Jeff Dunham: Arguing with Myself

00:26:03,740 --> 00:26:07,800 Dear Walter, time and time again I have filled out this sheet six times. 436 00:26:08,080 --> 00:26:09,560 You never answer my question. 437 00:26:10,000 --> 00:26:11,000 What gives? 438 00:26:11,780 --> 00:26:12,980 Let's skip that one. 439 00:26:23,220 --> 00:26:24,520 This is from Chris. 440 00:26:24,600 --> 00:26:25,080 It's Chris. 441 00:26:25,320 --> 00:26:26,380 It's a girl, Chris. 442 00:26:26,700 --> 00:26:27,800 Dear Walter, you read this. 443 00:26:28,160 --> 00:26:31,572 Dear Walter, after nine and a half years, my 444 00:26:31,573 --> 00:26:35,301 boyfriend still hasn't popped the question. 445 00:26:35,400 --> 00:26:36,760 Let's just poop the question. 446 00:26:42,220 --> 00:26:44,560 Chris, you need to learn to style, I think. 447 00:26:45,980 --> 00:26:47,800 How the hell do you poop, the question? 448 00:26:50,260 --> 00:26:52,940 I guess you should listen from the other end. 449 00:27:00,690 --> 00:27:03,370 Dear Walter, why don't chicken breasts have nipples? 450 00:27:10,130 --> 00:27:11,130 What? 451 00:27:12,710 --> 00:27:16,190 I guess because if they got too cold, they poke a hole in the package. 452 00:27:27,150 --> 00:27:29,090 New from the Colonel, chicken and tits. 453 00:27:37,250 --> 00:27:42,410 Oh, he has a sex blow-up doll. 454 00:27:43,430 --> 00:27:44,050 No, I don't. 455 00:27:44,130 --> 00:27:44,550 Yes, he does. 456 00:27:44,670 --> 00:27:45,110 No, yeah. 457 00:27:45,290 --> 00:27:47,630 And the sick part is he makes her talk. 458 00:27:52,620 --> 00:27:54,380 And boy, does she lie. 459 00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:55,840 Will you stop it? 460 00:28:01,520 --> 00:28:02,520 Dirt. 461 00:28:04,180 --> 00:28:05,620 And we were happy. 462 00:28:07,780 --> 00:28:09,360 Kids nowadays, they had too much. 463 00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:12,880 They got the internet, they got video games, computer crap. 464 00:28:13,260 --> 00:28:15,840 Hell, they're even passing out condoms in high schools. 465 00:28:15,900 --> 00:28:16,560 Did you know that? 466 00:28:16,680 --> 00:28:17,680 Yeah, good God. 467 00:28:18,400 --> 00:28:22,140 When I was that age, we had to walk five miles to get a condom. 468 00:28:24,520 --> 00:28:25,520 Uphill. 469 00:28:25,940 --> 00:28:27,180 In the snow. 470 00:28:28,320 --> 00:28:29,500 With a boner. 471 00:28:29,700 --> 00:28:30,700 Oh, stop! 472 00:28:41,240 --> 00:28:44,256 All right, I threw this one away because I thought it was kind of over the line, 473 00:28:44,280 --> 00:28:46,080 but I think we've crossed that a couple times. 474 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:47,480 You read it. 475 00:28:47,560 --> 00:28:47,740 Why? 476 00:28:47,880 --> 00:28:48,500 I just can't. 477 00:28:48,540 --> 00:28:48,920 You read it. 478 00:28:49,040 --> 00:28:50,040 Oh, I don't care. 479 00:28:50,940 --> 00:28:53,944 Dear Walter, why is it that I gag when I brush my 480 00:28:53,945 --> 00:28:57,660 tongue but not when I give my boyfriend oral sex? 481 00:29:02,460 --> 00:29:04,800 Well, obviously your toothbrush is bigger. 482 00:29:24,590 --> 00:29:25,690 Thank you so much. 483 00:29:25,691 --> 00:29:26,691 All right. 484 00:29:26,770 --> 00:29:28,750 And now, ladies and gentlemen... 485 00:29:33,140 --> 00:29:36,300 Folks, every once in a while, if you're in show business, you feel the need to 486 00:29:36,301 --> 00:29:40,400 reinvent yourself, redo things, make the creative juices keep flowing. 487 00:29:40,560 --> 00:29:42,840 I felt not long ago it was time for me to do that, 488 00:29:42,841 --> 00:29:45,481 so I fired my current manager and hired a new one. 489 00:29:45,540 --> 00:29:47,510 He's actually here this evening, and before I go any 490 00:29:47,511 --> 00:29:49,501 further, he wanted to come out and say a few words. 491 00:29:49,580 --> 00:29:50,420 We're getting to know each other. 492 00:29:50,480 --> 00:29:51,840 He's getting to know my audiences. 493 00:29:51,960 --> 00:29:54,140 I think you're really going to enjoy him. 494 00:29:54,220 --> 00:29:55,060 He's a smart guy. 495 00:29:55,100 --> 00:29:56,040 I really respect him. 496 00:29:56,041 --> 00:29:59,300 Please help me welcome my new manager, Sweet Daddy D. 497 00:29:59,920 --> 00:30:01,200 Well, it's about time. 498 00:30:01,260 --> 00:30:02,860 These folks have been waiting to see me. 499 00:30:05,360 --> 00:30:06,360 How 500 00:30:19,510 --> 00:30:20,610 are you doing, Sweet Daddy? 501 00:30:20,690 --> 00:30:21,806 No, no, it's not Sweet Daddy. 502 00:30:21,830 --> 00:30:23,870 It's Sweet Daddy D! 503 00:30:30,380 --> 00:30:32,360 Well, I'm happy to call you my new manager. 504 00:30:32,560 --> 00:30:35,040 I'm what you call a player in the management profession. 505 00:30:35,300 --> 00:30:36,300 Right. 506 00:30:36,540 --> 00:30:37,540 Pim