Gabriel Iglesias: Aloha Fluffy

00:33:55,950 --> 00:33:57,666 glasses the cool shoes the cool pants 703 00:33:57,690 --> 00:34:00,754 they want to fit in so bad you mess with 704 00:34:00,778 --> 00:34:04,114 their image at school oh it's mental 705 00:34:04,138 --> 00:34:06,186 it's emotional and depending on what you 706 00:34:06,210 --> 00:34:09,440 did it's physical 707 00:34:10,110 --> 00:34:12,316 why do you think they make such a big 708 00:34:12,340 --> 00:34:14,445 deal about bullying in schools and child 709 00:34:14,469 --> 00:34:16,276 abuse amongst each other because when 710 00:34:16,300 --> 00:34:18,706 kids turn it's not pretty especially if 711 00:34:18,730 --> 00:34:20,865 they have a reason to like finding out 712 00:34:20,889 --> 00:34:23,175 that you got dropped off on Sunday by 713 00:34:23,199 --> 00:34:25,095 your dad because there was a janitor 714 00:34:25,119 --> 00:34:27,555 there working who saw the whole thing go 715 00:34:27,579 --> 00:34:32,206 down and three days is what it took for 716 00:34:32,230 --> 00:34:34,276 word to get out and when those kids 717 00:34:34,300 --> 00:34:36,526 found out it was my son the things they 718 00:34:36,550 --> 00:34:38,925 said to him were so bad that when he 719 00:34:38,949 --> 00:34:42,916 came home he was in tears okay and I'm 720 00:34:42,940 --> 00:34:44,566 not gonna let you guys I felt terrible 721 00:34:44,590 --> 00:34:46,805 for like a second 722 00:34:46,829 --> 00:34:50,715 it was bad though it was I was moved he 723 00:34:50,739 --> 00:34:51,761 came in all hard 724 00:34:51,785 --> 00:34:55,331 I hope your happy I hope your happy 725 00:34:55,355 --> 00:34:58,100 all day long people been messing with me 726 00:34:58,124 --> 00:35:00,402 it's Sunday kid It's Sunday kid 727 00:35:02,248 --> 00:35:03,749 get him a calendar 728 00:35:05,051 --> 00:35:06,440 get him a watch 729 00:35:07,820 --> 00:35:09,447 why are you just standing there 730 00:35:11,289 --> 00:35:13,257 SAY SOMETHING 731 00:35:13,769 --> 00:35:16,276 put on deodorant 732 00:35:16,300 --> 00:35:19,429 [Applause] 733 00:35:27,389 --> 00:35:29,865 I'm not gonna lie you guys I think deep 734 00:35:29,889 --> 00:35:31,635 down he wishes that I would hit him 735 00:35:31,659 --> 00:35:34,486 because it would be faster but that's 736 00:35:34,510 --> 00:35:35,956 not how I roll 737 00:35:35,980 --> 00:35:38,626 oh no and I gotta give credit to his mom 738 00:35:38,650 --> 00:35:41,986 you guys his mom allows me to be a dad 739 00:35:42,010 --> 00:35:44,416 you know as a stepparent it's not easy 740 00:35:44,440 --> 00:35:46,546 you can't just come in and run things it 741 00:35:46,570 --> 00:35:47,535 takes time 742 00:35:47,559 --> 00:35:49,726 if you come into that house and you 743 00:35:49,750 --> 00:35:51,345 start trying to yell at people and start 744 00:35:51,369 --> 00:35:54,046 trying to know they'll jump all over you 745 00:35:54,070 --> 00:35:56,535 you can't be doing that don't do hey you 746 00:35:56,559 --> 00:35:58,949 tell me what he did I'll handle it 747 00:35:58,973 --> 00:36:00,049 you don't do anything 748 00:36:01,329 --> 00:36:03,726 A few of you are like I've been there bro 749 00:36:03,750 --> 00:36:06,015 yeah all right next thing you know 750 00:36:06,039 --> 00:36:07,276 you're in the corner crying when that 751 00:36:07,300 --> 00:36:08,856 kid is supposed to be 752 00:36:08,880 --> 00:36:10,635 it's a hazing 753 00:36:10,659 --> 00:36:12,015 process in the beginning it's 754 00:36:12,039 --> 00:36:13,396 everybody's pushing each other's buttons 755 00:36:13,420 --> 00:36:15,226 everybody's testing each other is this 756 00:36:15,250 --> 00:36:16,936 guy really gonna stick around that's 757 00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:18,796 what happens and after eight years hey 758 00:36:18,820 --> 00:36:22,965 my credit is good so my girl backs me up 759 00:36:22,989 --> 00:36:25,095 whenever I make a call she backs me up 760 00:36:25,119 --> 00:36:28,035 don't get me wrong if I make a bad call 761 00:36:28,059 --> 00:36:30,316 she's gonna call me on it okay if I mess 762 00:36:30,340 --> 00:36:32,445 up she's gonna point it out she doesn't 763 00:36:32,469 --> 00:36:33,916 think that all my ideas are good ones 764 00:36:33,940 --> 00:36:35,956 and there's been a few times when I've 765 00:36:35,980 --> 00:36:41,146 messed up as a dad like one night I got 766 00:36:41,170 --> 00:36:43,896 really really drunk on the road with Martine 767 00:36:44,630 --> 00:36:45,976 and I don't know what happened I 768 00:36:46,000 --> 00:36:48,916 started drunk texting Frankie I don't 769 00:36:48,940 --> 00:36:50,146 know what it is about me getting drunk 770 00:36:50,170 --> 00:36:51,524 for some reason the phone just 771 00:36:55,873 --> 00:36:58,305 and my girl found out about it and when I go