The War with Grandpa

<i>'Cause all I've got is you</i> 630 00:30:25,825 --> 00:30:29,161 (VOICE WARPS) <i>I've gotta believe</i> 631 00:30:29,245 --> 00:30:32,206 <i>In something</i> 632 00:30:32,289 --> 00:30:33,374 <i>I've gotta believe...</i> 633 00:30:33,541 --> 00:30:34,709 (RECORD WINDS RAPIDLY) 634 00:30:48,014 --> 00:30:51,058 Okay. Okay. 635 00:31:11,829 --> 00:31:12,830 What the... 636 00:31:15,541 --> 00:31:17,293 What is this stuff? 637 00:31:20,171 --> 00:31:22,173 Fast-drying foam sealant. 638 00:31:22,840 --> 00:31:24,508 I'm gonna kill this kid. 639 00:31:25,634 --> 00:31:27,011 You don't mess with me, you little... 640 00:31:30,431 --> 00:31:31,599 You think you're cute? 641 00:31:31,682 --> 00:31:34,101 You've welcomed a world of pain, my friend. 642 00:31:34,393 --> 00:31:36,854 You'll be sorry. Mess with me, you little... 643 00:31:40,357 --> 00:31:42,401 Think you're cute? You're not cute! 644 00:31:43,402 --> 00:31:44,487 Ah! 645 00:31:46,363 --> 00:31:48,240 Oh! (MUFFLED SCREAM) 646 00:31:48,324 --> 00:31:50,242 (SCREAMS) (MUFFLED SCREAM) 647 00:31:50,367 --> 00:31:52,161 Oh! (MUFFLED SCREAM) 648 00:31:52,328 --> 00:31:53,662 Oh! 649 00:31:53,913 --> 00:31:55,831 This will never be spoken of. 650 00:31:55,915 --> 00:31:57,958 No idea what you're talking about. 651 00:32:01,879 --> 00:32:03,047 Oh! 652 00:32:03,506 --> 00:32:05,925 You're doing very well, Grandpa. 653 00:32:06,008 --> 00:32:07,009 Thank you, sweetheart. 654 00:32:07,093 --> 00:32:08,636 You're a very good teacher. 655 00:32:09,637 --> 00:32:11,388 Why is your face all red? 656 00:32:11,472 --> 00:32:12,890 I don't know. 657 00:32:13,641 --> 00:32:16,310 I may be allergic to something in this house. 658 00:32:17,436 --> 00:32:19,396 I'm off to shaving cream. 659 00:32:19,480 --> 00:32:21,273 I mean, school. 660 00:32:21,357 --> 00:32:24,235 Uh, Peter, is that your binder? 661 00:32:25,986 --> 00:32:27,404 Yeah. Thanks. 662 00:32:30,241 --> 00:32:32,076 Have a good day at school, kiddo. 663 00:32:32,159 --> 00:32:33,369 Love you. 664 00:32:34,787 --> 00:32:36,163 (SCHOOL BELL RINGING) 665 00:32:40,668 --> 00:32:41,710 Hey, Pete. 666 00:32:41,794 --> 00:32:43,838 How's your super unnecessary war going? 667 00:32:43,921 --> 00:32:46,549 Not good. I was up all night. 668 00:32:46,632 --> 00:32:47,758 Couldn't sleep at all. 669 00:32:48,050 --> 00:32:50,594 Diarrhea? What? No. 670 00:32:51,387 --> 00:32:52,513 My grandpa. 671 00:32:52,596 --> 00:32:53,806 Your grandpa had diarrhea? 672 00:32:53,889 --> 00:32:56,475 No. There's no diarrhea in this story. 673 00:32:57,059 --> 00:32:58,144 Oh. 674 00:32:58,644 --> 00:33:00,604 I did what you said yesterday, 675 00:33:00,688 --> 00:33:02,523 and I hit him good multiple times. 676 00:33:02,606 --> 00:33:04,733 I even put hot sauce in his coffee this morning. 677 00:33:05,359 --> 00:33:06,652 <i>So far, nothing.</i> 678 00:33:13,033 --> 00:33:14,285 (GASPS) 679 00:33:19,915 --> 00:33:22,168 Dude, your grandfather's using psyops. 680 00:33:22,251 --> 00:33:24,128 Psychological warfare. 681 00:33:24,211 --> 00:33:26,881 Or maybe he's just being an adult. 682 00:33:26,964 --> 00:33:30,342 Peter, if you're done talking, maybe you'd like to read us 683 00:33:30,426 --> 00:33:32,678 your report on what you did over your summer vacation? 684 00:33:32,761 --> 00:33:34,096 Yeah. Sure. 685 00:33:37,099 --> 00:33:39,351 "My Summer Vacation" by Peter Decker. 686 00:33:39,435 --> 00:33:42,021 "This summer was one of the best summer breaks I've ever had. 687 00:33:42,104 --> 00:33:44,148 "I rode my bike a lot and stopped showering 688 00:33:44,231 --> 00:33:46,483 "until I smelled like a monkey's butt." 689 00:33:46,859 --> 00:33:49,069 (STUDENTS LAUGHING) 690 00:33:49,570 --> 00:33:51,697 Keep reading, Peter. Go on. 691 00:33:51,780 --> 00:33:53,699 I don't want to. This isn't my... Read. 692 00:33:56,577 --> 00:33:59,205 "During my vacation, 693 00:33:59,288 --> 00:34:02,416 "I figured out how to freeze my own farts in a baggie." 694 00:34:03,751 --> 00:34:05,336 (LAUGHTER) 695 00:34:05,419 --> 00:34:06,795 I didn't write this! 696 00:34:06,879 --> 00:34:08,005 Have a seat. 697 00:34:08,172 --> 00:34:10,007 And see me after class. 698 00:34:15,387 --> 00:34:16,430 Psyops. 699 00:34:34,073 --> 00:34:35,115 Amateur. 700 00:34:44,166 --> 00:34:45,876 (DRILL WHIRRING) 701 00:34:52,383 --> 00:34:53,926 (EXCLAIMS) 702 00:34:55,010 --> 00:34:56,637 What's going on here? 703 00:34:56,720 --> 00:34:59,223 (STUTTERS) Nothing. Nothing. We were just, um... 704 00:34:59,348 --> 00:35:02,059 I was just dropping off some vocabulary drills. Uh-huh. 705 00:35:02,142 --> 00:35:04,103 Really? Vocabulary. 706 00:35:04,728 --> 00:35:06,397 Russell, go. 707 00:35:...