Knocked Up

you got to share. 882 00:43:14,847 --> 00:43:15,931 Right. 883 00:43:16,015 --> 00:43:18,976 Man, my balls are shaved. My pubes are trimmed. 884 00:43:19,059 --> 00:43:21,395 I'm ready to fucking rock this shit. 885 00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,730 JONAH: What the fuck, man? 886 00:43:22,855 --> 00:43:26,066 If I go in there and see fucking pubes sprinkled on the toilet seat, 887 00:43:26,192 --> 00:43:28,027 I'm gonna fucking lose my mind! 888 00:43:28,152 --> 00:43:29,695 Last time I went to the bathroom, Jay, 889 00:43:29,820 --> 00:43:32,740 I took a shit and my shit looked like a fucking stuffed animal! 890 00:43:32,865 --> 00:43:34,742 You're embarrassing me in company. 891 00:43:34,867 --> 00:43:36,243 You embarrass yourself. 892 00:43:36,368 --> 00:43:38,871 Oh, great. I hope you have a great evening! 893 00:43:38,996 --> 00:43:41,499 - All right. Let's go. - Okay. 894 00:43:41,582 --> 00:43:43,042 BEN: See you guys later. 895 00:43:45,878 --> 00:43:49,632 The funny thing is I really had never even thought about having a baby. 896 00:43:49,715 --> 00:43:51,842 - Yeah. - I mean, if this hadn't happened, 897 00:43:51,926 --> 00:43:54,720 I don't think I would have wanted to have a baby for like, 898 00:43:54,845 --> 00:43:57,181 - I don't know, at least 10 years. - At least! 899 00:43:57,264 --> 00:44:00,059 God, I mean, honestly, I just got used to the, like, 900 00:44:00,184 --> 00:44:02,895 notion that someone would even have sex with me. 901 00:44:03,020 --> 00:44:05,231 I didn't think this would happen. 902 00:44:06,232 --> 00:44:07,358 Get ready. 903 00:44:07,441 --> 00:44:10,319 This will be coming out of you in seven months. 904 00:44:10,402 --> 00:44:12,196 This is exactly what our baby will look like. 905 00:44:12,279 --> 00:44:14,949 - It's a beautiful picture, Ben. - It is. It's not bad. 906 00:44:15,074 --> 00:44:16,158 (IN FOREIGN ACCENT) Hello, Mommy. 907 00:44:16,242 --> 00:44:19,119 - Our baby's gonna be French-Canadian. - With a little hint of Spanish. 908 00:44:19,245 --> 00:44:22,122 Exactly. I'm not good with accents, but... 909 00:44:22,248 --> 00:44:24,333 - BEN: Baby books. - Awesome. 910 00:44:24,416 --> 00:44:25,960 <i>"What to Expect When You're Expecting."</i> 911 00:44:26,085 --> 00:44:30,673 - What can we expect? - Well, you can't eat sushi. 912 00:44:30,756 --> 00:44:32,174 You can't smoke. 913 00:44:32,258 --> 00:44:35,678 You can't smoke marijuana. You can't smoke crack. 914 00:44:35,761 --> 00:44:37,471 You can't jump on trampolines. 915 00:44:37,596 --> 00:44:40,224 This is basically a giant list of things you can't do. 916 00:44:40,307 --> 00:44:41,809 Yeah, it sounds thrilling. 917 00:44:41,934 --> 00:44:44,436 I'm gonna be sitting there on the trampoline smoking crack. 918 00:44:44,562 --> 00:44:46,939 And you're not gonna have anything to do. You're gonna be bored. 919 00:44:47,064 --> 00:44:48,649 But I can't wait to read these, honestly. 920 00:44:48,774 --> 00:44:50,401 Seriously, I put these in front of my toilet, though, 921 00:44:50,484 --> 00:44:52,194 they'll be read by tomorrow morning. 922 00:44:52,278 --> 00:44:53,612 - Do you want me to get you that? - Yeah. 923 00:44:53,737 --> 00:44:55,072 - You like it? - Yeah, thank you. 924 00:44:55,155 --> 00:44:56,407 No problem. 925 00:44:56,490 --> 00:44:58,158 These are heavy. 926 00:45:12,089 --> 00:45:13,716 So what do you think? Should we have sex tonight? 927 00:45:13,799 --> 00:45:15,259 (GROANS WITH DISGUST) 928 00:45:15,593 --> 00:45:17,094 Sounds awful. 929 00:45:19,471 --> 00:45:21,765 I'm just really constipated. 930 00:45:22,641 --> 00:45:25,394 - Do you really want to? - Well, now... 931 00:45:25,477 --> 00:45:26,896 Shut up. 932 00:45:26,979 --> 00:45:30,399 - It's pretty crazy, your sister's pregnant. - We have to help her. 933 00:45:30,482 --> 00:45:33,319 I think they'll be fine. Look at us. It happened to us. 934 00:45:33,444 --> 00:45:36,155 - We'll help her raise the baby. - Well... 935 00:45:38,782 --> 00:45:39,992 Fuck! 936 00:45:45,915 --> 00:45:49,168 At least we don't have to use a condom, you know? 937 00:45:50,294 --> 00:45:53,505 But we can. I don't... I brought some just in case. I don't... 938 00:45:53,589 --> 00:45:56,008 I don't have VD or anything. I mean, I don't, I thought... 939 00:45:56,091 --> 00:45:58,677 - It's not that. - You know, it's just... 940 00:45:58,802 --> 00:46:03,349 I thought maybe we could get a little fun out of your situation, you know? 941 00:46:03,432 --> 00:46:06,268 Okay, first of all, it's not my situation. It's our situation. 942 00:46:06,352 --> 00:46:07,686 I know, of course, I know that. 943 00:46:07,770 --> 00:46:09,605 And just because I'm pregnant, I'm not some ruined woman 944 00:46:09,688 --> 00:46:13,192 -and all romance goes out the door. - Okay, okay. I'm sorry. 945 00:46:14,777 --> 00:46:16,195 It's just... 946 00:46:17,363 --> 00:46:20,324 I like you a lot. That's all this is. That's... 947 00:46:24,036 --> 00:46:26,121 - I like you, too....