DC Showcase - Constantine: The House of Mystery

116 00:10:03,478 --> 00:10:05,063 [scratching] 117 00:10:21,329 --> 00:10:22,455 Stairs it is then . 118 00:10:48,565 --> 00:10:49,941 Okay, Mr. Lamp, 119 00:10:50,024 --> 00:10:53,653 how about we introduce you to Mr. Window! 120 00:10:53,736 --> 00:10:54,988 [glass shattering] 121 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:57,323 Cheeky. 122 00:11:10,336 --> 00:11:11,546 I'll have you now. 123 00:11:17,218 --> 00:11:18,511 Son of a bitch. 124 00:11:39,908 --> 00:11:43,786 Ill usion tricks, eh? I perfected that shite, mate. 125 00:11:52,212 --> 00:11:53,880 Let's see who's winding me up. 126 00:11:55,256 --> 00:11:56,966 Remember how you got here. 127 00:12:10,647 --> 00:12:13,233 Come back to bed , John . 128 00:12:13,316 --> 00:12:14,692 [screaming] 129 00:12:16,653 --> 00:12:19,280 So the manager asks, "What's the act called?" 130 00:12:19,572 --> 00:12:22,200 And the Dad says, "The Aristocrats. " 131 00:12:22,909 --> 00:12:24,702 [laughter] 132 00:12:25,703 --> 00:12:30,166 -That was truly disgusting . -And you secretly loved it. 133 00:12:31,459 --> 00:12:33,336 And where do you think you're going? 134 00:12:34,879 --> 00:12:35,713 The loo. 135 00:12:37,548 --> 00:12:38,925 One in , one out, you know? 136 00:13:00,989 --> 00:13:02,490 [knocking at door] 137 00:13:02,573 --> 00:13:03,908 [Ritchie] Um, fall in, Johnny? 138 00:13:04,200 --> 00:13:05,743 Out in a minute, wanker. 139 00:13:23,136 --> 00:13:24,679 This had better be worth it. 140 00:13:26,681 --> 00:13:28,599 Now remember how you got here. 141 00:13:35,940 --> 00:13:36,899 So that's it then . 142 00:13:38,693 --> 00:13:41,195 Lock me in The House of Mystery and throw away the key. 143 00:13:41,446 --> 00:13:44,365 You have no idea what you've set in motion . 144 00:13:45,074 --> 00:13:47,869 Changing the Earth's past has created not a ripple, 145 00:13:48,411 --> 00:13:50,288 but a tidal wave of disturbance. 146 00:13:50,955 --> 00:13:52,373 <i>So, my spell had worked.</i> 147 00:13:53,374 --> 00:13:56,502 <i>And Spectre, near-God wanker that he is,</i> 148 00:13:56,669 --> 00:13:59,839 <i>took it upon himself to rap my knuckles.</i> 149 00:14:00,548 --> 00:14:01,841 You will no longer be allowed 150 00:14:01,924 --> 00:14:04,677 to meddle with powers you do not comprehend . 151 00:14:05,011 --> 00:14:06,095 Wait, wait, wait. 152 00:14:06,387 --> 00:14:08,097 What now, human? 153 00:14:08,222 --> 00:14:10,308 I didn't know it was against the rules. 154 00:14:10,558 --> 00:14:11,559 No matter. 155 00:14:11,893 --> 00:14:14,145 What I'm saying is that others should understand 156 00:14:14,228 --> 00:14:17,106 the high price they'll pay if they do what I did . 157 00:14:19,734 --> 00:14:21,069 Announce my sentence. 158 00:14:21,944 --> 00:14:24,155 It'll be like putting out a warning cone 159 00:14:24,238 --> 00:14:27,158 on a dangerous street for us puny mortals. 160 00:14:31,245 --> 00:14:32,955 Joh n Constanti ne, 161 00:14:33,581 --> 00:14:36,376 for changing your planet's past and future, 162 00:14:36,584 --> 00:14:39,087 you are sentenced to spend eternity 163 00:14:39,587 --> 00:14:41,130 in The House of Mystery. 164 00:14:42,131 --> 00:14:45,635 <i>And, of course, I said something cheeky to piss him off.</i> 165 00:14:46,552 --> 00:14:48,805 If you ever give up this almost-God thing , 166 00:14:48,888 --> 00:14:50,890 you'd be a fantastic town-crier. 167 00:14:51,265 --> 00:14:53,142 You know, hear ye, hear ye! 168 00:14:56,521 --> 00:14:58,731 Your outfit sucks ! 169 00:15:03,945 --> 00:15:06,406 Where'd you learn to use the crapper? 170 00:15:06,614 --> 00:15:07,949 Bugger off. 171 00:15:08,366 --> 00:15:09,992 [snarling] 172 00:15:19,085 --> 00:15:20,211 [footsteps approaching] 173 00:15:22,338 --> 00:15:23,506 <i>After learning the truth,</i> 174 00:15:24,257 --> 00:15:27,427 <i>the memory wipe and confusion spells didn't work for long.</i> 175 00:15:28,886 --> 00:15:29,720 [grunts] 176 00:15:32,640 --> 00:15:34,100 <i>This led to me being murdered.</i> 177 00:15:34,183 --> 00:15:35,268 [groans] 178 00:15:35,768 --> 00:15:37,395 <i>You'd think that would have been the end of it?</i> 179 00:15:39,063 --> 00:15:39,897 <i>You'd be wrong.</i> 180 00:15:41,399 --> 00:15:44,777 <i>The Spectre 's vengeance spell kept resetting me back to square one.</i> 181 00:15:45,653 --> 00:15:49,240 <i>So I got to experience death at the hands of my friends,</i> 182 00:15:49,323 --> 00:15:53,619 <i>and loved ones over and over again.</i> 183 00:15:53,703 --> 00:15:55,621 [snarling] 184 00:16:03,212 --> 00:16:04,255 [grunting] 185 00:16:11,637 --> 00:16:12,638 [snarling] 186 00:16:12,722 --> 00:16:14,474 <i>Got to the point where the comical deaths</i> 187 00:16:14,557 --> 00:16:16,142 <i>were a nice change of pace.</i> 188 00:16:16,809 -->