Shane Gillis: Beautiful Dogs

<i>"I've seen women walk through this, no problem."</i> 410 00:18:09,838 --> 00:18:11,924 <i>I mean, it's nice, it's a nice gesture.</i> 411 00:18:12,007 --> 00:18:14,259 <i>And sometimes it tricks me, I'm like, "Yeah."</i> 412 00:18:14,343 --> 00:18:15,886 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 413 00:18:15,969 --> 00:18:17,638 <i>"Yeah, maybe it's not gonna fit."</i> 414 00:18:17,721 --> 00:18:19,723 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 415 00:18:19,807 --> 00:18:21,016 <i>No, it's gonna fit.</i> 416 00:18:22,101 --> 00:18:24,269 <i>It's gonna fit. It's gonna fall out a couple times.</i> 417 00:18:24,353 --> 00:18:26,188 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 418 00:18:28,232 --> 00:18:29,983 <i>No, the screaming phase is about done.</i> 419 00:18:30,067 --> 00:18:32,402 <i>We moved in together, so that's when that ends.</i> 420 00:18:32,486 --> 00:18:36,115 <i>Once you... Before you live together, sex is like, "Yeah, fuck me, meh."</i> 421 00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:39,827 <i>Once you move in together, sex slowly becomes just,</i> 422 00:18:39,910 --> 00:18:43,539 <i>some lady laying on a bed next to a pile of unfolded laundry, just...</i> 423 00:18:44,289 --> 00:18:47,668 <i>[inhales rhythmically]</i> 424 00:18:48,544 --> 00:18:50,129 <i>"Ow, you're on my hair!"</i> 425 00:18:50,212 --> 00:18:52,214 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 426 00:18:55,259 --> 00:18:59,596 <i>No, we live together now. My girlfriend moved in with me, so we have sex and, uh...</i> 427 00:18:59,680 --> 00:19:03,392 <i>As soon as we're done having sex, I wish that she would fucking evaporate.</i> 428 00:19:03,475 --> 00:19:06,520 <i>- [audience laughs] - I'm frightened. [chuckling]</i> 429 00:19:08,480 --> 00:19:12,025 <i>No, who would know? You guys are right, I hate playing Xbox by myself, dude.</i> 430 00:19:12,109 --> 00:19:14,236 <i>- [audience laughs] - What the fuck?</i> 431 00:19:14,319 --> 00:19:16,780 <i>[sarcastically] I love having her around all the time.</i> 432 00:19:17,614 --> 00:19:19,199 <i>Fucking turning on lights.</i> 433 00:19:22,202 --> 00:19:23,996 <i>Asking me to hang out.</i> 434 00:19:24,079 --> 00:19:25,080 <i>"No."</i> 435 00:19:25,164 --> 00:19:27,332 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 436 00:19:27,416 --> 00:19:30,210 <i>No, we hang out. I'm just not used to it. I'm not used to...</i> 437 00:19:30,294 --> 00:19:32,379 <i>I'm not used to hanging out with a woman all the time.</i> 438 00:19:32,462 --> 00:19:36,300 <i>I'm not used to hanging out with women. I don't have any female friends.</i> 439 00:19:36,383 --> 00:19:38,594 <i>I'm more of a having-a-good-time type of guy.</i> 440 00:19:38,677 --> 00:19:40,179 <i>- You know? - [audience laughs]</i> 441 00:19:40,262 --> 00:19:43,765 <i>I don't even know what women do for fun. Fucking fold shit, or something like that?</i> 442 00:19:43,849 --> 00:19:45,767 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 443 00:19:46,894 --> 00:19:48,604 <i>Huh? [chuckles]</i> 444 00:19:48,687 --> 00:19:51,273 <i>Look, I know that's not the best joke of all time.</i> 445 00:19:52,065 --> 00:19:55,611 <i>From your seats, that's not the most well-crafted joke.</i> 446 00:19:55,694 --> 00:19:57,446 <i>"What do women do? Fold shit?"</i> 447 00:19:58,447 --> 00:20:01,450 <i>But from up here, from up here, it's a very, very funny joke.</i> 448 00:20:02,326 --> 00:20:05,746 <i>I get to say something as dumb as, "What do women do? Fold shit?"</i> 449 00:20:05,829 --> 00:20:08,832 <i>And look out and see about 15 different women going...</i> 450 00:20:08,916 --> 00:20:10,876 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 451 00:20:10,959 --> 00:20:12,085 <i>[laughs]</i> 452 00:20:12,169 --> 00:20:14,213 <i>I understand, most of the women here</i> 453 00:20:14,296 --> 00:20:16,590 <i>are girlfriends that were dragged to this show,</i> 454 00:20:17,090 --> 00:20:19,593 <i>that already don't like me 'cause every time they're in their car,</i> 455 00:20:19,676 --> 00:20:22,137 <i>their boyfriends are like, "Listen to this part of the podcast."</i> 456 00:20:22,221 --> 00:20:23,972 <i>[audience laughs]</i> 457 00:20:24,056 --> 00:20:25,307 <i>- Yeah. - [audience cheers]</i> 458 00:20:25,390 --> 00:20:26,683 <i>I'm aware.</i> 459 00:20:26,767 --> 00:20:30,812 <i>[audience cheering]</i> 460 00:20:30,896 --> 00:20:33,315 <i>And now... And now those women are here,</i> 461 00:20:33,398 --> 00:20:36,401 <i>and the show is going exactly how they knew it was gonna go.</i> 462 00:20:37,152 --> 00:20:40,280 <i>Some dumb ogre on stage like, "Women are dumb, ah!"</i> 463 00:20:41,657 --> 00:20:43,825 <i>So, no, I appreciate it. I appreciate you.</i> 464 00:20:44,534 --> 00:20:45,577 <i>Sweet angels.</i> 465 00:20:48,455 --> 00:20:51,541 <i>I found this out from hanging out with my girlfriend, uh...</i> 466 00:20:51,625 --> 00:20:54,086 <i>I didn't know that women... women watch porn now.</i> 467 00:2