The Mating Habits of the Earthbound Human

on their partner. 438 00:27:59,847 --> 00:28:03,225 Many experts cite this as the most beautiful part... 439 00:28:03,267 --> 00:28:05,686 of the human mating ritual-- 440 00:28:05,770 --> 00:28:08,606 other than the copulation. 441 00:28:08,689 --> 00:28:11,067 My little brother was born blind... 442 00:28:11,150 --> 00:28:14,570 so when I first got into computers... 443 00:28:14,612 --> 00:28:18,783 he'd come hang out with me and ask me questions about it. 444 00:28:18,866 --> 00:28:20,659 He was so into it. 445 00:28:22,203 --> 00:28:24,246 It made me want to cry. 446 00:28:25,831 --> 00:28:28,584 So, where I work now... 447 00:28:28,626 --> 00:28:32,755 we're trying to create this special monitor for blind people. 448 00:28:32,797 --> 00:28:37,385 But, I mean, we're years away from getting it-- 449 00:28:37,468 --> 00:28:39,762 if it's even possible. 450 00:28:42,306 --> 00:28:44,767 You'll get it. 451 00:28:55,986 --> 00:28:59,448 I worked my butt off to get through school. 452 00:28:59,490 --> 00:29:01,742 I held every shitty job There was. 453 00:29:01,826 --> 00:29:06,288 But I knew that if you're not a professional, then you're nothing. 454 00:29:06,372 --> 00:29:11,460 So there I was, making a decent living at a big firm... 455 00:29:11,544 --> 00:29:14,005 but... 456 00:29:14,088 --> 00:29:18,134 I was still getting pushed around by assholes. 457 00:29:18,217 --> 00:29:22,638 So one day, about seven, eight months ago... 458 00:29:22,680 --> 00:29:25,808 my friend Jimmy and I decided to start our own firm. 459 00:29:25,891 --> 00:29:30,438 We pooled everything we had. We moved in together to save on rent. 460 00:29:30,521 --> 00:29:33,315 We got a "fancy-schmancy" office in Century City... 461 00:29:33,399 --> 00:29:36,819 and Waterson-Connors was born. 462 00:29:36,861 --> 00:29:39,321 That took a lot of guts. 463 00:29:39,363 --> 00:29:41,490 It's horrible. 464 00:29:41,574 --> 00:29:45,077 If we don't get any more clients soon, we're gonna have to go crawling back. 465 00:29:46,746 --> 00:29:48,873 That'll take a lot of guts too. 466 00:29:53,294 --> 00:29:55,338 Whoa. 467 00:29:57,298 --> 00:29:59,216 So, what are your parents like? 468 00:29:59,300 --> 00:30:02,845 My parents? Oh, they're great. 469 00:30:02,928 --> 00:30:04,930 That's one place where I got real lucky. 470 00:30:05,014 --> 00:30:07,850 You know, typical Leave It to Beaver kind of deal. 471 00:30:07,933 --> 00:30:10,269 Just thinking about them makes me happy. 472 00:30:13,606 --> 00:30:16,859 What the hell you doin' inside? It's a beautiful day! 473 00:30:16,901 --> 00:30:19,028 My father was A soft-spoken man. 474 00:30:19,070 --> 00:30:22,531 And look at this room! It's spotless! 475 00:30:22,573 --> 00:30:25,159 What kind of kid Are you, anyway? 476 00:30:25,242 --> 00:30:28,204 - But he always had a kind word for me. - Be a kid, goddamn it! 477 00:30:28,245 --> 00:30:32,333 - Have some fun! - Always urging me to enjoy life. 478 00:30:34,418 --> 00:30:36,379 Like that! 479 00:30:36,462 --> 00:30:40,049 And he taught me the things he knew most about--real man stuff. 480 00:30:40,132 --> 00:30:42,385 But still, he was never afraid to get a little mushy. 481 00:30:44,595 --> 00:30:46,722 And I love you. 482 00:30:50,267 --> 00:30:52,520 It was a magical time for me. 483 00:30:54,689 --> 00:30:57,900 And my mother? Mom was the queen of style and fashion. 484 00:30:57,983 --> 00:31:00,569 Was your father in here? 485 00:31:01,696 --> 00:31:03,948 Well, don't worry about him. 486 00:31:04,031 --> 00:31:07,785 But she always had that mother smell, you know? 487 00:31:07,868 --> 00:31:11,372 Chicken soup and floor wax. 488 00:31:11,455 --> 00:31:15,626 You're Mama's good little boy. 489 00:31:15,710 --> 00:31:17,878 Mama loves you. 490 00:31:17,962 --> 00:31:20,047 Yes, she does. 491 00:31:20,131 --> 00:31:24,260 Mommy loves you... 492 00:31:24,343 --> 00:31:26,929 loves you, loves you. 493 00:31:26,971 --> 00:31:29,890 She loves you. 494 00:31:29,974 --> 00:31:31,934 Dad! 495 00:31:32,018 --> 00:31:34,770 Yeah, I was real lucky. 496 00:31:35,980 --> 00:31:37,940 The male's task... 497 00:31:38,024 --> 00:31:40,985 is to determine if the female is ready. 498 00:31:41,027 --> 00:31:45,072 Moving too soon or too late May result in disaster. 499 00:31:45,156 --> 00:31:48,909 But the human female emits no odor to let him know. 500 00:31:50,995 --> 00:31:53,622 - What? - Oh-- 501 00:31:55,750 --> 00:31:57,752 What were your parents like? 502 00:31:58,586 --> 00:32:00,921 They're great. 503 00:32:01,005 --> 00:32:03,299 The female is ready. 504 00:32:03,382 --> 00:32:06,594 But she must wait for the male to figure this out on his own. 505 00:32:06,677 --> 00:32:08,637 She can emit no odor to help