Louis C.K.: Live at The Comedy Store

00:25:06,682 --> 00:25:10,059 life just kinda takes off and kids start, you know, 451 00:25:10,101 --> 00:25:11,437 they got their own ideas and they're- 452 00:25:11,478 --> 00:25:14,981 My nine-year-old, she's just figuring out about lying 453 00:25:15,023 --> 00:25:15,524 and that's a tough thing. 454 00:25:15,566 --> 00:25:17,484 It's hard to roll that one back, 455 00:25:17,526 --> 00:25:23,407 because lying is pretty amazingly useful in life. 456 00:25:23,449 --> 00:25:26,826 It's like, how do you tell a kid not to use a thing 457 00:25:26,868 --> 00:25:31,080 that just solves every possible problem, like magic? 458 00:25:31,582 --> 00:25:32,624 How do you... 459 00:25:33,625 --> 00:25:35,419 'Cause that's why- Kids lie 'cause they're in trouble. 460 00:25:35,461 --> 00:25:37,671 They lie 'cause they're in more trouble than they can take, 461 00:25:37,713 --> 00:25:39,964 you know? 'Cause kids... 462 00:25:40,006 --> 00:25:40,674 Nine-year-old, when a nine-year-old lies, 463 00:25:40,716 --> 00:25:45,094 it's not for some weird Machiavellian, you know... 464 00:25:45,136 --> 00:25:46,929 "Do you know what my teacher said about you? 465 00:25:46,971 --> 00:25:47,389 It was interesting. " 466 00:25:47,431 --> 00:25:51,017 They don't just make shit up. 467 00:25:51,352 --> 00:25:52,603 They lie because they're in trouble 468 00:25:52,644 --> 00:25:53,771 and it's more than they can- 469 00:25:53,812 --> 00:25:55,647 'Cause trouble is too much for a kid. 470 00:25:55,689 --> 00:25:57,775 Trouble- For grown-ups, we can take trouble. 471 00:25:57,816 --> 00:26:01,110 We don't care. We just go, oh, I'm sorry. 472 00:26:01,152 --> 00:26:02,571 Oh, am I in trouble? 473 00:26:02,613 --> 00:26:06,157 Oh, whoops! 474 00:26:06,199 --> 00:26:08,910 We don't care. 475 00:26:08,951 --> 00:26:12,080 But to a little kid, trouble is like this horrible... 476 00:26:12,121 --> 00:26:14,290 Did you take the chocolate? 477 00:26:19,505 --> 00:26:23,174 And she did and she doesn't know how to handle it. 478 00:26:23,216 --> 00:26:23,300 Did you- 479 00:26:23,342 --> 00:26:25,386 Did you take it? 480 00:26:30,890 --> 00:26:32,058 "No. " 481 00:26:32,810 --> 00:26:35,479 Well, all right, then, have a nice day. 482 00:26:44,153 --> 00:26:46,072 How do you then tell her, yeah, don't ever apply 483 00:26:46,114 --> 00:26:49,326 that perfect solution again, to terrifying things. 484 00:26:51,745 --> 00:26:54,748 Mark Twain once said, "A man who always tells the truth 485 00:26:54,790 --> 00:26:57,459 doesn't have to remember what he said. " 486 00:26:57,501 --> 00:26:58,836 And that's great. 487 00:26:58,877 --> 00:27:01,839 But Mark Twain also said, "There once was a big black guy 488 00:27:01,880 --> 00:27:04,341 named Nigger Jim. " So... 489 00:27:05,342 --> 00:27:07,344 I don't know if... 490 00:27:07,386 --> 00:27:10,764 ...a hundred percent of the things he said 491 00:27:10,806 --> 00:27:12,599 were perfectly awesome. 492 00:27:18,187 --> 00:27:19,731 Really, Mark? Nigger Jim, you're gonna go with? 493 00:27:19,773 --> 00:27:22,776 That's the best you can do, to name the- 494 00:27:22,818 --> 00:27:25,571 It's got kind of a nice ring to it, Nigger Jim. 495 00:27:25,612 --> 00:27:28,615 Yeah, well, it's a little on the nose, isn't it? 496 00:27:31,117 --> 00:27:33,370 Could've called him Black Mike, I mean, just a little... 497 00:27:34,455 --> 00:27:38,082 Take it down one notch of the... 498 00:27:38,124 --> 00:27:39,959 Thanks for that, Mark. 499 00:27:44,281 --> 00:27:45,824 Anyway. 500 00:27:45,866 --> 00:27:48,869 So, while we're in this area... 501 00:27:50,203 --> 00:27:51,872 Now that I know you guys are cool. 502 00:27:51,913 --> 00:27:54,456 No, no. 503 00:27:54,498 --> 00:27:54,708 No. 504 00:28:01,672 --> 00:28:03,424 No. Um... 505 00:28:03,465 --> 00:28:04,508 No, no. 506 00:28:04,550 --> 00:28:04,718 But, uh- but, uh... 507 00:28:04,759 --> 00:28:06,177 but... but... 508 00:28:10,598 --> 00:28:10,891 This is a story that takes place- 509 00:28:10,932 --> 00:28:13,018 I'm gonna tell you this story, it's kind of a messy story. 510 00:28:13,059 --> 00:28:15,103 It takes place over a lot of years, 'cause it start- 511 00:28:15,145 --> 00:28:17,856 It started with my friend Mike, who told me this story. 512 00:28:17,898 --> 00:28:20,275 This happened to him back in the '90s. 513 00:28:20,317 --> 00:28:24,070 He was going home for Christmas and he lives in Connecticut- 514 00:28:24,112 --> 00:28:27,324 He grew up in Connecticut in some shitty shit town 515 00:28:27,365 --> 00:28:30,160 in shitty, shitty Connecticut, 516 00:28:30,201 --> 00:28:33,537 and he didn't like going home. 517 00:28:33,579 --> 00:28:34,164 He's one of those people. He came from a place- 518 00:28:34,20