,940 and that's--that's when I start putting it together in my mind. 683 00:34:46,017 --> 00:34:47,848 I stop the criminal. 684 00:34:47,919 --> 00:34:50,285 I wait, I watch, 685 00:34:50,354 --> 00:34:52,686 and I listen. 686 00:34:52,757 --> 00:34:55,123 When the time's just right-- 687 00:34:55,193 --> 00:34:58,492 that's when I pounce. 688 00:34:58,596 --> 00:35:00,393 Ain't nothing I enjoy more 689 00:35:00,431 --> 00:35:02,262 than the sound of a criminal that's just wriggling 690 00:35:02,333 --> 00:35:04,130 on the end of my hook, hey, you know, 691 00:35:04,202 --> 00:35:07,000 and folks like to see the D.A. at work. 692 00:35:07,071 --> 00:35:09,437 But no county ain't gonna hire a D.A. 693 00:35:09,507 --> 00:35:13,170 who doesn't know that this is a full time job. 694 00:35:13,244 --> 00:35:15,712 All the ti