Dave Chappelle: The Bird Revelation

Know who's the most uncomfortable motherfucker in the room? 291 00:18:32,569 --> 00:18:33,737 The nigga that's right. 292 00:18:34,822 --> 00:18:37,157 I was right at an orgy once. Nobody fucked me. 293 00:18:45,249 --> 00:18:48,043 I was just walking around like Tom Cruise at the movies, just looking. 294 00:18:52,881 --> 00:18:54,842 And ruined the whole orgy by accident. 295 00:18:56,301 --> 00:18:58,470 It's easier to ruin an orgy than you think. 296 00:18:59,221 --> 00:19:03,308 All you gotta do is wait for it to get kind of quiet and then go, "Eww." 297 00:19:21,243 --> 00:19:22,369 And I feel bad. 298 00:19:24,037 --> 00:19:25,205 But I just feel like 299 00:19:25,747 --> 00:19:28,375 this is all happening for a reason. 300 00:19:29,334 --> 00:19:31,503 And, Ladies, I want you to win this fight. 301 00:19:31,879 --> 00:19:34,840 Ten years ago I might have been scared, but, you know, I got a daughter now. 302 00:19:34,923 --> 00:19:37,593 So if you win, she wins. So I'm rooting for you. 303 00:19:38,510 --> 00:19:39,845 And I agree with you. 304 00:19:40,846 --> 00:19:43,098 At least, ideologically, I do. 305 00:19:44,141 --> 00:19:45,434 I don't know if the.. 306 00:19:46,643 --> 00:19:50,230 I don't know if you're doing it right, but I mean, who am I to say? 307 00:19:51,398 --> 00:19:53,817 I don't think you're wrong. I just think that... 308 00:19:54,943 --> 00:19:57,362 You can't make a lasting peace this way. 309 00:19:58,071 --> 00:20:00,073 You got all the bad guys scared. 310 00:20:00,532 --> 00:20:01,450 And that's good, 311 00:20:02,034 --> 00:20:06,371 but the minute they're not scared anymore, it will get worse than it was before. 312 00:20:07,331 --> 00:20:09,583 Fear does not make lasting peace. 313 00:20:09,666 --> 00:20:10,667 Ask black people. 314 00:20:12,878 --> 00:20:14,129 And that's what it is. 315 00:20:14,838 --> 00:20:16,506 What this city really needs... 316 00:20:16,882 --> 00:20:21,094 Without irony, I'll say this. The cure for L.A. is in South Africa. 317 00:20:21,929 --> 00:20:25,599 You motherfuckers need truth and reconciliation with one another. 318 00:20:25,933 --> 00:20:29,269 Because the end of apartheid should have been a fucking bloodbath 319 00:20:29,353 --> 00:20:31,980 by any metric in human history, 320 00:20:32,064 --> 00:20:33,273 and it wasn't. 321 00:20:33,357 --> 00:20:36,401 The only reason it wasn't is because Desmond Tutu 322 00:20:36,485 --> 00:20:38,654 and Mandela and all these guys figured out 323 00:20:38,737 --> 00:20:43,075 that if a system is corrupt, then the people who adhere to the system 324 00:20:43,158 --> 00:20:46,536 and are incentivized by that system are not criminals. 325 00:20:46,620 --> 00:20:50,332 They are victims, and the system itself must be tried, 326 00:20:50,415 --> 00:20:53,835 but because of how systems work is so compartmentalized 327 00:20:53,919 --> 00:20:55,295 as far as information, 328 00:20:55,379 --> 00:20:57,839 the only way we can figure out what the system is 329 00:20:57,923 --> 00:21:00,759 is if everybody says what they did. 330 00:21:01,426 --> 00:21:03,220 Tell him how you participated. 331 00:21:03,303 --> 00:21:05,138 Because men want to help, they're just scared. 332 00:21:05,222 --> 00:21:08,392 Ben Affleck tried to help. "What happened to these ladies is disgusting." 333 00:21:08,475 --> 00:21:10,477 "Oh, Nigga, you grabbed a titty in '95." 334 00:21:10,560 --> 00:21:12,187 "All right, Fellas, I'm out." 335 00:21:15,357 --> 00:21:16,483 "Fuck that, I ain't helping." 336 00:21:18,986 --> 00:21:20,279 I just want to help. 337 00:21:20,737 --> 00:21:21,989 I want to be a good guy. 338 00:21:23,115 --> 00:21:25,617 Like, I can't even say the word "Me too" anymore. 339 00:21:25,701 --> 00:21:27,828 A nigga was like, "Dave, I'm going to the comedy club." 340 00:21:27,911 --> 00:21:30,372 I was like, "I am also going to the comedy club." 341 00:21:38,130 --> 00:21:41,258 And I didn't even know it was happening, but I guess I became like a feminist 342 00:21:41,341 --> 00:21:44,344 in the last three weeks because I can't watch porn the same. 343 00:21:45,012 --> 00:21:46,263 Like, I watch it sometimes, 344 00:21:46,346 --> 00:21:49,141 but I can't.. I can't click on these motherfucking thumbnails, 345 00:21:49,224 --> 00:21:50,475 not with those titles. 346 00:21:52,060 --> 00:21:55,272 "Guy crams young girl in the ass with hard rod." 347 00:21:55,355 --> 00:21:57,149 I can't click on that. 348 00:21:58,025 --> 00:22:00,485 Come on, Nigga. Give me something I can click on. 349 00:22:01,194 --> 00:22:03,697 "Dude gets sucked off by a midget." 350 00:22:03,780 --> 00:22:06,074 "Little person!" I say to myself. 351 00:22:11,330 --> 00:22:13,206 Takes me hours to find one clip. 352 00:22:13,999 --...