The 40 Year Old Virgin

you're not gonna get with anyone... 944 00:44:53,620 --> 00:44:55,250 unless you play the odds on this, man. 945 00:44:55,320 --> 00:44:57,220 You need to plant a lot of seeds. 946 00:44:57,290 --> 00:45:00,780 It's like this. When I was growing pot, I realized... 947 00:45:01,330 --> 00:45:04,420 that the more seeds I planted... Thank you. 948 00:45:04,530 --> 00:45:06,830 ...the more pot I could ultimately smoke. 949 00:45:06,900 --> 00:45:10,130 I think I have all the advice that I can handle right now. 950 00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:11,290 Don't get bitter. 951 00:45:11,370 --> 00:45:14,240 I'm not bitter. I almost lost a nipple, okay? 952 00:45:14,310 --> 00:45:16,100 That was Jay's idea, okay? 953 00:45:16,170 --> 00:45:18,770 And I wasn't going to say anything, but waxing your chest is... 954 00:45:18,840 --> 00:45:21,330 like the gayest thing you could possibly do, okay? 955 00:45:21,410 --> 00:45:25,140 Look at me. Looks are not important. Really look at me. 956 00:45:25,250 --> 00:45:28,190 I am ugly as fuck by traditional standards... 957 00:45:28,250 --> 00:45:30,690 but I get with women. 958 00:45:30,760 --> 00:45:32,880 Aren't you curious as to how that's possible? 959 00:45:32,960 --> 00:45:35,190 I am not ugly as fuck. 960 00:45:35,260 --> 00:45:37,090 I didn't say you were ugly as... 961 00:45:37,160 --> 00:45:38,630 Well, you implied it. Okay. 962 00:45:38,700 --> 00:45:41,290 It doesn't matter if you're ugly as fuck or you're ugly as shit. 963 00:45:41,370 --> 00:45:44,460 It's about talking to women, and I know how to do that... 964 00:45:44,540 --> 00:45:47,900 because I observe, because I am a novelist. 965 00:45:48,570 --> 00:45:50,470 What? You never told me that before. 966 00:45:50,540 --> 00:45:53,340 That's because I am not an arrogant prick, Andy. 967 00:45:53,440 --> 00:45:55,840 Okay? The problem most men have is... 968 00:45:56,180 --> 00:45:57,670 they don't know how to talk to women. 969 00:45:57,750 --> 00:46:01,450 You know what my problem is? I am not interesting. 970 00:46:01,590 --> 00:46:04,180 What am I supposed to say? "I went to magic camp?" 971 00:46:04,560 --> 00:46:06,350 "I'm an accomplished ventriloquist?" 972 00:46:06,420 --> 00:46:09,550 "I am a seventh-degree imperial yo-yo master. " 973 00:46:09,630 --> 00:46:10,620 [Exclaims] 974 00:46:10,700 --> 00:46:12,720 Do me, yo-yo master. 975 00:46:12,800 --> 00:46:16,600 I want you to do me, 'cause you're the yo-yo guy. 976 00:46:16,940 --> 00:46:18,160 Are you done? Listen. 977 00:46:18,240 --> 00:46:20,170 The problem most men have is... 978 00:46:20,240 --> 00:46:23,700 they just plain straight up have no clue how to talk to women. 979 00:46:24,110 --> 00:46:27,010 Just ask a question, okay? That's it. 980 00:46:27,150 --> 00:46:30,340 Because women do not care about what you have to say... 981 00:46:30,420 --> 00:46:31,880 at all anyway, you know. 982 00:46:31,950 --> 00:46:33,980 And all they want to do is talk about themselves. 983 00:46:34,050 --> 00:46:35,780 So you're just gonna let them do that. 984 00:46:35,850 --> 00:46:37,480 Okay? So remember. 985 00:46:37,560 --> 00:46:40,790 Questions, be cool, and be kind of a dick. 986 00:46:40,860 --> 00:46:43,990 Here, be David Caruso in <i>Jade. </i> 987 00:46:44,500 --> 00:46:46,660 Okay. I know exactly what you're talking about. 988 00:46:46,730 --> 00:46:48,220 You do. That's good. 989 00:46:50,030 --> 00:46:51,430 (Cal) There she is. 990 00:46:54,270 --> 00:46:56,000 Go plant that seed, man. 991 00:46:56,610 --> 00:46:58,370 Plant it with your finger. 992 00:47:10,590 --> 00:47:12,020 Can I help you? 993 00:47:14,060 --> 00:47:15,690 I don't know. Can you? 994 00:47:17,360 --> 00:47:19,330 Are you looking for something? 995 00:47:20,700 --> 00:47:23,330 Is there something I should be looking for? 996 00:47:24,670 --> 00:47:25,900 [Laughs] 997 00:47:27,610 --> 00:47:29,160 We have a lot of books. 998 00:47:29,610 --> 00:47:32,700 So, maybe it depends on what you like. 999 00:47:37,720 --> 00:47:39,180 What do you like? 1000 00:47:39,450 --> 00:47:42,940 We have a great section of... 1001 00:47:43,450 --> 00:47:44,920 do-it-yourself. 1002 00:47:44,990 --> 00:47:47,360 Do you like to "do it yourself"? 1003 00:47:48,290 --> 00:47:50,450 Sometimes. I mean... 1004 00:47:51,030 --> 00:47:54,590 if the mood strikes. 1005 00:47:55,870 --> 00:47:58,030 How is the mood striking you now? 1006 00:47:58,470 --> 00:47:59,870 [Laughing] 1007 00:48:01,510 --> 00:48:02,730 [Tittering] 1008 00:48:04,980 --> 00:48:06,440 What's your name? 1009 00:48:07,180 --> 00:48:08,370 What's your name? 1010 00:48:08,450 --> 00:48:10,510 I'm Beth. 1011 00:48:13,220 --> 00:48:14,340 Andy. 1012 00:48:15,620 --> 00:48:16,750 Andy. 1013 00:48