Roald Dahl's Esio Trot

of tortoise-based tale-telling. 434 00:25:45,480 --> 00:25:48,870 I have 16 tortoises for sale. From small to large to enormous. 435 00:25:48,920 --> 00:25:51,590 Each one comes with its own certificate, 436 00:25:51,640 --> 00:25:55,230 and you should know I do not sell any animal without first 437 00:25:55,280 --> 00:25:59,510 assuring myself that it's going to a good, caring home. 438 00:25:59,560 --> 00:26:02,950 ~ How many do you want? ~ I'll take all 16. 439 00:26:03,000 --> 00:26:04,270 I'll bag 'em up. 440 00:26:04,320 --> 00:26:06,350 I don't really need the enormous ones... 441 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:08,320 I'll chuck 'em in for free anyway. 442 00:26:09,680 --> 00:26:12,880 All the big money is in guinea pigs these days. 443 00:26:45,080 --> 00:26:49,080 ~ I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. ~ That's all right. 444 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:05,950 ~ I don't actually have any tortoises. ~ OK. 445 00:27:06,000 --> 00:27:09,230 But I've got a lovely iguana out back. You want to see it? 446 00:27:09,280 --> 00:27:11,030 It's tempting, but no. 447 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:13,990 Or I've got a weasel going very cheap-cheap cheap-cheap. 448 00:27:14,040 --> 00:27:15,390 I just need tortoises. 449 00:27:15,440 --> 00:27:17,510 I've got a snake - I could chop it in half 450 00:27:17,560 --> 00:27:20,430 ~ and put a seashell on its back. ~ It's lovely meeting you. 451 00:27:20,480 --> 00:27:24,510 Or I could shave a hedgehog. No-one would ever know. 452 00:27:24,560 --> 00:27:25,800 I've done it before. 453 00:27:56,480 --> 00:27:57,960 That's probably enough. 454 00:28:00,880 --> 00:28:03,150 Oh, no! Go back. 455 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:05,520 Go back. Go back. 456 00:28:07,440 --> 00:28:09,430 I really must fix that. 457 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:13,030 '"Esio Trot, Esio Trot,' 458 00:28:13,080 --> 00:28:15,160 "teg reggib, reggib. 459 00:28:17,000 --> 00:28:22,110 "Worg pu, ffup pu, toohs pu, 460 00:28:22,160 --> 00:28:26,470 "gnirps pu, wolb pu..." 461 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,400 Well, thank goodness I'm not asking you to sip up anything. 462 00:28:32,360 --> 00:28:34,110 All right, darling, 463 00:28:34,160 --> 00:28:37,320 I'm just popping out to get you some delicious cabbage. 464 00:28:43,400 --> 00:28:45,000 I'll be back in half an hour. 465 00:29:00,320 --> 00:29:02,000 Action time. 466 00:29:07,080 --> 00:29:08,600 OK. 467 00:29:09,880 --> 00:29:11,440 No - too heavy. 468 00:29:15,360 --> 00:29:16,640 Too light. 469 00:29:20,280 --> 00:29:23,200 Just perfect. 2oz more than Alfie. 470 00:29:24,800 --> 00:29:28,560 You, sir, are the chosen one. 471 00:29:37,600 --> 00:29:40,030 No! Or you're going back to the pet shop. 472 00:29:40,080 --> 00:29:41,240 Stay there. 473 00:29:49,960 --> 00:29:51,800 OK, team... 474 00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:54,880 .. this is it. 475 00:30:13,160 --> 00:30:14,950 You can do this. 476 00:30:15,000 --> 00:30:16,520 You can do this. 477 00:30:19,000 --> 00:30:20,520 You can't do this. 478 00:30:22,360 --> 00:30:23,800 I can't do this. 479 00:30:29,040 --> 00:30:30,880 (Hang in there, Alfie 2.) 480 00:31:14,360 --> 00:31:15,480 Ah! 481 00:31:31,160 --> 00:31:32,400 Good afternoon. 482 00:31:34,320 --> 00:31:35,760 Sorry to bother you. 483 00:31:38,120 --> 00:31:41,870 My name is Mr Hoppy and I... 484 00:31:41,920 --> 00:31:44,270 I live a couple of floors up. 485 00:31:44,320 --> 00:31:46,870 Mummy says I mustn't talk to strangers. 486 00:31:46,920 --> 00:31:49,630 No. Quite right. Well done, Mum. 487 00:31:49,680 --> 00:31:52,390 Are you about to offer me sweets and then kidnap me? 488 00:31:52,440 --> 00:31:54,830 No, I'm not. 489 00:31:54,880 --> 00:31:56,710 That's a relief. 490 00:31:56,760 --> 00:32:00,790 But, as I said, I do... 491 00:32:00,840 --> 00:32:03,550 actually live in this building. 492 00:32:03,600 --> 00:32:05,030 I've never seen you. 493 00:32:05,080 --> 00:32:06,120 Well... 494 00:32:07,400 --> 00:32:09,630 .. I sort of keep myself to myself. 495 00:32:09,680 --> 00:32:11,430 Weirdos always do. 496 00:32:11,480 --> 00:32:16,070 Well, be that as it may, do you think you could be a good boy 497 00:32:16,120 --> 00:32:19,990 and get your mummy to help me onto your balcony? 498 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:23,000 Why would I do that? That would be a crazy thing to do. 499 00:32:30,040 --> 00:32:31,710 Mummy, Mummy, come and look. 500 00:32:31,760 --> 00:32:33,870 No, Philip. I will not come and look. 501 00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:36,670 A nasty dwarf is NOT trying to climb onto our balcony. 502 00:32:36,720 --> 00:32:40,080 ~ But, Mummy! ~ No more scary movies for you, young man. 503 00:32:43,760 --> 00:32:46,310 ~ Mummy! ~ Philip, darling, I'm doing dinner. 504 00:32:46,360 --> 00:32:50,590 So Mr Hoppy decided to abandon Plan A - the ladder.