Bill Hicks: Relentless

you looking around in the world in which we live and� 208 00:19:54,054 --> 00:19:57,752 �shut your fucking mouth! Ha, ha, ha, ha!!! 209 00:19:59,751 --> 00:20:02,749 �I doubt it. 210 00:20:06,747 --> 00:20:11,045 How many, ah oh, oh, oh, quickly, how many non-smokers are here tonight, non-smokers, by round of applause, 211 00:20:11,745 --> 00:20:14,743 lets hear it non-smokers� 212 00:20:19,740 --> 00:20:21,739 �Good. 213 00:20:24,737 --> 00:20:28,735 Cause I have something I wanna tell you 'n I'm glad you all conglomerated here tonight. 214 00:20:30,034 --> 00:20:33,733 Saved me some breath �which is obviously very short. 215 00:20:35,731 --> 00:20:38,879 I love, I'm gonna tell you non-smokers something right now that I know for a fact 216 00:20:38,880 --> 00:20:42,027 you don't know and I delight in telling my brothers things they don't know, 217 00:20:43,027 --> 00:20:45,725 particularly when they're true, which this is. Ready? 218 00:20:48,723 --> 00:20:53,721 Non-smokers. Ready? Drum-roll�Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr� 219 00:20:55,720 --> 00:21:01,717 Non-smokers die every day. Ha, ha, ha�. 220 00:21:04,714 --> 00:21:07,014 Sleep tight. 221 00:21:12,011 --> 00:21:18,707 You see, I know you entertain some type of eternal life fantasy, 222 00:21:19,707 --> 00:21:25,704 ...because you've chosen not to smoke. That may be the first to PHOOF!, pop that fucking bubble... 223 00:21:26,702 --> 00:21:31,700 and send you hurling back to reality... you're dead too. 224 00:21:33,699 --> 00:21:37,697 And you know what doctors say: "Shit, if only you smoked, we'd have the technology to help you, ha, ha." 225 00:21:39,696 --> 00:21:42,693 It's you people dying from nothing, that are screwed. 226 00:21:43,993 --> 00:21:50,689 I've got all sorts of neat shit waiting for me: oxygen lung, tents, just like going to 'Sharper Image' when I die. 227 00:21:56,686 --> 00:22:00,684 Yeah�people say the stupidest things to you: "Hey, quit smoking, you'll get your sense of smell back." 228 00:22:02,683 --> 00:22:05,681 "I live in New York City, I don't want my sense of smell." 229 00:22:06,981 --> 00:22:09,679 "Is that urine?" 230 00:22:10,679 --> 00:22:13,677 "I think I smell a dead fellow" 231 00:22:21,672 --> 00:22:22,921 Anyone remember this? This is pretty weird? 232 00:22:23,565 --> 00:22:27,669 Anyone remember when Yul Brynner died, they came out with that commercial after he was dead? 233 00:22:28,670 --> 00:22:32,667 You remember that? "I'm Yul Brynner and I'm dead now." 234 00:22:33,666 --> 00:22:36,665 "What the fuck's this guy showing?" 235 00:22:39,963 --> 00:22:43,960 "I'm Yul Brynner 'n I'm dead now, 'cause I smoked cigarettes." 236 00:22:45,659 --> 00:22:48,658 Pretty scary, but they could had done that with anybody man. 237 00:22:49,657 --> 00:22:56,653 A guy in the States, this guy Jim Ficks, was a health nut, runner, jogger, wrote books about jogging, had a heart-attack� 238 00:22:56,954 --> 00:23:01,650 �while jogging and died, ha, ha, ha� 239 00:23:03,950 --> 00:23:06,649 They should have done that commercial with that guy; 240 00:23:07,647 --> 00:23:09,646 "I'm Jim Ficks and I'm dead now� 241 00:23:11,645 --> 00:23:13,644 �'n I don't know what the fuck happened! 242 00:23:14,644 --> 00:23:22,640 I jogged everyday, ate nothing but tofu, I'm dead. Yul Brynner smoked, drunk and got laid every night of his life, he's dead� 243 00:23:24,638 --> 00:23:27,636 �Shit! 244 00:23:31,935 --> 00:23:37,630 Yul Brynner smoking, drinking, girls are sitting on his cue ball noggin every night of his life!" 245 00:23:42,628 --> 00:23:44,627 But I know what you non-smokers are thinking right now; 246 00:23:45,626 --> 00:23:50,623 "That's real cute Bill, that's real cute. That's a cute little smoking thing you just did. 247 00:23:51,623 --> 00:23:55,621 And we want you to keep doing in son while you still have THE BREATH LEFT IN YOU TO DO IT!" 248 00:23:58,919 --> 00:24:03,616 That is my big fear in life; doing smoking jokes in my act you know and then showing up 5 years from now; 249 00:24:04,616 --> 00:24:06,614 "Good evening everybody. 250 00:24:11,912 --> 00:24:13,911 Remember me? 251 00:24:15,909 --> 00:24:23,605 I was wrong. Smoking is real fucking bad for you. No joke!" 252 00:24:38,597 --> 00:24:43,594 Yeah� I've seen people do that, you ever seen anyone do that? Is that the spookiest fucking thing you've ever seen? 253 00:24:44,593 --> 00:24:45,593 Ever seen that, isn't it unbelievable? 254 00:24:46,593 --> 00:24:51,590 If you're smoking out of a hole in your fucking neck� 255 00:24:53,888 --> 00:24:56,886 I'd think about quitting. 256 00:24:58,586 --> 00:25:01,584 When you're into that point, chew some gum or something, I'm not, 257 00:25:02,883 --> 00:25:06,581 not telling you how to live, I'm recommending; use your options. 258 00:25:07,581 -->