Johnny Dangerously

329 00:31:12,278 --> 00:31:17,978 And for that reason, I�m naming as my successor... 330 00:31:18,478 --> 00:31:21,678 ...Johnny Dangerously. 331 00:31:25,478 --> 00:31:30,778 Now I want you to give a warm welcome to a very shy, retiring, little lady... 332 00:31:31,278 --> 00:31:34,378 ...who's come to us from a convent school in Pittsburgh: 333 00:31:34,678 --> 00:31:37,278 Lil Sheridan. 334 00:32:04,477 --> 00:32:05,477 Yeah! 335 00:34:02,176 --> 00:34:04,776 There's Johnny. 336 00:34:05,276 --> 00:34:08,076 He's so cute. 337 00:34:16,776 --> 00:34:18,976 You're holding up traffic. 338 00:34:19,276 --> 00:34:23,176 That song you just sang, I figured that gave me the green light. 339 00:34:23,475 --> 00:34:28,675 Let's just say you're off red, but you're still on amber. 340 00:34:29,475 --> 00:34:32,575 I hope that light changes soon because my motor's running. 341 00:34:32,775 --> 00:34:36,475 You better be careful, you don't wanna overheat. 342 00:34:36,875 --> 00:34:39,275 - I'll tell you one thing... - What's that? 343 00:34:39,575 --> 00:34:42,075 ...you sure can banter. 344 00:34:42,475 --> 00:34:46,675 So then I decided to leave Pittsburgh and come here to Chicago. 345 00:34:47,075 --> 00:34:49,775 - Lil? - Yeah? 346 00:34:50,075 --> 00:34:54,375 This ain't Chicago. We're in New York. 347 00:34:54,775 --> 00:34:57,175 You're kidding. 348 00:34:58,375 --> 00:35:04,275 New York, Chicago. To a girl on her own, it's all the same. 349 00:35:06,775 --> 00:35:12,675 I figured Mom and Dad didn't need me around, not with 14 mouths to feed. 350 00:35:13,175 --> 00:35:17,675 - Your folks had 14 kids? - No, they ran a kennel. 351 00:35:18,075 --> 00:35:22,775 - What about your folks? - My mom practically raised us by herself. 352 00:35:23,275 --> 00:35:29,175 I never knew my father or my uncle. I kind of knew my grandmother. 353 00:35:29,975 --> 00:35:34,075 Didn't know my grandfather. Never knew any of my cousins. 354 00:35:34,375 --> 00:35:37,775 - Any pets? - Yeah, we had a dog. 355 00:35:38,175 --> 00:35:42,674 He ran away when I was a kid. I never knew him. 356 00:35:50,174 --> 00:35:52,074 Where the hell are we? 357 00:35:56,574 --> 00:36:01,574 - Johnny, I�m falling in a big way. - You got company, kid. 358 00:36:02,074 --> 00:36:06,374 Where we gonna land? And when we do, will our hearts break? 359 00:36:06,674 --> 00:36:11,974 I'm sure there are answers to all these questions, but first... 360 00:36:25,374 --> 00:36:27,474 Sounds like Johnny's getting laid. 361 00:36:31,474 --> 00:36:34,174 Moronie was still on the warpath. 362 00:36:34,374 --> 00:36:36,874 Even getting to work was an adventure. 363 00:36:37,174 --> 00:36:40,074 - Johnny, be careful. - Don't worry, doll. 364 00:36:40,374 --> 00:36:43,774 There's not a bullet out there with my name on it. 365 00:36:46,674 --> 00:36:49,174 I couldn't stand it if something happened to you. 366 00:36:49,474 --> 00:36:51,874 Neither could I. 367 00:37:11,173 --> 00:37:14,273 One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus... 368 00:37:14,573 --> 00:37:17,773 ...three hippopotamus. Go! 369 00:37:38,473 --> 00:37:41,473 - Whoa. Wait! - Get him! 370 00:37:49,373 --> 00:37:50,973 Morning, Johnny. - Hiya, Pat. 371 00:37:51,173 --> 00:37:52,573 How's that precious mother of yours? 372 00:38:04,273 --> 00:38:06,973 - You been out there today? - Pretty rough, huh? 373 00:38:07,173 --> 00:38:09,373 Not as bad as yesterday. 374 00:38:09,673 --> 00:38:13,773 - You'll feel better if you have a cookie. - Thanks. 375 00:38:14,173 --> 00:38:17,972 - All fixed, Mr. Dundee. - Thanks, pal. 376 00:38:18,272 --> 00:38:22,972 - Who's that guy? - The plumber. My drain was stuck. 377 00:38:23,472 --> 00:38:27,972 Where is all this gangland warfare getting us anyway? 378 00:38:28,372 --> 00:38:30,572 I want Moronie. 379 00:38:30,772 --> 00:38:35,572 And I�m not gonna rest until I get him. 380 00:38:35,972 --> 00:38:38,672 Or until he gets you. 381 00:38:40,372 --> 00:38:42,272 Hey! Hey! 382 00:38:42,572 --> 00:38:47,772 Oh! Relax, Johnny. Relax. Come on. 383 00:38:49,272 --> 00:38:54,372 A year from now, we're gonna look back on all this and have one big laugh. 384 00:38:57,472 --> 00:39:00,172 Oh, boy. 385 00:39:00,372 --> 00:39:02,572 I really had to wee wee. 386 00:39:02,872 --> 00:39:07,972 That's funny. This bathroom drain was never stuck before. 387 00:39:10,972 --> 00:39:13,172 Mr. Dundee, wait! 388 00:39:19,772 --> 00:39:23,272 - Got the number of that other plumber? Mr. Dundee... 389 00:39:24,772 --> 00:39:29,272 Oh, my God! Moronie, you son of a bitch! What have you done to me? 390 00:39:29,672 --> 00:39:32,472 - Calm down. - Why go on living? 391 00:39:32,672 --> 00:39:34,972 Look, don't panic. 392 00:39:35,271 --> 00:39:39,671 Calm down? I'm standing he