National Lampoon's European Vacation

"If you got the time 316 00:29:42,520 --> 00:29:44,521 "We got the beer" 317 00:29:46,150 --> 00:29:49,821 "Reach out, reach out and touch someone 318 00:29:50,570 --> 00:29:54,581 "Reach out, call up and just say, 'Hi"' 319 00:29:55,660 --> 00:29:57,161 What's the matter? 320 00:29:57,500 --> 00:30:01,331 I can't stand it. I'll never make it through two weeks. 321 00:30:01,500 --> 00:30:02,751 Two weeks is nothing. 322 00:30:02,830 --> 00:30:06,801 It's 14 times as long as yesterday, and yesterday lasted... 323 00:30:07,510 --> 00:30:09,171 ...an eternity. 324 00:30:10,010 --> 00:30:11,471 Why don't you call him? 325 00:30:11,680 --> 00:30:13,971 - Are you crazy? - What could happen? 326 00:30:14,050 --> 00:30:16,511 Dad could rip out my tongue, that's what. 327 00:30:17,350 --> 00:30:20,191 He wouldn't even notice if you kept it short. 328 00:30:20,850 --> 00:30:24,191 Okay, I'll just say hello and good-bye. Short. 329 00:30:25,690 --> 00:30:28,191 I wonder if anything good's on TV. 330 00:30:30,700 --> 00:30:33,031 Should I watch cheese or snow? 331 00:30:34,070 --> 00:30:36,031 - Hello? - Hello, Jack. 332 00:30:37,040 --> 00:30:39,541 Oh, God, Jack, I miss you so much. 333 00:30:40,000 --> 00:30:41,791 - Do you miss me? - Yes. 334 00:30:41,870 --> 00:30:43,211 - Really? - Yes. 335 00:30:43,540 --> 00:30:46,211 I miss you so much it hurts. 336 00:30:47,210 --> 00:30:48,961 - I got to go. - What? 337 00:30:49,050 --> 00:30:51,551 - I have to eat. - Your mom's calling you to dinner? 338 00:30:52,050 --> 00:30:53,551 Okay, I'll hold. 339 00:30:55,390 --> 00:30:59,221 - Can we stop? I'm hungry. - Yeah, Dad. Rusty's hungry. 340 00:30:59,350 --> 00:31:01,181 We've got a schedule to keep. 341 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:15,741 That's it! That's the way I want my hair cut! 342 00:31:16,240 --> 00:31:18,581 You don't want to look like a rooster, do you? 343 00:31:18,910 --> 00:31:22,711 There's Buckingham Palace, where the Queen lives and works. 344 00:31:22,790 --> 00:31:24,421 Works? What does she do? 345 00:31:24,620 --> 00:31:26,581 She queens and vacuums. 346 00:31:32,760 --> 00:31:34,761 We'd like to check out, please. 347 00:31:35,760 --> 00:31:38,261 Yeah, Mr. Greaseball. 348 00:31:38,600 --> 00:31:40,771 Let's tally up your bill. 349 00:31:41,100 --> 00:31:43,771 Will we really have time to see Stonehenge? 350 00:31:44,100 --> 00:31:47,021 No problem. I've calculated the driving time. 351 00:31:47,270 --> 00:31:49,691 If we skip lunch, we'll make the plane to Paris. 352 00:31:49,770 --> 00:31:52,281 I'm sick of English food. I feel like a blimp. 353 00:31:52,610 --> 00:31:53,951 You look fine. 354 00:31:54,280 --> 00:31:57,951 Don't I just sign? Pig in a Poke takes care of this. 355 00:31:58,280 --> 00:32:02,791 - It does not include the telephone bill. - We just made a couple of local calls. 356 00:32:05,290 --> 00:32:06,961 That will be... 357 00:32:08,460 --> 00:32:10,301 ...$253 American. 358 00:32:10,630 --> 00:32:13,171 - You're mistaken. - How could that be? 359 00:32:16,800 --> 00:32:18,641 Who the hell called Chicago? 360 00:32:27,480 --> 00:32:31,441 Audrey, your father didn't really mean what he said. 361 00:32:31,520 --> 00:32:32,821 Yes, he did. 362 00:32:32,860 --> 00:32:35,491 Not really, honey. He has nothing against Jack. 363 00:32:36,150 --> 00:32:39,821 He's not really going to cut off his balls. Are you, Clark? 364 00:32:44,000 --> 00:32:45,331 Okay, I won't. 365 00:32:46,160 --> 00:32:48,671 Let's relax and enjoy the countryside. 366 00:32:50,040 --> 00:32:53,761 This country is eons old, kids. That's centuries, to you and me. 367 00:32:54,590 --> 00:32:55,921 Charming, isn't it? 368 00:32:56,670 --> 00:32:58,341 It looks like Massachusetts. 369 00:32:58,590 --> 00:33:03,261 It stands to reason. The English settled Massachusetts. The old pilgrims. 370 00:33:04,850 --> 00:33:07,351 Plymouth Rock. That's where it started. 371 00:33:07,690 --> 00:33:10,361 And speaking of rocks... 372 00:33:11,860 --> 00:33:14,691 See that? That's Stonehenge. Fantastic. 373 00:33:23,200 --> 00:33:24,701 What the hell is this? 374 00:33:25,040 --> 00:33:29,371 Nobody knows for sure. Some think it's a calendar or an astronomer's tool. 375 00:33:29,710 --> 00:33:32,211 Others think it was built by men from outer space. 376 00:33:32,540 --> 00:33:37,051 The consensus is that it's an ancient timepiece built by the Druids. 377 00:33:37,380 --> 00:33:39,261 Whatever, it's been here a long time. 378 00:33:39,340 --> 00:33:41,511 Since 2,000 years before Christ. 379 00:33:43,560 --> 00:33:45,561 It's bound to be here 1,000 more. 380 00:33:49,060 --> 00:33:52,901 Stand over there. Act like you're setting your watch. 381 00:33:53,900 --> 00:33:57,071 This must be where they sacrificed virgins. 3...