I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry

00:19:25,030 --> 00:19:27,828 Larry, look at us. We're not gay. 414 00:19:27,900 --> 00:19:29,197 But if we were gay, don't you think 415 00:19:29,268 --> 00:19:31,429 I'd be with someone a little hotter-looking than you? 416 00:19:31,503 --> 00:19:33,630 I'm Mr. February, for God's sake. 417 00:19:33,705 --> 00:19:37,835 It would be like the prom king fooling around with a tuba player. 418 00:19:37,910 --> 00:19:39,207 Oh, great, I play tuba. 419 00:19:39,278 --> 00:19:40,836 Larry, I love you, 420 00:19:40,913 --> 00:19:43,438 but I'm not in love with you, if that makes any sense. 421 00:19:43,515 --> 00:19:45,210 I still wanna be friends. 422 00:19:45,284 --> 00:19:47,809 All right, do me a favor. Just picture this, please. All right? 423 00:19:47,886 --> 00:19:49,513 You're at my funeral 424 00:19:49,588 --> 00:19:51,783 and you're looking for my kids, but they're not there. 425 00:19:51,857 --> 00:19:53,654 'Cause they're in some factory in Bangladesh 426 00:19:53,725 --> 00:19:56,353 making sneakers for six cents an hour. 427 00:19:56,962 --> 00:20:00,728 And you go home to nail some chick you met at my gravesite. 428 00:20:00,799 --> 00:20:03,962 And you look up, and right there in your window 429 00:20:04,503 --> 00:20:06,027 are my kids. 430 00:20:06,104 --> 00:20:08,470 They're just tapping on the glass. 431 00:20:08,540 --> 00:20:12,032 And they have tears just streaming down their faces. 432 00:20:12,110 --> 00:20:16,740 You think of that and now you give me your answer. 433 00:20:18,550 --> 00:20:20,882 How are they tapping on my window if they're in Bangladesh? 434 00:20:20,953 --> 00:20:23,717 Oh, my God. You're... You're not following me here. 435 00:20:23,789 --> 00:20:25,586 Yeah, I'm serious. Chuck? 436 00:20:25,657 --> 00:20:27,921 Thirsty. Do you have anything to drink? 437 00:20:27,993 --> 00:20:30,587 Yeah, there's Gatorade in the fridge. 438 00:20:30,862 --> 00:20:34,354 The girls are here. The girls, they want the Gatorade. 439 00:20:34,433 --> 00:20:36,060 CHUCK: Oh, they're thirsty. 440 00:20:36,134 --> 00:20:37,499 Larry, Larry, watch this. 441 00:20:37,569 --> 00:20:40,732 Hey, girls, actually it's down low, the Gatorade. 442 00:20:40,839 --> 00:20:41,828 (WOMEN MURMURING) 443 00:20:42,307 --> 00:20:43,865 I can't be gay, Larry. 444 00:20:43,942 --> 00:20:46,570 I could be a lesbian for you, but that's about it. 445 00:20:46,645 --> 00:20:50,843 I am so lonely in here. Hurry up, Chuck. 446 00:20:50,916 --> 00:20:53,180 Dr. Honey! Dr. Honey. You know Dr. Honey. 447 00:20:53,585 --> 00:20:54,950 Yeah, I do. 448 00:20:55,554 --> 00:20:57,749 How are you feeling, Mr. Valentine? 449 00:20:57,823 --> 00:20:59,518 It's still stiff when I go to the right. 450 00:20:59,591 --> 00:21:00,615 DOCTOR: That's normal. 451 00:21:00,692 --> 00:21:02,489 Hey, who untied you? 452 00:21:03,929 --> 00:21:06,193 What? What? We have rules around here, girls. 453 00:21:06,265 --> 00:21:07,289 (WOMEN SHRIEKING) 454 00:21:07,366 --> 00:21:09,357 Specific orders, girls. 455 00:21:09,434 --> 00:21:12,164 Now I'm gonna go Charlie Chaplin on your ass! 456 00:21:12,237 --> 00:21:14,899 Here, use the cane. Use it! Use it! 457 00:21:14,973 --> 00:21:16,668 Whap them, whap them! 458 00:21:16,908 --> 00:21:18,705 You... You're just an animal, man. 459 00:21:18,777 --> 00:21:21,041 I'm not an animal. I am a whore. 460 00:21:21,446 --> 00:21:24,472 You don't want to marry the town whore. Believe me, you're better than that. 461 00:21:24,549 --> 00:21:28,645 What I'm talking about is no more involved than co-signing a loan or joining a gym. 462 00:21:28,720 --> 00:21:30,347 How do we know no one's gonna find out about this? 463 00:21:30,422 --> 00:21:33,050 Because privacy laws are super strict nowadays. 464 00:21:33,125 --> 00:21:36,117 Look, all we gotta do is just forward your mail to my house for a while. 465 00:21:36,194 --> 00:21:37,320 That's it. 466 00:21:37,396 --> 00:21:39,159 Oh, I don't know. 467 00:21:39,231 --> 00:21:41,290 I saved your life, bitch. 468 00:21:43,669 --> 00:21:44,931 Partners? 469 00:21:46,038 --> 00:21:47,266 Partners. 470 00:21:47,339 --> 00:21:48,328 Shake on it? 471 00:21:49,241 --> 00:21:51,675 CHUCK: You should've let me die, asshole. 472 00:22:09,394 --> 00:22:11,624 You're partners now, fellas. 473 00:22:19,237 --> 00:22:20,898 Teresa brought in the mail. 474 00:22:21,039 --> 00:22:23,064 That's a first. Me. 475 00:22:23,442 --> 00:22:25,740 Chuck. That's me. 476 00:22:28,213 --> 00:22:29,373 Chuck. 477 00:22:31,049 --> 00:22:32,073 Chuck. 478 00:22:33,218 --> 00:22:34,412 Chuck. 479 00:22:34,753 --> 00:22:36,277 What the hell? 480 00:22:36,922 --> 00:22:38,321 Chuck. 481 00:22:38,990 --> 00:22:39,979 Chuck. 482 00:22:40,926 --> 00:22:44,