Eddie Murphy: Delirious

479 00:25:53,567 --> 00:25:55,868 [whistling theme] 480 00:26:00,200 --> 00:26:03,133 Bad! Accurate! 481 00:26:03,267 --> 00:26:05,033 You'd be in a supermarket and be grabbin' 482 00:26:05,167 --> 00:26:06,534 cereal off the counter, going, 483 00:26:06,667 --> 00:26:07,701 "Ma, can we get this?" She'll say-- 484 00:26:07,834 --> 00:26:09,234 [mimicking pistol and gunshot] 485 00:26:09,367 --> 00:26:11,634 "I guess not." 486 00:26:11,767 --> 00:26:14,734 And can be doing three different things, be on the phone with my grandmother, 487 00:26:14,868 --> 00:26:17,033 be cooking with this hand, have the phone like this and be saying, 488 00:26:17,167 --> 00:26:19,200 "Yeah, Mama, hold on a second." 489 00:26:19,334 --> 00:26:21,033 Bad! 490 00:26:22,133 --> 00:26:24,534 Fuck you up. And God forbid my mother be dressed up 491 00:26:24,667 --> 00:26:27,801 and have them high heels on, them pumps. 492 00:26:27,934 --> 00:26:30,734 Then she get boomerang action goin' on your ass. 493 00:26:30,868 --> 00:26:34,267 And fuck you up in the room. You won't even know what the fuck happened. 494 00:26:34,400 --> 00:26:36,100 They can hear you when they're getting ready to walk out the door. 495 00:26:36,234 --> 00:26:38,400 Hear on you the bunk beds fucking around. They got that mother hearing. 496 00:26:38,534 --> 00:26:40,634 They hear that, they say, "Wait a minute, baby." 497 00:26:44,400 --> 00:26:46,434 [mimicking sonar] 498 00:26:49,501 --> 00:26:51,133 [making whooshing sound] 499 00:26:51,267 --> 00:26:52,534 [mimicking impact] Aah! 500 00:26:53,400 --> 00:26:54,734 "Let's go." 501 00:26:54,868 --> 00:26:56,534 [loud cheering, applause] 502 00:26:58,767 --> 00:27:01,067 [chuckling] 503 00:27:07,567 --> 00:27:11,200 She was the one that did all the disciplining around the house. 504 00:27:11,334 --> 00:27:12,968 My mom would fuck us up. 505 00:27:13,100 --> 00:27:14,834 Very, very strict house I came from. 506 00:27:14,968 --> 00:27:17,133 And I remember when I first went to, um... 507 00:27:17,267 --> 00:27:20,567 My first contact with a white family freaked me out and shit. 508 00:27:20,701 --> 00:27:23,334 I used to-- I went to Fresh Air Fund. Ever go to that? 509 00:27:23,467 --> 00:27:24,834 Where they take a kid from the city 510 00:27:24,968 --> 00:27:28,400 and send him to the country and fuck his mind up and shit. 511 00:27:28,534 --> 00:27:31,868 I went there and found out some white kids can curse around the house. 512 00:27:32,000 --> 00:27:34,300 That fucked me up when I was little. I couldn't believe that-- 513 00:27:34,434 --> 00:27:36,167 'Cause I couldn't even say "dag" around my house. 514 00:27:36,300 --> 00:27:38,868 My father said, "That sounds too much like damn." 515 00:27:39,000 --> 00:27:41,334 I get in trouble for sayin' shit the wrong way around my house. 516 00:27:41,467 --> 00:27:42,601 I was in a house with Tom Kildare. 517 00:27:42,734 --> 00:27:44,334 His mother said, "Tom, you're a little late." 518 00:27:44,467 --> 00:27:47,400 He said, "Come on, Mom, shit! I'm movin' as fast as I can. Shit! 519 00:27:47,534 --> 00:27:49,434 Come on!" 520 00:27:49,567 --> 00:27:51,033 And I was standing there like this... 521 00:27:51,167 --> 00:27:54,868 [laughter, applause] 522 00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:57,968 I thought, "If I tried to pull some shit like that in my house..." 523 00:27:58,100 --> 00:27:59,167 "Ed, you're a little late." 524 00:27:59,300 --> 00:28:01,701 "Come on, Pop, shit! What is this? Come on! Damn!" 525 00:28:01,834 --> 00:28:03,267 My pops would just go... 526 00:28:03,400 --> 00:28:05,200 [laughter] 527 00:28:08,000 --> 00:28:09,567 [mimicking gunshot] 528 00:28:14,133 --> 00:28:16,267 "That motherfucker's crazy." 529 00:28:17,467 --> 00:28:18,968 Pops didn't play, man. 530 00:28:19,100 --> 00:28:21,667 He didn't play when it came with the kids. 531 00:28:21,801 --> 00:28:24,901 He didn't fuck with my mother, though. My mother would fuck him up. 532 00:28:25,033 --> 00:28:27,000 My mom's one of them sisters you don't hit. 533 00:28:27,133 --> 00:28:28,334 You can't hit sisters, period. 534 00:28:28,467 --> 00:28:31,601 Remember in the old days when you could beat up a woman? 535 00:28:31,734 --> 00:28:33,100 Remember that shit back in the '20s? 536 00:28:33,234 --> 00:28:34,534 Guys would just smack their wives in the movies. They go-- 537 00:28:34,667 --> 00:28:35,667 [mimics slap] And they'll just go-- 538 00:28:35,801 --> 00:28:36,934 "Oh..." 539 00:28:38,033 --> 00:28:39,968 You can't do shit like that no more. 540 00:28:40,100 --> 00:28:42,968 Women be takin' aerobics. They'll fuck you up now. 541 00:28:43,100 --> 00:28:45,200 [laughter, applause] 542 00:28:49,067 --> 00:28:51,868 It's scary, too, man, especially a black woman. 543 00:28:52,000