Louis C.K.: Hilarious

It was just the phone. 648 00:31:28,879 --> 00:31:30,945 It was this thing, the phone, 649 00:31:30,947 --> 00:31:34,416 That was in a room In your house. 650 00:31:34,418 --> 00:31:36,418 And then you had to dial This fucking thing. 651 00:31:36,420 --> 00:31:38,287 There was a rotor, 652 00:31:38,289 --> 00:31:39,954 And you had to turn it And go-- 653 00:31:39,956 --> 00:31:42,657 [Imitates rotary phone] 654 00:31:42,659 --> 00:31:45,360 You actually hated people With zeros in their numbers, 655 00:31:45,362 --> 00:31:46,561 'Cause they made you do-- 656 00:31:46,563 --> 00:31:48,997 Well, this guy's got A zero and a nine. 657 00:31:48,999 --> 00:31:51,166 How badly do i want to talk To that piece of shit? 658 00:31:51,168 --> 00:31:54,970 That's too much work. 659 00:31:54,972 --> 00:31:57,773 Now we have this, Which is amazing. 660 00:31:57,775 --> 00:32:00,675 We have these phones that you Can call in an air strike. 661 00:32:00,677 --> 00:32:03,245 You can look at the top of your own head. 662 00:32:03,247 --> 00:32:05,180 It's amazing, this shit, 663 00:32:05,182 --> 00:32:07,515 And it's wasted On the shittiest generation 664 00:32:07,517 --> 00:32:09,785 of piece of shit assholes That ever fucking lived. 665 00:32:09,787 --> 00:32:11,987 I swear to God. We are. 666 00:32:11,989 --> 00:32:15,223 We're the worst people so far. 667 00:32:15,225 --> 00:32:17,025 Because we have This beautiful thing, 668 00:32:17,027 --> 00:32:18,226 And we hate it. 669 00:32:18,228 --> 00:32:20,195 We're just-- "Fucking thing." 670 00:32:20,197 --> 00:32:22,831 I don't-- Never saw a person going, 671 00:32:22,833 --> 00:32:24,032 "Look at what My phone can do." 672 00:32:24,034 --> 00:32:25,466 Nobody does that. 673 00:32:25,468 --> 00:32:29,137 They all go-- "Fucking thing, it sucks. 674 00:32:29,139 --> 00:32:31,372 I can't get it to--" 675 00:32:31,374 --> 00:32:33,741 Give it a second, Would you? 676 00:32:33,743 --> 00:32:36,444 Could you give it a second? 677 00:32:36,446 --> 00:32:38,313 It's going to space. 678 00:32:38,315 --> 00:32:43,418 Can you give it a second To get back from space? 679 00:32:43,420 --> 00:32:46,254 Is the speed of light Too slow for you? 680 00:32:46,256 --> 00:32:48,690 You non-contributing, Product sponge cunt? 681 00:32:48,692 --> 00:32:50,391 Can you just wait? 682 00:32:50,393 --> 00:32:55,230 Can you just take A little breath? 683 00:32:55,232 --> 00:32:58,867 Just wait for that picture of Axl rose to get on your phone. 684 00:32:58,869 --> 00:33:01,469 Like it even fucking mattered What you were doing. 685 00:33:01,471 --> 00:33:05,040 Like it was even important. 686 00:33:05,042 --> 00:33:06,607 We're all just so mad. 687 00:33:06,609 --> 00:33:08,710 "I hate my phone. It sucks!" 688 00:33:08,712 --> 00:33:10,145 No, it doesn't. 689 00:33:10,147 --> 00:33:12,580 It's amazing. 690 00:33:12,582 --> 00:33:14,216 The shittiest cell phone In the world 691 00:33:14,218 --> 00:33:16,351 Is a miracle. 692 00:33:16,353 --> 00:33:19,687 Your life sucks Around the phone. 693 00:33:21,690 --> 00:33:25,160 Why are you so mad at it? 694 00:33:25,162 --> 00:33:26,829 People say The craziest shit. 695 00:33:26,831 --> 00:33:31,366 "I--i hate Verizon." 696 00:33:31,368 --> 00:33:33,735 What are you talking about? 697 00:33:33,737 --> 00:33:35,570 How can that feeling exist? 698 00:33:35,572 --> 00:33:39,374 "I hate Verizon!" 699 00:33:39,376 --> 00:33:41,442 "Why? Did they fire you And take away your pension?" 700 00:33:41,444 --> 00:33:45,546 "No, it just--couple of times It was weird for a second." 701 00:33:47,951 --> 00:33:52,420 "I hate them!" 702 00:33:52,422 --> 00:33:53,855 Hate Verizon. 703 00:33:53,857 --> 00:33:55,757 Well, make your own, then. 704 00:33:55,759 --> 00:33:58,693 You go make one. 705 00:33:58,695 --> 00:33:59,828 Make your own network. 706 00:33:59,830 --> 00:34:03,131 Get some hubcaps And climb some trees. 707 00:34:03,133 --> 00:34:07,969 See how close Yours is to perfect. 708 00:34:07,971 --> 00:34:09,438 Why would it be perfect? 709 00:34:09,440 --> 00:34:11,339 Really, It's as good as it is. 710 00:34:11,341 --> 00:34:13,808 Why do we expect it To be fucking perfect 711 00:34:13,810 --> 00:34:14,809 All the fucking time? 712 00:34:14,811 --> 00:34:15,810 We're not contributing. 713 00:34:15,812 --> 00:34:17,412 We're not helping it be perfect. 714 00:34:17,414 --> 00:34:20,581 We don't even know what-- What is involved. 715 00:34:20,583 --> 00:34:22,884 Do you have any idea What is involved 716 00:34:22,886 --> 00:34:24,852 In taking your thing That you said 717 00:34:24,854 --> 00:34:28,189 That nobody needs To ever hear ever, 718 00:34:28,191 --> 00:34:31,393 When you go-- "Hey, what's up, dude." 719 00:34:33,564