Kevin Hart: I'm a Grown Little Man

AND EVERYTHING. 670 00:21:07,165 --> 00:21:09,034 SERIOUS ABOUT MY SINGING CAREER. 671 00:21:09,101 --> 00:21:10,135 HAD TO STOP WORKING OUT. 672 00:21:10,202 --> 00:21:11,837 SOME NAKED GUY TRIED TO TALK TO ME IN THE GYM. 673 00:21:11,903 --> 00:21:13,639 I AIN'T LIKE THAT. 674 00:21:13,705 --> 00:21:15,407 HE WAS ASS-NAKED, TRYING TO HAVE A CONVERSATION 675 00:21:15,474 --> 00:21:17,075 WITH ME WHILE I WAS AT MY LOCKER. 676 00:21:17,142 --> 00:21:18,844 I'M GETTING MY STUFF OUT OF MY LOCKER. 677 00:21:18,910 --> 00:21:20,012 HE CAME UP TO ME, HE'S LIKE, 678 00:21:20,078 --> 00:21:21,246 "HEY MAN, SO HOW LONG YOU BEEN A MEMBER?" 679 00:21:21,313 --> 00:21:22,381 AND I WAS LIKE, "WHY IS YOUR DICK HARD? 680 00:21:22,447 --> 00:21:24,016 "WHAT KIND OF GYM IS THIS? 681 00:21:24,082 --> 00:21:26,118 WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN, MAN?" 682 00:21:26,184 --> 00:21:27,286 I GOT A LITTLE BUTT. 683 00:21:27,352 --> 00:21:28,820 THAT'S THE FIRST THING I THINK ABOUT. 684 00:21:28,887 --> 00:21:30,055 I DIDN'T HAVE MY WHISTLE. 685 00:21:30,122 --> 00:21:31,323 IF I HAD MY WHISTLE, I WOULD HAVE FELT BETTER. 686 00:21:31,390 --> 00:21:32,391 [laughter] 687 00:21:32,457 --> 00:21:33,692 I DIDN'T WANT TO ASK FOR A HUG, 688 00:21:33,759 --> 00:21:35,093 'CAUSE HE WAS HARD. 689 00:21:35,160 --> 00:21:36,895 I DON'T WANT THAT SHIT POKING ME IN THE BELLY BUTTON. 690 00:21:36,962 --> 00:21:39,331 THAT'S KIND OF LIKE INTERCOURSE A LITTLE BIT. 691 00:21:39,398 --> 00:21:41,566 I DIDN'T WANT TO FEEL THAT. 692 00:21:41,633 --> 00:21:43,035 I MIGHT HAVE BEEN GAY. 693 00:21:43,101 --> 00:21:45,804 YOU PUT IT IN MY BELLY BUTTON AND I'M GAY. 694 00:21:45,871 --> 00:21:46,638 "YOU GAY?" 695 00:21:46,705 --> 00:21:47,539 "YEAH, HE PUT IT IN MY BELLY BUTTON. 696 00:21:47,606 --> 00:21:48,874 THAT'S GOTTA BE GAY." 697 00:21:48,940 --> 00:21:52,110 [laughter] 698 00:21:52,177 --> 00:21:53,045 I'M SERIOUS. 699 00:21:54,079 --> 00:21:54,980 I'M JUST TELLING Y'ALL THE STUFF THAT I KNOW. 700 00:21:55,047 --> 00:21:56,014 THESE ARE THINGS THAT I'VE BEEN THROUGH, MAN. 701 00:21:56,081 --> 00:21:57,983 I REALLY WAS SERIOUS ABOUT WORKING OUT. 702 00:21:58,050 --> 00:21:59,084 YOU HONESTLY WANT TO KNOW WHY I STOPPED 703 00:21:59,151 --> 00:22:00,152 GOING TO THE GYM, THOUGH? 704 00:22:00,218 --> 00:22:01,520 I SAW ONE OF THEM REAL STRONG GUYS. 705 00:22:01,586 --> 00:22:03,221 YOU EVER SEE THEM REAL BIG DUDES? 706 00:22:03,288 --> 00:22:05,057 REAL HUGE, YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 707 00:22:05,123 --> 00:22:07,359 NO NECK. JUST BE IN THE GYM WORKIN' OUT? 708 00:22:07,426 --> 00:22:08,994 I SAW HIM ONE DAY, AND I JUST GOT MAD. 709 00:22:09,061 --> 00:22:10,262 I WAS LIKE "DUDE, WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? 710 00:22:10,329 --> 00:22:11,763 "THAT'S IT, YOU WON! 711 00:22:11,830 --> 00:22:13,799 "YOU GOT 'EM ALL. 712 00:22:13,865 --> 00:22:15,233 WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?" 713 00:22:15,300 --> 00:22:17,636 LIKE, Y'ALL DON'T UNDERSTAND HOW MAD THAT MAKES ME 714 00:22:17,703 --> 00:22:20,572 WHEN YOU'RE THAT BIG FOR NO REASON. 715 00:22:20,639 --> 00:22:22,841 LIKE, IF YOU GONNA GET THAT BIG, THERE'S GOTTA BE A REASON. 716 00:22:22,908 --> 00:22:24,276 YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING? 717 00:22:24,343 --> 00:22:25,577 LIKE, WHEN I ASK YOU WHY YOU'RE WORKING OUT, 718 00:22:25,644 --> 00:22:27,446 YOU SHOULD TELL ME "I'M TRAINING FOR THE OLYMPICS. 719 00:22:27,512 --> 00:22:29,748 I'M ABOUT TO ENTER THE STRONGMAN COMPETITION." 720 00:22:29,815 --> 00:22:30,916 SOMETHING! 721 00:22:30,982 --> 00:22:32,317 THERE'S GOT TO BE A FUCKING REASON! 722 00:22:32,384 --> 00:22:34,720 BUT WHEN YOU'RE THAT BIG, AND YOU WORK FOR T-MOBILE, 723 00:22:34,786 --> 00:22:35,987 AND YOU ANSWER THE PHONES... 724 00:22:36,054 --> 00:22:37,022 [laughter] 725 00:22:37,089 --> 00:22:38,557 YOU STRONG AS SHIT, 726 00:22:38,623 --> 00:22:40,425 AND YOU CAN'T EVEN HANDLE THE HEADSET. 727 00:22:40,492 --> 00:22:42,994 [speaking indistinctly] 728 00:22:43,061 --> 00:22:43,995 "HELLO? 729 00:22:44,863 --> 00:22:46,398 THANK YOU FOR CALLING-- HELLO?" 730 00:22:46,465 --> 00:22:47,399 [laughter] 731 00:22:47,466 --> 00:22:48,934 [screams indistinctly] 732 00:22:49,000 --> 00:22:52,070 [laughter] 733 00:22:52,137 --> 00:22:54,406 YOU START MOVING SHIT AROUND THE OFFICE 'CAUSE YOU'RE SO-- 734 00:22:54,473 --> 00:22:57,175 [screams] 735 00:22:57,242 --> 00:22:59,578 "THANK YOU FOR CALLING T-MOBILE." 736 00:22:59,644 --> 00:23:03,582 SIT YOUR STRONG, UNPRODUCTIVE ASS DOWN, MAN. 737 00:23:03,648 --> 00:23:05,484 STRONG AS SHIT WITH A HEADSET. 738 00:23:05,550 --> 00:23:07,719 THEY DONE WENT THROUGH 37 HEADSETS THIS MONTH... 739 00:23:07,786 --> 00:23:09,254 [laughter] 740 00:23:09,321 --> 00:23:10,655 'CAUSE YOU'RE HAND'S TOO FUCKING STRONG FOR... 741 00:23:10,722 --> 00:23:12,023 [groans] 742 00:23:12,090 --> 00:23:13,959 "BOSS, ANOTHER ONE. 743 00:23:14,025 --> 00:23:16,962 [laughter] 744 00:23:17,028 --> 00:23:18,630 "THAT'S FIVE TODAY, BOSS. 745 00:23:18,697 --> 00:23:21,666 TAKE 'EM OUT MY CHECK." 746 00:23:22,