Carry-On

00:35:13,541 --> 00:35:14,790 Hey, now who's cynical? 529 00:35:14,791 --> 00:35:17,457 <i>No, I'm just experienced enough to know life's disappointing,</i> 530 00:35:17,458 --> 00:35:19,332 <i>and it's short and if you're smart,</i> 531 00:35:19,333 --> 00:35:21,999 <i>you can steal what happiness you can when you can.</i> 532 00:35:22,000 --> 00:35:25,165 <i>Or just stay on autopilot the rest of your life. Your call.</i> 533 00:35:25,166 --> 00:35:27,125 [crockery breaking] 534 00:35:30,125 --> 00:35:31,458 [buzzes] 535 00:35:32,208 --> 00:35:33,166 [baby crying] 536 00:35:34,833 --> 00:35:36,166 [Traveler munching] 537 00:35:37,500 --> 00:35:40,915 <i>You know, the lucky ones find a job that pays the most money...</i> 538 00:35:40,916 --> 00:35:42,082 [arcade game beeping] 539 00:35:42,083 --> 00:35:43,708 <i>...for the least amount of work.</i> 540 00:35:45,125 --> 00:35:48,582 <i>And they spend the rest of their time doing whatever makes them happy.</i> 541 00:35:48,583 --> 00:35:51,041 [Traveler munching] 542 00:35:52,416 --> 00:35:53,416 Like you. 543 00:35:54,291 --> 00:35:57,083 [Traveler] You'd be surprised how well I live. 544 00:35:58,583 --> 00:36:01,625 Does it take a doctorate to read a computer screen? Let's go. 545 00:36:04,750 --> 00:36:07,458 - I need a LEO on four. Bag check. - This is unreal. 546 00:36:11,125 --> 00:36:14,457 It's called a book. You might read one when you get your GED. 547 00:36:14,458 --> 00:36:16,665 Buddy, relax. Let the guy work. 548 00:36:16,666 --> 00:36:19,291 Sir, could I see your boarding pass, please? 549 00:36:20,875 --> 00:36:23,290 Mr. Herter, I need to conduct a quick inspection. 550 00:36:23,291 --> 00:36:25,374 If you prefer, we can use a private room. 551 00:36:25,375 --> 00:36:27,540 No, do it here. I'm already late to board. 552 00:36:27,541 --> 00:36:30,290 In that case, I'll have a law enforcement officer 553 00:36:30,291 --> 00:36:33,375 run your boarding pass while I search. 554 00:36:35,625 --> 00:36:36,790 It'll save time. 555 00:36:36,791 --> 00:36:38,499 I don't think this is necessary. 556 00:36:38,500 --> 00:36:40,750 New fraud alert from SFO. 557 00:36:41,750 --> 00:36:42,750 Yeah. 558 00:36:51,625 --> 00:36:53,541 [Traveler munching] 559 00:36:59,291 --> 00:37:00,291 Okay. 560 00:37:01,083 --> 00:37:04,291 You're all clear. Probably just an imaging glitch. 561 00:37:05,083 --> 00:37:07,208 You TSA guys are a joke. 562 00:37:08,250 --> 00:37:11,000 - You know that, right? - Thank you for your patience. 563 00:37:11,916 --> 00:37:14,250 You can wait over there for your boarding pass. 564 00:37:19,416 --> 00:37:22,375 [Traveler] <i>There's a story I once heard about a tribe in the Serengeti.</i> 565 00:37:25,666 --> 00:37:27,207 <i>Every summer when the game was sparse,</i> 566 00:37:27,208 --> 00:37:30,040 <i>the tribe would depend on a single apple tree for most of its food.</i> 567 00:37:30,041 --> 00:37:33,290 <i>Then one day they learned that the tree had been plucked bare.</i> 568 00:37:33,291 --> 00:37:36,250 <i>The apples had been stolen by one of their own.</i> 569 00:37:37,083 --> 00:37:38,582 <i>"I'm sorry," the thief pled.</i> 570 00:37:38,583 --> 00:37:41,582 <i>"I needed those apples to feed my children."</i> 571 00:37:41,583 --> 00:37:46,249 <i>The tribe forgave him and made do until the tree bore fruit once more.</i> 572 00:37:46,250 --> 00:37:49,541 <i>They returned, and lo and behold, what'd they see?</i> 573 00:37:50,208 --> 00:37:53,125 <i>The apples were gone again. Pilfered by the same thief.</i> 574 00:37:54,166 --> 00:37:55,665 <i>"I'm sorry," the thief begged.</i> 575 00:37:55,666 --> 00:37:57,916 <i>"I needed those apples to feed my children."</i> 576 00:37:58,583 --> 00:38:02,166 <i>Even though the tribe was without food yet again, they forgave him.</i> 577 00:38:03,083 --> 00:38:05,290 <i>When the apples grew back,</i> 578 00:38:05,291 --> 00:38:08,707 <i>the tribe's elders knew the thief would return.</i> 579 00:38:08,708 --> 00:38:09,708 <i>Excuse me.</i> 580 00:38:14,500 --> 00:38:16,666 <i>So, when night fell,</i> 581 00:38:17,458 --> 00:38:19,374 <i>they crept into the man's hut</i> 582 00:38:19,375 --> 00:38:21,666 <i>and slit the throats of all three children.</i> 583 00:38:23,416 --> 00:38:25,416 <i>You want to know why, Ethan?</i> 584 00:38:29,000 --> 00:38:32,415 <i>Because they learned that there can be no lesson without consequence.</i> 585 00:38:32,416 --> 00:38:34,458 [women screaming] 586 00:38:35,791 --> 00:38:37,500 [Traveler] Somebody call a doctor! 587 00:38:41,333 --> 00:38:43,457 - [man] Call a paramedic! - [Sarkowski] Get a doctor! 588 00:38:43,458 --> 00:38:44,582 Officer down. 589 00:38:44,583 --> 00:38:46,707 Back up! Everybody, back up! 590 00:38:46,708 --> 00:38:47,833 Back