Dave Chappelle: The Dreamer

I'm old, but I'm fast. 305 00:21:57,192 --> 00:21:59,527 I caught this motherfucker's head with my hand 306 00:21:59,611 --> 00:22:01,738 and pulled his hoodie over his eyes. 307 00:22:01,821 --> 00:22:07,369 I can still feel his head in my hand. 308 00:22:08,578 --> 00:22:09,829 It was spongy. 309 00:22:12,040 --> 00:22:13,666 He had been growing dreadlocks. 310 00:22:14,501 --> 00:22:16,961 Not the beautiful dreads that Rastafarians grow. 311 00:22:17,045 --> 00:22:20,173 These were accidental L.A. homeless dreads. 312 00:22:20,882 --> 00:22:24,386 This shit had leaves and sticks and bottle caps and shit in it. 313 00:22:24,469 --> 00:22:25,637 Some kind of grease. 314 00:22:25,720 --> 00:22:27,555 I was like, "Ugh!" Like this. 315 00:22:27,639 --> 00:22:29,265 And then I fell down. 316 00:22:29,349 --> 00:22:31,518 He knocked me all the way on the ground. 317 00:22:32,227 --> 00:22:34,145 I was like, "Man, this is a bad situation." 318 00:22:34,229 --> 00:22:36,606 "I don't know if I'm going to die or what's gonna happen." 319 00:22:36,689 --> 00:22:39,067 But in that moment of vulnerability, 320 00:22:39,150 --> 00:22:42,654 you know what occurred to me that it never occurred to me before in my life? 321 00:22:42,737 --> 00:22:45,448 In that moment, it occurred to me 322 00:22:46,908 --> 00:22:48,368 that bodyguards… 323 00:22:50,161 --> 00:22:54,833 should not wear dress shoes to work! 324 00:22:54,916 --> 00:22:55,834 Travis! 325 00:22:58,002 --> 00:23:00,421 This nigga, Travis, came out slipping and sliding 326 00:23:00,505 --> 00:23:04,175 in some kind of beautiful loafer and fell flat on the back. 327 00:23:04,259 --> 00:23:07,929 I said, "Oh, my God. Now both of us are down." 328 00:23:08,012 --> 00:23:09,889 "I gotta handle this shit myself." 329 00:23:09,973 --> 00:23:13,434 I popped right back… And the kid that knocked me down, he popped up. 330 00:23:13,518 --> 00:23:18,314 And we looked at each other and realized, same time, I was bigger than him. 331 00:23:19,524 --> 00:23:21,609 And that motherfucker took off running. 332 00:23:21,693 --> 00:23:24,237 I started to chase him, and I said, "Eh, fuck him." 333 00:23:25,155 --> 00:23:26,906 I picked the microphone up. 334 00:23:27,657 --> 00:23:29,784 Said, "I'm gonna finish this show now." 335 00:23:30,910 --> 00:23:31,911 That's right. 336 00:23:38,168 --> 00:23:42,547 For three months before that, I had been making fun of Chris Rock. 337 00:23:43,464 --> 00:23:45,383 And people would ask me all the time. 338 00:23:45,466 --> 00:23:48,219 They say, "Dave, what would you do if you were Chris Rock 339 00:23:48,303 --> 00:23:50,513 and Will Smith slapped you in the face?" 340 00:23:50,597 --> 00:23:54,934 And to this day, the answer is the same. "I don't know what I would have done." 341 00:23:55,018 --> 00:23:57,437 I've never been in a situation that extreme. 342 00:23:58,521 --> 00:24:02,317 But I do know now what Will Smith would not have done. 343 00:24:03,067 --> 00:24:06,279 And that is, enjoy the rest of his evening. 344 00:24:10,658 --> 00:24:12,160 Man, listen. 345 00:24:14,078 --> 00:24:16,873 We gave that kid a good wallop. We was whooping his ass. 346 00:24:16,956 --> 00:24:19,876 Not "we." I was on stage trying to think of a joke to tell, 347 00:24:19,959 --> 00:24:23,630 but they was beating this nigga up right behind me. Everybody could see it. 348 00:24:24,672 --> 00:24:25,840 Everybody could see it. 349 00:24:25,924 --> 00:24:28,593 I'm sitting up there trying to think of what to say. 350 00:24:28,676 --> 00:24:32,472 I'm tongue tied. Me, of all people, can't think of anything to say. 351 00:24:32,555 --> 00:24:33,640 Look at my karma. 352 00:24:33,723 --> 00:24:35,767 That moment, of all the people in the world, 353 00:24:35,850 --> 00:24:38,603 Chris Rock walks from backstage. 354 00:24:38,686 --> 00:24:42,607 Walks up to me in front of 20,000 people, 355 00:24:43,483 --> 00:24:46,945 grabs the mic out of my hands and looks at the crowd and goes, 356 00:24:47,987 --> 00:24:49,489 "Was that Will Smith?" 357 00:24:53,034 --> 00:24:56,955 Man, motherfuckers fell out of their chairs, laughing. 358 00:24:59,499 --> 00:25:01,501 I was standing there looking stupid. 359 00:25:02,543 --> 00:25:03,753 I was fucking furious. 360 00:25:03,836 --> 00:25:07,340 'Cause I'm thinking in my mind, "Nigga, this is my attack." 361 00:25:09,676 --> 00:25:13,221 "You got attacked three months ago. Now you have jokes?" 362 00:25:15,139 --> 00:25:18,351 So, I snatched the mic back from Chris and tried to get one off, 363 00:25:18,434 --> 00:25:20,603 but my shit did not go good at all. 364 00:25:20,687 --> 00:25:23,064 I didn't know-- I was like, "It was a trans man." 365 00:25:23,147 --> 00:25:24,732 And the crowd was like… 366 00:25:2