Sightseers

No, I'll get cleaned up in a minute. 411 00:29:10,791 --> 00:29:14,168 Hey, Blue John Cavern opens in 45 minutes. 412 00:29:14,169 --> 00:29:16,671 I was thinking we should give another campsite a go tonight. 413 00:29:16,672 --> 00:29:18,782 This one's gone downhill. 414 00:29:30,894 --> 00:29:34,021 (man) So how many chickens have you got? 415 00:29:34,022 --> 00:29:36,899 <i>(Mr Grant) Now I've only got nine, but I had twelve.</i> 416 00:29:36,900 --> 00:29:40,063 Barbara, Margot... 417 00:29:41,655 --> 00:29:44,692 and the cockerel... Ronnie Wood. 418 00:29:44,741 --> 00:29:46,197 Ian! 419 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:51,536 Ian! 420 00:29:52,416 --> 00:29:56,506 We might be able to fit in, uh, Fountains Abbey. 421 00:30:00,173 --> 00:30:02,710 Banjo! What's wrong? 422 00:30:03,510 --> 00:30:05,140 Where's your mummy? 423 00:30:05,512 --> 00:30:08,254 What's happened? Eh? 424 00:30:09,099 --> 00:30:10,555 Chris, look. 425 00:30:12,602 --> 00:30:14,058 What's that? 426 00:30:14,938 --> 00:30:17,565 Banjo says his mummy's a mean, horrible bitch 427 00:30:17,566 --> 00:30:19,734 and he wants to come with us. 428 00:30:19,735 --> 00:30:22,778 Oh, I don't think that would be fair on Ian and Janice. 429 00:30:22,779 --> 00:30:26,659 Banjo? We don't care about being fair, do we? 430 00:30:26,908 --> 00:30:30,617 No. We just care about being happy. 431 00:30:31,246 --> 00:30:34,036 Bloody things I do for you, love. 432 00:30:38,128 --> 00:30:39,758 <i>(Tina) There we go.</i> 433 00:30:41,923 --> 00:30:43,288 Stay! 434 00:30:47,095 --> 00:30:49,815 Say one fucking word and it's... 435 00:30:52,934 --> 00:30:57,624 Go, go, go, go, go! Go, go, go, Chris. Go, go. Go. Go. 436 00:30:57,731 --> 00:30:59,607 Oh, no, Chris, it's Janice. 437 00:30:59,608 --> 00:31:03,271 No. Banjo, down. Down, Banjo. 438 00:31:03,403 --> 00:31:04,813 <i>(Janice) Ian!</i> 439 00:31:06,615 --> 00:31:07,980 Ian! 440 00:31:55,122 --> 00:31:58,785 - (both whooping) - (echoing cavernously) 441 00:32:00,836 --> 00:32:04,346 - (Chris whooping) - (Tina imitating monkey) 442 00:32:05,173 --> 00:32:06,583 <i>(Tina) Chris?</i> 443 00:32:06,925 --> 00:32:08,435 (whispering) Chris. 444 00:32:08,468 --> 00:32:10,176 You getting anything? 445 00:32:10,178 --> 00:32:12,438 You getting any inspiration? 446 00:32:18,186 --> 00:32:19,847 - Chris. - Hang on. 447 00:32:19,938 --> 00:32:22,690 - Chris. Chris. - Shut up, will you? 448 00:32:22,691 --> 00:32:24,358 - Taste that. - (shushing) 449 00:32:24,359 --> 00:32:26,193 If you haven't started the book yet, 450 00:32:26,194 --> 00:32:29,530 then you might as well write it about something else. 451 00:32:29,531 --> 00:32:31,317 - Fuck! - What? 452 00:32:31,366 --> 00:32:34,166 - Fuck, fuck, fuck. - What is it? 453 00:32:34,870 --> 00:32:38,456 Every time I think I've found my oeuvre, someone shits on it. 454 00:32:38,457 --> 00:32:40,291 Well, I wouldn't shit on you, Chris. 455 00:32:40,292 --> 00:32:41,709 Not unless you asked me to. 456 00:32:41,710 --> 00:32:44,503 Everyone else seems to find it so easy to express themselves. 457 00:32:44,504 --> 00:32:46,464 I mean, even you've got your knitting, haven't you? 458 00:32:46,465 --> 00:32:50,050 But the thing is, Chris, I'm your muse now. 459 00:32:50,051 --> 00:32:51,962 And we've got Banjo. 460 00:32:52,053 --> 00:32:56,015 So everything will be perfect. You just need to be a bit more patient. 461 00:32:56,016 --> 00:33:00,853 - There's something in me, Tina. - I'll help you squeeze it out. 462 00:33:00,854 --> 00:33:02,688 <i>(Chris) Choose anything you like, love. (Tina) Anything?</i> 463 00:33:02,689 --> 00:33:05,483 <i>(Chris) Anything you like, as long as it's under 10 quid.</i> 464 00:33:05,484 --> 00:33:06,974 How much is that? 465 00:33:09,321 --> 00:33:12,072 - 60 quid. - No, you can't have that. 466 00:33:12,073 --> 00:33:13,824 I need walking boots, don't I? 467 00:33:13,825 --> 00:33:16,327 Well, we'll get the walking boots as well. 468 00:33:16,328 --> 00:33:18,848 <i>(woman) You want a good tread.</i> 469 00:33:19,664 --> 00:33:21,074 Okay. 470 00:33:21,583 --> 00:33:24,919 - You heard about the man, didn't you? - No. 471 00:33:24,920 --> 00:33:28,422 He slipped on the crag and went off the cliff yesterday. 472 00:33:28,423 --> 00:33:31,425 - Did you not hear about that? - No! Did he hurt himself? 473 00:33:31,426 --> 00:33:33,917 Head smashed like a pumpkin. 474 00:33:35,430 --> 00:33:37,932 That's why I'd never have stone flooring. 475 00:33:37,933 --> 00:33:40,184 Although I do love that French farmhouse look. 476 00:33:40,185 --> 00:33:41,685 Yeah, it's terrible, isn't it, 477 00:33:41,686 --> 00:33:43,854 when people don't have respect for the power of nature? 478 00:33:43,855 --> 00:33:45,523 Can't find his do