Stuart: A Life Backwards

No pride of ownership. 348 00:31:46,726 --> 00:31:48,520 Go! 349 00:31:52,274 --> 00:31:54,318 Right. 350 00:32:04,245 --> 00:32:09,166 Let's just say it was funny because as soon as we was sent down... 351 00:32:09,250 --> 00:32:11,377 Smithy's missus moved in with the fellow... 352 00:32:11,460 --> 00:32:13,296 what told us about the job. 353 00:32:14,881 --> 00:32:16,841 Five years. 354 00:32:19,218 --> 00:32:22,013 Pretty steep sentence. 355 00:32:22,096 --> 00:32:23,890 - Were you armed? - No. 356 00:32:31,523 --> 00:32:33,525 Only with a crowbar. 357 00:32:45,996 --> 00:32:50,543 Hey, Alexander? You want to stay for tea? 358 00:32:50,626 --> 00:32:53,921 Me favourite, convict curry. 359 00:32:54,005 --> 00:32:56,340 We used to make it in jail. 360 00:32:58,509 --> 00:32:59,969 Mushrooms. 361 00:33:13,316 --> 00:33:16,069 - What about the first time, then? - First time what? 362 00:33:17,279 --> 00:33:20,240 When you were sentenced, as an adult. 363 00:33:31,126 --> 00:33:32,670 I can't... 364 00:33:35,923 --> 00:33:38,134 I can't really talk about that, Mate. 365 00:33:42,805 --> 00:33:47,268 But, I mean, robbing an empty post office is... 366 00:33:47,352 --> 00:33:48,728 Burgling. 367 00:33:51,147 --> 00:33:55,694 Rob people, burgle post offices. 368 00:33:55,777 --> 00:33:59,948 Yeah, but what I mean is it's hardly a schedule one offence, is it? 369 00:34:00,031 --> 00:34:01,908 Of course not. 370 00:34:04,036 --> 00:34:07,289 Well, that's serious, isn't it? 371 00:34:20,553 --> 00:34:23,180 It wasn't kiddy fiddling. 372 00:34:30,313 --> 00:34:33,024 I didn't say that it was. 373 00:34:35,068 --> 00:34:36,820 It wasn't. 374 00:34:43,618 --> 00:34:46,079 We'll talk about it Thursday, yeah? 375 00:34:49,041 --> 00:34:51,501 Thursday afternoon. 376 00:34:56,381 --> 00:34:58,342 No other time, right? 377 00:35:01,971 --> 00:35:06,434 "Finally the mosaicist'd carefully peel back the cloth and then... 378 00:35:06,517 --> 00:35:09,562 an instant form. Fantastic." 379 00:35:09,645 --> 00:35:12,482 "This mosaic section would arrive on a cloth backing." 380 00:35:12,565 --> 00:35:14,567 "I'm covering the reverse side with glue." 381 00:35:14,650 --> 00:35:16,486 "The Romans would've used water." 382 00:35:16,569 --> 00:35:19,572 "The most important design was usually in the middle of the room." 383 00:35:19,656 --> 00:35:20,949 "We think this was the dining room." 384 00:35:21,032 --> 00:35:25,954 "And you see, here is Cupid riding on a dolphin carrying a toasting fork." 385 00:35:26,037 --> 00:35:27,122 "The mosaicist would work... 386 00:35:27,205 --> 00:35:29,082 out through through here towards the border... 387 00:35:29,165 --> 00:35:32,085 but he'd probably leave his minions to do the less important bits." 388 00:35:32,169 --> 00:35:34,212 "Because if there were mistakes up there... 389 00:35:34,296 --> 00:35:39,009 they'd all get covered up by the furniture." 390 00:35:39,092 --> 00:35:41,845 "Putting in each tile one by one with great care." 391 00:35:41,929 --> 00:35:44,598 "But I suspect it wasn't really like that at all." 392 00:35:44,682 --> 00:35:46,892 "The Romans were very keen on short tiles." 393 00:35:46,976 --> 00:35:48,269 "You could probably..." 394 00:35:53,149 --> 00:35:57,403 When you mop, use the bread. Mop up your juices. 395 00:36:11,751 --> 00:36:15,755 So, smash the window, break the steering wheel lock... 396 00:36:15,839 --> 00:36:17,924 by turning the wheel in opposing directions. 397 00:36:18,008 --> 00:36:23,347 And if the street is too public to use a brick... 398 00:36:23,430 --> 00:36:24,890 Slide stick. 399 00:36:24,973 --> 00:36:26,225 Remove the metal band... 400 00:36:26,308 --> 00:36:28,394 from a pallet of bricks, reduce to eighteen inches... 401 00:36:28,477 --> 00:36:31,939 remove a notch from one side, insert into door panel. 402 00:36:33,524 --> 00:36:35,901 I'm in the post office. Boot in the rubble. 403 00:36:35,985 --> 00:36:39,363 No, there's no point in ram-raiding a post office. 404 00:36:39,447 --> 00:36:42,074 - Why not? - You're not paying no attention! 405 00:36:42,158 --> 00:36:45,411 There's no point in ram-raiding a fucking post office. 406 00:36:45,495 --> 00:36:48,414 There's never no money in the till, is there? 407 00:36:51,501 --> 00:36:54,462 Gone are them days. 408 00:36:54,546 --> 00:36:56,464 No money. 409 00:36:59,885 --> 00:37:01,553 Here. 410 00:37:03,638 --> 00:37:07,142 No. I'll get a taxi, I'll stop at a bank on the way. 411 00:37:07,226 --> 00:37:10,562 No, honestly, take it. It's me beer money. 412 00:37:10,646 --> 00:37:13,399 You'll be doing me a favour. 413 00:37:13,482 --> 00:37:18,028 You'll be doing society a favour. 414 00:37:18,112 --> 00:37:20,406 And buy a fucking car. 415 00:37:20,489 -->