Dave Chappelle: Killin' Them Softly

419 00:19:44,584 --> 00:19:47,818 This was not good. 420 00:19:47,921 --> 00:19:49,820 I was like, "man, i gotta look around 421 00:19:49,923 --> 00:19:51,389 "And see if i can see some landmarks 422 00:19:51,491 --> 00:19:53,591 "And figure out where i'm at. 423 00:19:53,693 --> 00:19:55,359 I'm gonna have to escape on foot." 424 00:19:57,230 --> 00:19:58,963 Now, this is when i knew i was in a bad neighborhood. 425 00:19:59,065 --> 00:20:01,332 You only see this in the worst neighborhoods. 426 00:20:01,434 --> 00:20:03,968 Remember, it's 3:00 in the morning. 427 00:20:04,070 --> 00:20:06,537 I look out the window, 428 00:20:06,573 --> 00:20:10,508 There was a fuckin' baby standin' on the corner! 429 00:20:13,880 --> 00:20:15,846 There was! 430 00:20:18,718 --> 00:20:21,519 And the baby didn't even look scared, 431 00:20:21,621 --> 00:20:23,554 He was just standing there. 432 00:20:30,763 --> 00:20:33,598 I mean, it made me sad, it made me sad, it really did. 433 00:20:33,700 --> 00:20:35,600 You know, because i wanted to help the baby. 434 00:20:35,702 --> 00:20:39,937 "Hmm, i don't trust you either, sorry!" 435 00:20:43,276 --> 00:20:46,911 The old baby-On-The-Corner trick, eh? 436 00:20:47,013 --> 00:20:49,981 I'm not gonna fall for that shit. 437 00:20:50,083 --> 00:20:53,718 Where's this limousine driver? 438 00:20:53,820 --> 00:20:54,952 You know, i start feeling bad. 439 00:20:55,054 --> 00:20:57,755 As time goes by, i start feeling worse. 440 00:20:57,857 --> 00:20:59,123 Man, what is wrong with me? 441 00:20:59,225 --> 00:21:01,859 I'm scared of a baby. 442 00:21:01,961 --> 00:21:03,427 And this baby could be in trouble, 443 00:21:03,529 --> 00:21:04,929 He might need my help. 444 00:21:05,031 --> 00:21:06,631 I gotta do something. 445 00:21:06,733 --> 00:21:09,233 But, i wasn't gonna get out of the car. 446 00:21:09,335 --> 00:21:11,902 I'm serious, man, 447 00:21:12,005 --> 00:21:13,838 I just cracked the window a little bit. 448 00:21:16,643 --> 00:21:19,377 It was an old limousine, i can roll it down. 449 00:21:28,254 --> 00:21:30,321 "Hey, baby! 450 00:21:30,423 --> 00:21:31,822 "Baby, go home, man. 451 00:21:31,924 --> 00:21:33,491 "It's 3:00 in the morning. 452 00:21:33,526 --> 00:21:35,459 What the fuck are you doing up?!" 453 00:21:38,531 --> 00:21:40,097 The baby said, "i'm selling weed, nigger!" 454 00:21:40,199 --> 00:21:41,999 I said, "oh, shit!" 455 00:21:47,206 --> 00:21:49,407 I wasn't expecting that! 456 00:21:52,612 --> 00:21:54,378 I'm serious, i had to buy two bags from him 457 00:21:54,480 --> 00:21:56,547 To calm my nerves. 458 00:21:59,218 --> 00:22:02,153 I got back in the car and rolled me a joint, man. 459 00:22:02,188 --> 00:22:03,854 That shit was scary, man, 460 00:22:03,956 --> 00:22:05,189 And every once in a while, 461 00:22:05,291 --> 00:22:06,524 A crack-Head would come up to the car 462 00:22:06,626 --> 00:22:07,692 And look in the window. 463 00:22:07,794 --> 00:22:08,893 It was like "jurassic park" and shit, 464 00:22:08,995 --> 00:22:11,462 He'd be looking in the car... 465 00:22:11,564 --> 00:22:14,098 I said, "get outta here, crackie!" 466 00:22:18,438 --> 00:22:20,438 That baby was still standing there, man. 467 00:22:20,473 --> 00:22:22,840 Then i started feeling bad again. 468 00:22:22,942 --> 00:22:25,109 You know how weed make you feel guilty sometimes? 469 00:22:25,211 --> 00:22:26,711 "Man, what is wrong with me? 470 00:22:26,813 --> 00:22:29,680 Man, i have just bought weed from an infant." 471 00:22:29,782 --> 00:22:32,583 I can't condone this kind of behavior. 472 00:22:32,685 --> 00:22:33,818 What am i thinking? 473 00:22:33,920 --> 00:22:37,088 I can't let the fear ruin my morals. 474 00:22:37,190 --> 00:22:39,457 Gotta do something. 475 00:22:46,733 --> 00:22:50,534 "Hey, baby, stop selling weed, alright? 476 00:22:50,570 --> 00:22:52,603 You got your whole life ahead of you." 477 00:22:52,705 --> 00:22:54,839 He said, "fuck you, nigger, i got kids to feed!" 478 00:22:55,074 --> 00:22:57,441 I was like, "god-Damn!" 479 00:23:02,281 --> 00:23:04,315 Sad! 480 00:23:06,652 --> 00:23:07,952 And, just at that very moment, 481 00:23:08,054 --> 00:23:09,987 A crack-Head was running across the street 482 00:23:10,089 --> 00:23:12,089 And got hit by a car. 483 00:23:12,125 --> 00:23:13,858 Now, i know it was a hit-And-Run. 484 00:23:13,960 --> 00:23:15,960 The police did it. 485 00:23:15,995 --> 00:23:17,595 That's alright, 486 00:23:17,697 --> 00:23:19,897 They sprinkled some crack on him and he got back up! 487 00:23:27,306 --> 00:23:29,206 You know, i'd be seein' that kinda shit, man. 488 00:23:29,308 --> 00:23:32,042 They use the tv to program us, 489 00:23:32,145 --> 00:23:33,978 From a