The Trip to Italy

to do nothing with her. 996 00:38:12,792 --> 00:38:14,209 You'll be able to do absolutely nothing with her, 997 00:38:14,210 --> 00:38:15,543 'cause only your mind you'll be like. 998 00:38:15,544 --> 00:38:16,753 The Diving Bell and the Butterfly, 999 00:38:16,754 --> 00:38:18,379 and your mind will still be as active as it is now. 1000 00:38:18,380 --> 00:38:20,215 I'll still be able to sort of clasp her hand 1001 00:38:20,216 --> 00:38:21,549 as she walks away. 1002 00:38:21,550 --> 00:38:23,092 No, there'll be no groping at all, 1003 00:38:23,093 --> 00:38:25,220 and that will absolutely kill you from the inside, 1004 00:38:25,221 --> 00:38:27,430 because she'll lean over you, knowing, 1005 00:38:27,431 --> 00:38:29,432 and she'll taunt you with her breasts. 1006 00:38:29,433 --> 00:38:31,184 And there'll be nothing you can do. 1007 00:38:31,185 --> 00:38:33,102 And I'd love to be there. I would love to be there. 1008 00:38:33,103 --> 00:38:34,646 I don't know what films you've been watching. 1009 00:38:34,647 --> 00:38:36,606 Do you know what I do? I read for Steve. 1010 00:38:36,607 --> 00:38:38,024 You heard what Rob Brydon does for Steve? 1011 00:38:38,025 --> 00:38:39,734 Steve is more or less a vegetable, 1012 00:38:39,735 --> 00:38:41,236 but Rob goes every day and reads. 1013 00:38:41,237 --> 00:38:43,655 And the only reason I do it is to be there, 1014 00:38:43,656 --> 00:38:47,534 watching you unable to reach out to your Filipino nurse, 1015 00:38:47,535 --> 00:38:49,829 knowing how much it's hurting you. 1016 00:38:53,332 --> 00:38:55,042 All right, just a quick one. 1017 00:38:57,127 --> 00:38:58,837 Look at that hair. 1018 00:38:58,838 --> 00:39:01,465 George Michael in the Careless Whisper video. 1019 00:39:02,842 --> 00:39:04,260 Why do we have to do this? 1020 00:39:06,262 --> 00:39:07,763 A picture is worth 1,000 words. 1021 00:39:11,100 --> 00:39:12,684 The sign says go the other way. 1022 00:39:12,685 --> 00:39:14,227 Yeah, but the sat nav said go this way. 1023 00:39:14,228 --> 00:39:15,311 Well, I think the signs were right, 1024 00:39:15,312 --> 00:39:16,897 and I'm the navigator. 1025 00:39:18,941 --> 00:39:20,984 It would help if we got over 4O miles an hour. 1026 00:39:20,985 --> 00:39:22,694 All right. 1027 00:39:22,695 --> 00:39:24,445 See how I changed down, then? Yeah. 1028 00:39:24,446 --> 00:39:25,864 I love the crunch sound 1029 00:39:25,865 --> 00:39:28,284 that you made when you did it as well. 1030 00:39:29,285 --> 00:39:30,493 I'm hungry, so let's just stop 1031 00:39:30,494 --> 00:39:33,289 at the first place we come to. 1032 00:39:36,041 --> 00:39:37,167 Care to explain this? 1033 00:39:38,794 --> 00:39:40,795 Oi, here. 1034 00:39:40,796 --> 00:39:43,298 What are you doing with Casanova's autobiography 1035 00:39:43,299 --> 00:39:45,091 in your sandwich box? 1036 00:39:45,092 --> 00:39:46,968 It's just research. That's all. 1037 00:39:46,969 --> 00:39:49,888 Just gonna plump up the articles with a bit of, um 1038 00:39:49,889 --> 00:39:51,848 bit of culture, you know. 1039 00:39:51,849 --> 00:39:53,850 The, um this is just extracts. 1040 00:39:53,851 --> 00:39:56,185 The full thing is 800 pages. 1041 00:39:56,186 --> 00:39:57,270 How long was your book, 1042 00:39:57,271 --> 00:39:58,605 your autobiography? 1043 00:39:58,606 --> 00:40:00,106 I can't remember. 1044 00:40:00,107 --> 00:40:01,858 300? 200-and-something? 300? 1045 00:40:01,859 --> 00:40:03,067 200 of that has got to have been padding. 1046 00:40:03,068 --> 00:40:04,110 There's not much padding. 1047 00:40:04,111 --> 00:40:05,612 I'll be very honest with you. Have you read it? 1048 00:40:05,613 --> 00:40:06,779 No, of course not. No. 1049 00:40:06,780 --> 00:40:09,115 I mean, I've skimmed the index in WHSmith's, 1050 00:40:09,116 --> 00:40:11,118 saved myself the £1.99. 1051 00:40:14,330 --> 00:40:15,371 Ah. 1052 00:40:15,372 --> 00:40:16,748 Ravioli. 1053 00:40:16,749 --> 00:40:17,749 I see. Pasta. 1054 00:40:17,750 --> 00:40:18,750 Grazie mille. 1055 00:40:18,751 --> 00:40:20,168 You know we're not that far from the hotel. 1056 00:40:20,169 --> 00:40:21,544 You know that, don't you? About 10 miles. 1057 00:40:21,545 --> 00:40:22,754 I know. 1058 00:40:22,755 --> 00:40:24,130 Because I checked a thing called a map. 1059 00:40:24,131 --> 00:40:26,007 It's what they used to use in the olden days, Rob. 1060 00:40:26,008 --> 00:40:27,634 Fine, so when we get to the hotel, 1061 00:40:27,635 --> 00:40:28,843 we'll enjoy the hotel. 1062 00:40:28,844 --> 00:40:29,844 Yeah, I know. 1063 00:40:29,845 --> 00:40:31,054 We could have been eating there now. 1064 00:40:31,055 --> 00:40:32,639 This is good. What's wrong with this? 1065 00:40:32,640 --> 00:40:33,848 Noth