Is This Thing On?

(SPEAKS INDISTINCTLY) 930 00:40:38,503 --> 00:40:39,968 -BOUNCER 2: <i>Yo, man. What's up?</i> -ALEX: <i>Hey.</i> 931 00:40:39,970 --> 00:40:41,201 I was actually hoping that I could just, 932 00:40:41,203 --> 00:40:42,501 you know, watch and hang tonight? 933 00:40:42,503 --> 00:40:45,101 -Yeah. -Yeah? I got 15 bucks on me. 934 00:40:45,103 --> 00:40:47,868 Nah. Keep your 15 bucks. Get yourself something nice. 935 00:40:47,870 --> 00:40:49,467 -Go on in. -Thanks, man. 936 00:40:49,469 --> 00:40:52,070 You got it-- Just... Yeah, just finish that before you go in. 937 00:40:53,137 --> 00:40:54,534 -Finish it? -Yeah. 938 00:40:54,536 --> 00:40:55,467 (PEOPLE CHUCKLING) 939 00:40:55,469 --> 00:40:57,934 -Hey. -Hey. 940 00:40:57,936 --> 00:40:58,970 -JILL: There he is. -Make yourself comfortable. 941 00:40:59,536 --> 00:41:01,135 Am I okay here? 942 00:41:01,137 --> 00:41:03,035 -Yeah. No one's sittin' here. -JILL: You're fine. 943 00:41:03,037 --> 00:41:04,103 How was your night? 944 00:41:04,536 --> 00:41:06,003 It was pretty good. 945 00:41:06,336 --> 00:41:09,235 I went and did a different open mic and... 946 00:41:09,237 --> 00:41:11,334 (SCATTERED LAUGHTER) 947 00:41:11,336 --> 00:41:12,834 Yeah. 948 00:41:12,836 --> 00:41:14,301 You know, I've been doing this for 25 years. 949 00:41:14,303 --> 00:41:15,567 You know what I mean? And I love it. 950 00:41:15,569 --> 00:41:17,035 I wouldn't wanna be anywhere else. 951 00:41:17,037 --> 00:41:19,068 But what I like about you is you're so innocent. 952 00:41:19,070 --> 00:41:20,268 You're not naive, you're innocent. 953 00:41:20,270 --> 00:41:21,567 And that's why it works. 954 00:41:21,569 --> 00:41:23,168 So that's good. It comes outta your head, 955 00:41:23,170 --> 00:41:24,501 you put it on a piece of paper, and you get up there. 956 00:41:24,503 --> 00:41:26,567 It's like therapy. But, people can relate to that. 957 00:41:26,569 --> 00:41:27,868 -ALEX: I don't know what it is. -You don't know anything. 958 00:41:27,870 --> 00:41:29,467 But I just do know that coming here 959 00:41:29,469 --> 00:41:32,068 -has ended up making me feel... -KEMP: Yeah. It's a safe space. 960 00:41:32,070 --> 00:41:33,037 -ALEX: Well, a lot better. -KEMP: Yeah. 961 00:41:34,037 --> 00:41:35,035 You are good-- I mean, you're bad at stand-up, 962 00:41:35,037 --> 00:41:36,467 but you're good. 963 00:41:36,469 --> 00:41:39,101 You have a good heart. You seem like a pure... 964 00:41:39,103 --> 00:41:40,934 like I believe you that you just found this thing, 965 00:41:40,936 --> 00:41:43,068 and now you're in love with stand-up. 966 00:41:43,070 --> 00:41:45,534 Other than the fact that I'm really insulted, thank you. 967 00:41:45,536 --> 00:41:48,035 But you're bad. You're really bad. 968 00:41:48,037 --> 00:41:49,301 -(KEMP LAUGHING) -(CHUCKLES) Okay. 969 00:41:49,303 --> 00:41:50,834 JILL: So I was waxing. It didn't hurt, right? 970 00:41:50,836 --> 00:41:52,501 And then she finished really quickly, 971 00:41:52,503 --> 00:41:54,101 like I didn't even know what happened. 972 00:41:54,103 --> 00:41:56,970 And I was like, she goes, "Your triangle's done." Okay. 973 00:41:57,336 --> 00:41:59,334 -"Your triangle's done." -(LAUGHTER) 974 00:41:59,336 --> 00:42:00,567 What she gave me... 975 00:42:00,569 --> 00:42:02,403 Okay, wait. Can I use your napkin? 976 00:42:03,870 --> 00:42:06,601 What I was expecting was this. 977 00:42:06,603 --> 00:42:08,970 This is what, what I was expecting. Okay? 978 00:42:09,203 --> 00:42:12,101 You see this? Reasonable. Reasonable. 979 00:42:12,103 --> 00:42:14,467 -(LAUGHTER) -(GASPS) What she gave me... 980 00:42:14,469 --> 00:42:15,534 (SCOFFING) 981 00:42:15,536 --> 00:42:17,369 (LAUGHTER) 982 00:42:22,103 --> 00:42:23,170 ...is this. 983 00:42:24,070 --> 00:42:26,567 -It is ridi-- Look at this. -WOMAN: No! 984 00:42:26,569 --> 00:42:28,301 -(LAUGHTER) -Look at what I'm showing you. 985 00:42:28,303 --> 00:42:31,235 I'm not-- This is not-- It is tiny. 986 00:42:31,237 --> 00:42:33,270 Well, I brought my drink up. Um... 987 00:42:33,970 --> 00:42:35,534 -MAN: It's okay. -Is that all right? 988 00:42:35,536 --> 00:42:37,334 Hang on. Do you guys mind? I'm gonna put this right here. 989 00:42:37,336 --> 00:42:38,968 MAN: Use it! 990 00:42:38,970 --> 00:42:41,467 You okay? I'm watching it, all right? So, don't-- 991 00:42:41,469 --> 00:42:43,367 Oh, please roofie me. 992 00:42:43,369 --> 00:42:44,868 -(LAUGHTER) -Oh. 993 00:42:44,870 --> 00:42:47,001 Please, I'd love to get roofie'd tonight. 994 00:42:47,003 --> 00:42:48,870 -(APPLAUSE) -Please! 995 00:42:49,303 --> 00:42:52,467 Hey, is it true that you do magic? Is that a true story? 996 00:42:52,469 --> 00:42:54,601 Yes. That is my day job. 997 00:42:5