Fun with Dick and Jane

00:29:34,730 --> 00:29:37,691 Hell, no! All you do is stand around while they sing. 469 00:29:37,775 --> 00:29:40,569 Sometimes, you carry a spear, or hold the elephant. 470 00:29:40,653 --> 00:29:42,112 It's real easy, man. 471 00:29:43,447 --> 00:29:46,741 Excuse me, Nesbitt. Private matter to discuss. 472 00:29:49,412 --> 00:29:52,540 -What about unemployment? -We don't tell them, man. 473 00:29:52,623 --> 00:29:55,542 -Suppose they find out? -How are they gonna find out? 474 00:29:55,668 --> 00:29:59,338 They pay us cash. There's no papers. No way they're gonna find out. 475 00:29:59,422 --> 00:30:02,049 You mean I'm gonna be a welfare chiseler? 476 00:30:02,133 --> 00:30:06,220 Hey, hey! A welfare chiseler is just some bum who doesn't wanna work. 477 00:30:06,304 --> 00:30:07,305 We wanna work. 478 00:30:07,388 --> 00:30:10,849 Yeah, but the rules say you can't work and collect unemployment. 479 00:30:10,933 --> 00:30:14,937 You can't always go by the rules. There are times to run heavy numbers. 480 00:30:15,021 --> 00:30:17,648 "When in the course of human events..." You know? 481 00:30:18,149 --> 00:30:20,109 How about guys like Rockefeller and Du Pont'? 482 00:30:20,192 --> 00:30:22,944 Think they let a few crummy rules stand in the way? 483 00:30:23,029 --> 00:30:26,032 That's the whole enchilada that made this country great, man. 484 00:30:27,283 --> 00:30:30,286 -I never thought of it like that. -You'd better start. 485 00:30:30,369 --> 00:30:33,872 I ain't no deadbeat welfare chiseler, and neither are you. 486 00:30:33,956 --> 00:30:36,375 -I'm sorry. -That's okay, man. 487 00:30:37,918 --> 00:30:39,711 [vocalizing] 488 00:31:03,611 --> 00:31:06,071 Cool it. Cool it. Cool it. 489 00:31:08,032 --> 00:31:10,951 [singing in French] 490 00:31:25,341 --> 00:31:26,759 [men shouting] 491 00:31:33,432 --> 00:31:35,559 Cool it. That's enough. Wait a minute. 492 00:32:06,465 --> 00:32:08,675 So you didn't work last week, Mr. Harper? 493 00:32:08,759 --> 00:32:11,094 -That's right. -That's funny. 494 00:32:11,178 --> 00:32:14,514 I caught your gypsy act the other night. Divine. 495 00:32:15,057 --> 00:32:17,309 Too bad I won't see you for three years. 496 00:32:18,727 --> 00:32:21,646 No unemployment for three years. I can't believe it. 497 00:32:21,730 --> 00:32:24,691 Look on the positive side. They could have sent you to jail. 498 00:32:24,775 --> 00:32:28,069 Unemployment's all we had. What am I gonna tell Jane? 499 00:32:28,154 --> 00:32:29,446 I wouldn't tell her. 500 00:32:32,658 --> 00:32:34,076 [doorbell rings] 501 00:32:36,328 --> 00:32:38,955 -[woman] Hello, dear. -[Jane] Hi, Mom, how are you? 502 00:32:39,039 --> 00:32:42,792 [woman] We're just fine, dear. It's so nice to see you. 503 00:32:42,877 --> 00:32:47,377 How thoughtful of you. Well, your father's waiting to see you. 504 00:32:49,383 --> 00:32:51,885 -Hi, Dad. -Jane brought us some flowers, dear. 505 00:32:51,969 --> 00:32:53,470 Hello, Jane. 506 00:32:58,684 --> 00:33:01,561 -Would you like a cup of tea, dear? -No, thanks, Mom. 507 00:33:03,230 --> 00:33:04,439 Over here. 508 00:33:09,528 --> 00:33:14,028 I discussed your phone call with your mother yesterday, after I hung up. 509 00:33:14,783 --> 00:33:17,160 "What does she want to see us about?" 510 00:33:17,244 --> 00:33:19,329 -Didn't I say that, Mother? -Yes. 511 00:33:19,413 --> 00:33:22,165 Something you couldn't discuss over the phone, you said. 512 00:33:22,249 --> 00:33:24,918 -Yes. That's right, Dad. i-- -Well... 513 00:33:25,669 --> 00:33:29,297 I narrowed it down to three possibilities: 514 00:33:29,381 --> 00:33:33,134 Health, emotion or money. 515 00:33:34,303 --> 00:33:37,723 Let's take health. Is there someone ill? 516 00:33:38,390 --> 00:33:42,102 No, I ruled that out myself. I distinctly remember asking 517 00:33:42,186 --> 00:33:45,189 about everyone's health, and your answer was positive. 518 00:33:45,272 --> 00:33:47,274 Without hesitation. 519 00:33:47,858 --> 00:33:50,110 Which brings us to... 520 00:33:50,444 --> 00:33:51,945 emotion. 521 00:33:52,571 --> 00:33:54,948 At your age, a euphemism for divorce. 522 00:33:57,076 --> 00:34:00,454 Well, you never came to see us to talk about marrying him, 523 00:34:00,538 --> 00:34:03,207 so why should you come to talk about divorcing him? 524 00:34:03,749 --> 00:34:06,918 No, a divorce can be handled in a phone call. 525 00:34:07,962 --> 00:34:09,004 So... 526 00:34:09,755 --> 00:34:10,797 it's money. 527 00:34:11,799 --> 00:34:14,593 You're broke. That's it, isn't it? 528 00:34:14,677 --> 00:34:17,096 Who ever said Sherlock Holmes was dead, eh, Mom? 529 00:34:17,179 --> 00:34:19,890 I was right, Mother, they're broke. 530 00:34:21,809 --> 00:34:24,520 Dick hasn't had a job in over three months, Dad. 531 00:34:24,603 --> 00:34:26,730 Why didn't you tell us before, dear? 532 00:34:26,814 --> 00:34:30,108 We were sure he could get a job and didn't want to worry you. 533 00:34:30,818 --> 00:34:34,363 I unloaded all of my