Louis C.K.: Oh My God

Soon as I start, I can feel-- 367 00:20:47,896 --> 00:20:51,649 I'm pushing all the fat up into my vital organs, 368 00:20:51,683 --> 00:20:53,484 And I just feel all the systems failing. 369 00:20:53,518 --> 00:20:54,652 "beep, beep, beep!" 370 00:20:57,456 --> 00:21:00,992 And I have to, like, lay on my back like an eight-year-old 371 00:21:01,026 --> 00:21:03,878 And go like this, and I start passing out. 372 00:21:11,586 --> 00:21:16,040 And I know other people's lives are hard. 373 00:21:16,058 --> 00:21:20,428 Ha ha ha! 374 00:21:20,479 --> 00:21:23,597 I know. 375 00:21:23,649 --> 00:21:26,817 I saw an interview on tv with michael j. Fox, 376 00:21:26,852 --> 00:21:29,103 And he has parkinson's, and he was describing 377 00:21:29,154 --> 00:21:30,988 Brushing his teeth, and he said 378 00:21:31,023 --> 00:21:34,058 It takes him two hours a day, and he said it's agony, 379 00:21:34,076 --> 00:21:36,827 And I saw this and I thought, "ok. That's hard." 380 00:21:36,862 --> 00:21:38,829 That is hard, 381 00:21:38,864 --> 00:21:42,033 And so is putting on my socks. 382 00:21:43,585 --> 00:21:45,586 Sorry, michael. 383 00:21:45,620 --> 00:21:48,873 Doesn't make it easier to know about your thing. 384 00:21:48,907 --> 00:21:50,240 Tell you what. 385 00:21:50,258 --> 00:21:54,411 I'll help you brush your teeth, you help me with the socks. 386 00:21:54,429 --> 00:21:56,931 I don't know. I like getting older, though. 387 00:21:56,965 --> 00:21:59,517 Life is an education, and if you're older, you're smarter. 388 00:21:59,551 --> 00:22:00,768 I just believe that. 389 00:22:00,802 --> 00:22:02,103 If you're in an argument with somebody 390 00:22:02,137 --> 00:22:04,138 And they're older than you, you should listen to them. 391 00:22:04,189 --> 00:22:05,756 It doesn't mean they're right. 392 00:22:05,774 --> 00:22:07,274 It means that even if they're wrong, 393 00:22:07,309 --> 00:22:11,278 Their wrongness is rooted in more information than you have. 394 00:22:11,313 --> 00:22:14,615 They've been there longer. If you're older, you're smarter. 395 00:22:14,649 --> 00:22:17,068 How many people here, by applause, are 45 or older? 396 00:22:17,102 --> 00:22:18,652 45 or older, applaud. 397 00:22:20,122 --> 00:22:21,956 Ok. 398 00:22:21,990 --> 00:22:27,111 That's about 60 people out of 2,400. 399 00:22:27,129 --> 00:22:30,948 Here's the interesting thing. There's way more. I can see you. 400 00:22:30,966 --> 00:22:33,551 There's so many more. 401 00:22:33,585 --> 00:22:34,952 This is arizona. 402 00:22:34,970 --> 00:22:38,055 There are way more people in that demographic, 403 00:22:38,090 --> 00:22:40,290 But they didn't clap. 404 00:22:40,308 --> 00:22:43,460 Why? 'cause they're smart. 405 00:22:43,478 --> 00:22:45,262 They're sitting in the dark going, "I don't have to clap. 406 00:22:45,296 --> 00:22:47,064 I don't have to do anything." 407 00:22:47,099 --> 00:22:49,934 They're not doing it, and they're right. 408 00:22:49,968 --> 00:22:52,803 You know why? 'cause never identify yourself. 409 00:22:52,821 --> 00:22:56,273 Never. Are you crazy? You don't know why I'm asking. 410 00:22:56,307 --> 00:22:57,658 How do you know what-- 411 00:22:57,692 --> 00:22:59,693 Ok. Burn them all. Burn everybody over 45. 412 00:22:59,745 --> 00:23:02,980 How do you know I'm not gonna do that? 413 00:23:06,835 --> 00:23:09,653 How many people here, by applause, are 40 or younger? 414 00:23:09,671 --> 00:23:11,038 40 or younger, applaud. 415 00:23:12,340 --> 00:23:16,827 That's every time. "whoo! Whoo!" every time. 416 00:23:16,845 --> 00:23:20,598 That is a weird thing to celebrate 417 00:23:20,632 --> 00:23:23,167 In a room where you're not the only people here. 418 00:23:23,185 --> 00:23:24,852 That's like going to a cancer ward-- 419 00:23:24,886 --> 00:23:26,937 "not me! Whoo! 420 00:23:26,972 --> 00:23:32,810 I don't have it! I don't have it!" 421 00:23:36,915 --> 00:23:40,034 If you're older, you're smarter. 422 00:23:40,068 --> 00:23:45,022 A 55-year-old garbage man is a million times smarter 423 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:49,026 Than a 28-year-old with three ph.D.S, 424 00:23:49,044 --> 00:23:51,829 Especially smarter than him, 'cause this idiot 425 00:23:51,863 --> 00:23:55,499 Has been thinking about three things for, like, 15 years. 426 00:23:55,533 --> 00:23:58,469 He's worthless. 427 00:23:58,503 --> 00:24:00,704 The garbage man is 55. 428 00:24:00,722 --> 00:24:03,808 He's had some experience. Things have happened to him. 429 00:24:03,842 --> 00:24:05,559 He went to cape cod one summer. 430 00:24:05,594 --> 00:24:08,879 He saw a dead guy floating in the motel pool. 431 00:24:12,767 --> 00:24:16,220 He took a bus to montreal. 432 00:24:20,275 --> 00:24:23,577 He got a hand job at a fair..