My Old Ass

<i>What? No. She's totally alive. Chill.</i> 492 00:26:27,932 --> 00:26:30,389 Thank god. I need to die before Mom dies. 493 00:26:30,390 --> 00:26:31,972 <i>Dude, that's fucking dark.</i> 494 00:26:31,973 --> 00:26:33,889 <i>I have to tell my therapist you said that.</i> 495 00:26:33,890 --> 00:26:35,931 <i>Oh, wait a minute. Hang on.</i> 496 00:26:35,932 --> 00:26:38,347 <i>Basement! Basement!</i> 497 00:26:38,348 --> 00:26:40,722 <i>Look, dude, I gotta go. I'll call you later.</i> 498 00:26:56,682 --> 00:26:59,222 Sweetheart, do you need anything else? 499 00:26:59,223 --> 00:27:01,973 Here, yeah. Can you pass me that? 500 00:27:03,348 --> 00:27:04,722 <i>I can't believe this is, like...</i> 501 00:27:04,723 --> 00:27:06,972 ...real. 502 00:27:06,973 --> 00:27:08,931 <i>I know. Me either, honestly.</i> 503 00:27:08,932 --> 00:27:10,514 <i>So weird.</i> 504 00:27:10,515 --> 00:27:12,431 Okay, what do we do now? 505 00:27:12,432 --> 00:27:14,597 <i>I don't know.</i> 506 00:27:14,598 --> 00:27:18,472 <i>I guess you take my advice and make our life better?</i> 507 00:27:18,473 --> 00:27:20,722 Jesus. No pressure. 508 00:27:20,723 --> 00:27:22,764 <i>But I don't want to tell you too much, okay?</i> 509 00:27:22,765 --> 00:27:25,806 <i>I'm afraid I'll ruin, like, the surprises of life or whatever.</i> 510 00:27:25,807 --> 00:27:29,180 No, no, no, no. It's fine. We hate surprises, remember? 511 00:27:29,181 --> 00:27:32,346 <i>Yes, we hate them. Also, we have, like, no idea how this works,</i> 512 00:27:32,347 --> 00:27:34,430 <i>so maybe you don't tell anyone about this?</i> 513 00:27:34,431 --> 00:27:35,971 Yeah, I was not planning on that. 514 00:27:35,972 --> 00:27:39,430 And you won't tell our gorgeous wife and three children either, right? 515 00:27:39,431 --> 00:27:41,555 <i>Three children? Oh, my god, Elliott.</i> 516 00:27:41,556 --> 00:27:43,513 <i>Nobody's allowed to have three children anymore.</i> 517 00:27:43,514 --> 00:27:46,055 <i>Look, just listen to me.</i> 518 00:27:46,056 --> 00:27:48,138 <i>Don't do anything stupid, and we'll be fine.</i> 519 00:27:48,139 --> 00:27:50,013 - It's gonna work. I promise. <i>- I think.</i> 520 00:27:50,014 --> 00:27:51,930 - Fuck! Fuck! Shit! - Oh, shit! 521 00:27:51,931 --> 00:27:54,388 Whoa-ho! Shit! 522 00:27:54,389 --> 00:27:56,430 <i>Got you, got you. Okay, and if I don't kill us,</i> 523 00:27:56,431 --> 00:27:58,888 <i>will you tell me when we have our first threesome?</i> 524 00:27:58,889 --> 00:28:00,930 <i>Oh, my god, dude, I wish I had the energy</i> 525 00:28:00,931 --> 00:28:03,055 <i>to have sex with one person, let alone two.</i> 526 00:28:03,067 --> 00:28:03,763 <i>Come on!</i> 527 00:28:03,764 --> 00:28:05,305 <i>Go hang out with your brothers.</i> 528 00:28:05,306 --> 00:28:07,096 - Alakazam! - Oh! 529 00:28:07,097 --> 00:28:09,138 <i>I don't think you remember how annoying they are.</i> 530 00:28:09,139 --> 00:28:10,931 Why do you even want to come? 531 00:28:11,972 --> 00:28:17,056 Because I'm leaving soon, and I want us to bond. 532 00:28:19,014 --> 00:28:21,180 Anything new in your life? 533 00:28:21,181 --> 00:28:23,388 Not really. 534 00:28:26,222 --> 00:28:28,305 Are you gonna miss me when I'm gone? 535 00:28:29,388 --> 00:28:30,888 No. 536 00:28:32,263 --> 00:28:35,054 Fair. 537 00:28:36,721 --> 00:28:39,929 <i>Dude, there's absolutely no way this is making our life better.</i> 538 00:28:39,930 --> 00:28:42,220 <i>Dude, you played one game. Try harder.</i> 539 00:28:42,221 --> 00:28:44,262 Max! 540 00:28:44,263 --> 00:28:46,304 Hi. 541 00:28:46,305 --> 00:28:48,012 - Hi. - Can I help you with anything? 542 00:28:48,013 --> 00:28:50,180 You can take out the garbage. 543 00:28:51,888 --> 00:28:54,429 <i>This advice literally sucks dick, dude.</i> 544 00:28:54,430 --> 00:28:56,971 <i>Shut up. You literally suck dick.</i> 545 00:28:57,888 --> 00:28:59,720 Ray! Raymond! 546 00:28:59,721 --> 00:29:02,012 <i>Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Is that Chad?</i> 547 00:29:02,013 --> 00:29:04,137 <i>- Yo, get the fuck out of there. - I am.</i> 548 00:29:04,138 --> 00:29:05,762 <i>- Run! - I literally am.</i> 549 00:29:05,763 --> 00:29:07,554 <i>I told you to stay away from that guy.</i> 550 00:29:07,555 --> 00:29:09,220 <i>I know.</i> 551 00:29:09,221 --> 00:29:10,970 <i>I got this. We're good.</i> 552 00:29:10,971 --> 00:29:13,220 <i>You're stressing over nothing.</i> 553 00:29:13,221 --> 00:29:15,638 <i>I'm not gonna fuck this up.</i> 554 00:29:16,846 --> 00:29:18,346 Oh, fuck. 555 00:29:34,720 --> 00:29:36,303 What's going on? 556 00:29:36,304 --> 00:29:39,053 I saw one of those motherfucking evil snakes! I swear to god! 557 00:29:39,054 --> 00:29:41,553 - What did it look like? - It was, it was brown and it was, like, ...