Neighbors

771 00:28:59,080 --> 00:29:00,491 Did you find a balloon? 772 00:29:01,840 --> 00:29:03,569 Oh, shit! That's not a balloon! 773 00:29:03,920 --> 00:29:05,046 Oh, Jesus! 774 00:29:05,160 --> 00:29:06,730 Oh, God! Oh, no! 775 00:29:06,880 --> 00:29:08,211 Help! Help! 776 00:29:08,360 --> 00:29:10,408 Get the fuck... Get out of my way! Move! 777 00:29:10,600 --> 00:29:12,409 Doctor! Doctor! Oh, God! 778 00:29:15,160 --> 00:29:16,685 All right. Hey. 779 00:29:19,760 --> 00:29:21,364 Your baby 780 00:29:22,800 --> 00:29:24,290 has HIV. 781 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:25,526 Oh, my God. 782 00:29:25,680 --> 00:29:27,603 Is how bad this could have gone. 783 00:29:28,400 --> 00:29:29,686 The condom was unused. 784 00:29:29,800 --> 00:29:31,320 Are you fucking kidding me? 785 00:29:31,344 --> 00:29:34,268 Who the fuck says that to a couple of parents? 786 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:36,687 Hey! Ma'am! 787 00:29:36,840 --> 00:29:37,921 Chill out, chill out! 788 00:29:38,080 --> 00:29:39,366 They are dangerous to the neighborhood! 789 00:29:39,520 --> 00:29:40,920 There's a clear focus going on here. 790 00:29:40,989 --> 00:29:42,629 I heard they burned down their last house. 791 00:29:42,653 --> 00:29:44,203 And they were reprimanded for that. 792 00:29:44,360 --> 00:29:47,489 We have a very strict three-strike policy at this school. 793 00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:50,490 So, they have one strike. If they get two more, then they're out. 794 00:29:50,680 --> 00:29:51,761 A strike? 795 00:29:51,840 --> 00:29:53,763 Well, listen, the way I do my job is, 796 00:29:53,840 --> 00:29:56,286 you know, I'm always thinking about the headlines, right? 797 00:29:56,360 --> 00:30:01,161 So, "Duke Lacrosse Team Rapes Stripper." Bad headline. 798 00:30:01,240 --> 00:30:02,969 "Fraternity Keeps Couple Awake"? 799 00:30:03,120 --> 00:30:05,168 That's not really even a headline. 800 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:07,641 I don't even think it would make the local police blotter. 801 00:30:07,793 --> 00:30:09,636 Get ready to read the headline of the century. 802 00:30:09,793 --> 00:30:12,564 Extra, extra! "Baby Swallows Condom!" 803 00:30:12,720 --> 00:30:14,370 That's disgusting! Exactly! 804 00:30:14,560 --> 00:30:16,480 It's the frat's condom! That's the frat's condom! 805 00:30:16,504 --> 00:30:17,645 I have a headline for this. 806 00:30:17,800 --> 00:30:20,007 "Fraternity Practices Safe Sex." 807 00:30:20,160 --> 00:30:22,600 That's a good headline. I could get a raise off that headline. 808 00:30:22,624 --> 00:30:23,971 I got a headline for you. 809 00:30:24,120 --> 00:30:29,331 "Mean Dean Doesn't Realize That Frat ls Bad For Everyone." 810 00:30:29,480 --> 00:30:30,527 It's really not. 811 00:30:30,720 --> 00:30:33,041 It's very poorly worded. I don't think that would ever make it to print. 812 00:30:33,120 --> 00:30:34,600 I don't know where you went to school. 813 00:30:34,624 --> 00:30:36,807 I went here, okay? That's why I'm dumb! 814 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:39,042 You know what? I just thought of another headline. 815 00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:42,403 "Negligent Parents Allow Baby to Swallow Condom." 816 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:45,004 What'd you say? It's not a good headline. 817 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:47,961 Here's a headline. How about, "Go Fuck Yourself"? 818 00:30:48,120 --> 00:30:49,121 That's what you get. 819 00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,520 This is our home! It's our home! 820 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:53,848 This is our little cub on our lawn with a condom in her mouth. 821 00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:55,763 Oh, my God. I'm a mama bear. 822 00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:57,000 Yes, you are. You know what? 823 00:30:57,120 --> 00:30:58,963 I'm gonna act all docile and then... 824 00:31:00,520 --> 00:31:02,602 My claws are out! I'm gonna fucking get them! 825 00:31:03,120 --> 00:31:04,531 Fuck these fucking guys! 826 00:31:04,680 --> 00:31:06,320 They don't know who they are fucking with. 827 00:31:06,360 --> 00:31:08,124 They think I'm just a regular dad 828 00:31:08,280 --> 00:31:10,009 and then you know what happens? 829 00:31:10,080 --> 00:31:11,366 Boom! Boom! 830 00:31:11,440 --> 00:31:13,647 Teddy's dead! Pete's dead! Scoonie's dead! 831 00:31:14,040 --> 00:31:15,121 Fuck you! No, no. 832 00:31:15,280 --> 00:31:16,645 I'll fucking kill them! No, no. 833 00:31:16,800 --> 00:31:18,290 Boom! No. 834 00:31:18,480 --> 00:31:20,080 I'm buying a fucking gun! No, you're not! 835 00:31:20,104 --> 00:31:22,242 I'm not buying a gun! You're right, it's a bad idea. 836 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:23,441 Bad call. 837 00:31:23,520 --> 00:31:24,601 What about one of those small prostitute guns? 838 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:26,125 No. You're not buying a gun. 839 00:31:26,520 --> 00:31:27,646 Fuck! 840 00:31:27,760 --> 00:31:29,080 What can we do? That fucking Dean. 841 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:31,202 What woman is named "Dean"? 842 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:33,164 <i>She's not named “Dean Thaw her 'yob.</i> 843 00:31:33,480 --> 00:31:...