Monster-in-Law

a damned cockatoo. 737 00:33:19,424 --> 00:33:22,839 She is such a fabulous assistant. 738 00:33:30,290 --> 00:33:32,083 Hey, do you think your mother liked me? 739 00:33:33,249 --> 00:33:34,408 Of course. Why? 740 00:33:35,377 --> 00:33:37,789 I don't know, because she called me a pregnant lesbian? 741 00:33:40,033 --> 00:33:41,853 I'm sure she meant that as a compliment. 742 00:33:42,550 --> 00:33:44,288 Trust me. She loved you. 743 00:33:45,210 --> 00:33:46,400 Oh, they're gone? 744 00:33:46,795 --> 00:33:49,562 Ok. Well, I'll just put this baby back to bed, okay? 745 00:33:49,975 --> 00:33:53,670 My son, the brilliant surgeon 746 00:33:53,695 --> 00:33:57,550 is gonna marry a temp. 747 00:34:06,858 --> 00:34:09,109 Gonna need something stronger than this. 748 00:34:10,773 --> 00:34:12,590 Where's that martini? 749 00:34:13,340 --> 00:34:15,322 Hooch will not solve your problems. 750 00:34:16,772 --> 00:34:18,474 She's gonna destroy him. 751 00:34:18,499 --> 00:34:20,312 It is so clear. 752 00:34:20,618 --> 00:34:23,030 She's got no money, no career goals. 753 00:34:24,340 --> 00:34:27,865 She's just waiting for a rich innocent to step right in her path. 754 00:34:28,133 --> 00:34:30,314 Oh, Kevin's smarter than that. 755 00:34:30,339 --> 00:34:32,232 Come on, you raised him well. 756 00:34:32,257 --> 00:34:33,473 He's a good boy. 757 00:34:34,716 --> 00:34:36,525 But he's a man. That's the problem. 758 00:34:36,550 --> 00:34:38,704 The only time they think straight is when they have an erection, 759 00:34:38,729 --> 00:34:42,381 and it's usually pointed right at the trampiest woman. 760 00:34:42,930 --> 00:34:44,793 You talking about her or you? 761 00:34:47,026 --> 00:34:49,066 Look, there's nothing you can do. 762 00:34:49,091 --> 00:34:50,372 Just let it go. 763 00:34:50,397 --> 00:34:51,915 You know what you need? 764 00:34:51,940 --> 00:34:53,091 A project. 765 00:34:53,116 --> 00:34:54,596 Or another husband. 766 00:34:55,106 --> 00:34:56,912 You know, why don't you marry another gay guy? 767 00:34:56,937 --> 00:34:57,910 That was fun. 768 00:34:59,366 --> 00:35:00,411 You know, you're right. 769 00:35:00,436 --> 00:35:01,824 I do need a project. 770 00:35:03,237 --> 00:35:05,451 And I have the perfect one. 771 00:35:05,476 --> 00:35:07,573 I am gonna save my son. 772 00:35:08,814 --> 00:35:09,663 Here. 773 00:35:09,695 --> 00:35:10,175 What? 774 00:35:10,200 --> 00:35:11,880 You go use those old contacts of yours 775 00:35:11,905 --> 00:35:14,966 to get all the information you can about that little pimp. 776 00:35:14,991 --> 00:35:17,514 And exactly what do you expect to find? 777 00:35:18,569 --> 00:35:20,716 Everybody's got a past, honey. 778 00:35:21,221 --> 00:35:22,409 Find something. 779 00:35:22,434 --> 00:35:25,298 And I'm gonna open up the Montecito house 780 00:35:25,323 --> 00:35:26,760 and get a party planner. 781 00:35:27,124 --> 00:35:29,868 I'm gonna give them an engagement party. 782 00:35:29,893 --> 00:35:31,631 And then what? Lock her in the basement? 783 00:35:31,656 --> 00:35:34,369 When he sees how out of place she is in his world, 784 00:35:34,394 --> 00:35:35,855 it's gonna be over. 785 00:35:37,427 --> 00:35:39,100 This will end badly. 786 00:35:40,053 --> 00:35:41,316 Get me another one of those. 787 00:35:42,875 --> 00:35:44,359 ♪Ooh-ohh 788 00:35:44,384 --> 00:35:47,586 ♪I just wanna get down with you 789 00:35:47,611 --> 00:35:48,598 Eh! 790 00:35:49,069 --> 00:35:52,001 ♪I just wanna get close to you 791 00:35:52,026 --> 00:35:53,872 ♪Ooh-ohh 792 00:35:53,897 --> 00:35:55,910 ♪I just need to come farther... 793 00:35:55,935 --> 00:35:59,070 Is it me, or is each house you take me to bigger than the last? 794 00:36:06,229 --> 00:36:08,800 Well, I thought your mom said this was a barbecue. 795 00:36:09,303 --> 00:36:12,486 Oh my God. Looks like she's invited everyone I've ever known. 796 00:36:15,182 --> 00:36:16,806 And they're all in black tie. 797 00:36:17,472 --> 00:36:18,956 Oh, there's my mom. Mom! 798 00:36:18,981 --> 00:36:19,869 Darlings! 799 00:36:20,236 --> 00:36:21,412 How was the trip? 800 00:36:23,322 --> 00:36:24,250 - I'm sorry. - Welcome. 801 00:36:24,275 --> 00:36:26,247 I didn't know this was a formal party. 802 00:36:26,272 --> 00:36:28,926 Well, that's because I have something for you. I bought you a new dress. 803 00:36:28,951 --> 00:36:30,703 Oh, see? There's a dress upstairs. 804 00:36:30,728 --> 00:36:32,363 - Thank you. - Besides, you look great in anything. 805 00:36:32,388 --> 00:36:36,001 Exactly. You always look so clean and shiny. 806 00:36:37,477 --> 00:36:40,131 Oh, Kevin, your tuxedo's upstairs in your room. 807 00:36:40,156 --> 00:36:42,246 But first I want you to meet some friends. Come. 808 00:36:42,271 --> 00:36:42,607 Ok. 809 00:36:42,632 --> 00:36:43,944 - Prince Amir. - Can I change first? 810 00:36:47,563 --> 00:36:48,423 This is Sarah. 811 00:36:48,448 --> 00:36:49,480 You know Kevin? 812