Dogma

is not found. 662 00:40:54,075 --> 00:40:58,620 And being that I can't even trust you enough to kill a woman... 663 00:41:00,331 --> 00:41:02,832 ...well, I'm left with no choice... 664 00:41:03,000 --> 00:41:07,045 ...but to seek outside assistance in guarding said package. 665 00:41:10,466 --> 00:41:12,509 I'm gonna have to summon the Golgothan. 666 00:41:15,679 --> 00:41:18,014 I appreciate the loan. You can have that back. 667 00:41:18,182 --> 00:41:21,476 I remember when all we had for breakfast was fish and goat's milk. 668 00:41:21,644 --> 00:41:24,020 - What do you call this shit? - Egga Mooby Muffin. 669 00:41:24,188 --> 00:41:27,273 Now, how about you start explaining things, like for starters... 670 00:41:27,441 --> 00:41:28,775 ...how did you find us? 671 00:41:28,943 --> 00:41:31,194 You know what the dead do with most of their time? 672 00:41:31,362 --> 00:41:34,030 Watch the living. Especially in the shower. 673 00:41:34,198 --> 00:41:35,698 I can't wait to die. 674 00:41:35,866 --> 00:41:37,617 And why are you watching me? 675 00:41:37,785 --> 00:41:40,036 Because you're gonna help me get changes made... 676 00:41:40,204 --> 00:41:42,038 ...in that book you put so much stock in. 677 00:41:42,206 --> 00:41:44,499 - Hustler? - The Bible! 678 00:41:44,667 --> 00:41:47,878 - What's your beef with the Bible? - For starters, I'm not in it. 679 00:41:48,046 --> 00:41:50,548 Neither are we. You don't hear us bitching and moaning. 680 00:41:50,715 --> 00:41:54,051 But I'm supposed to be in it. I was the 13th apostle. 681 00:41:55,720 --> 00:41:59,723 I've gone to church my whole life and never heard of Rufus, the 13th apostle. 682 00:41:59,891 --> 00:42:02,560 Yeah, but you heard of the other 12 apostles. 683 00:42:02,727 --> 00:42:06,230 Yeah, all white boys, I might add. But no mention of me, Rufus. 684 00:42:06,398 --> 00:42:08,858 And why is that? Because I'm a black man. 685 00:42:09,025 --> 00:42:11,026 But you know what? That's just my pet peeve. 686 00:42:11,194 --> 00:42:15,531 I'm mainly here to correct a major error you've been basing the faith on. 687 00:42:15,699 --> 00:42:19,160 - What's that? - Jesus wasn't white. Jesus was black. 688 00:42:19,327 --> 00:42:20,411 I don't buy it. 689 00:42:20,579 --> 00:42:24,665 If that's true, why did he get written about and you were left out? 690 00:42:24,833 --> 00:42:26,792 Well, he is the son of God. 691 00:42:26,960 --> 00:42:29,253 Kind of hard to have a New Testament without him. 692 00:42:29,421 --> 00:42:32,089 So you fudge a few facts, you put a spin on his ethnicity. 693 00:42:32,257 --> 00:42:35,759 Leaving me out's okay because you still got 12 white boys to choose from. 694 00:42:35,927 --> 00:42:37,261 You gonna listen to this shit? 695 00:42:37,429 --> 00:42:39,513 That's what the good people of Antioch said... 696 00:42:39,681 --> 00:42:41,390 ...right before they stoned my ass. 697 00:42:41,558 --> 00:42:42,600 You were martyred? 698 00:42:42,767 --> 00:42:44,602 That's one way of putting it. 699 00:42:44,769 --> 00:42:47,730 Another way is to say I was bludgeoned by big fucking rocks. 700 00:42:47,898 --> 00:42:50,608 White folks only wanna hear the good shit: 701 00:42:50,775 --> 00:42:52,943 Life eternal, a place in God's heaven. 702 00:42:53,111 --> 00:42:55,696 But as soon as you hear you're getting this good shit... 703 00:42:55,864 --> 00:42:57,406 ...from a black Jesus, you freak. 704 00:42:57,574 --> 00:42:59,700 And that, my friends, is called hypocrisy. 705 00:42:59,868 --> 00:43:04,456 A black man can steal your stereo, but he can't be your savior. 706 00:43:04,624 --> 00:43:05,916 Gonna eat that hash brown? 707 00:43:07,001 --> 00:43:08,877 So you went to heaven? 708 00:43:09,045 --> 00:43:12,047 Damn right I went to heaven! Shit, that's the least he could do. 709 00:43:12,215 --> 00:43:15,717 In the three years I followed his ass around Jerusalem, did I ever get laid? 710 00:43:15,885 --> 00:43:18,762 Hell, no. And I was in my prime. 711 00:43:18,930 --> 00:43:21,473 I could have been knee-deep in shepherds' daughters... 712 00:43:21,641 --> 00:43:24,142 ...not to mention fine-ass Mary Magdalene. 713 00:43:24,310 --> 00:43:26,144 She had a thing for dark meat. 714 00:43:26,312 --> 00:43:29,272 Maybe this is just me talking, but if I were in heaven... 715 00:43:29,440 --> 00:43:32,442 ...I wouldn't care what the Bible said as long as the message was right. 716 00:43:32,610 --> 00:43:34,653 The message is what counts. 717 00:43:34,820 --> 00:43:38,490 But folks who build their faith on that message should be colorblind. 718 00:43:38,658 --> 00:43:41,660 And all my rabble-rousing is not doing that much above. 719 00:43:41,827 --> 00:43:43,536 So I'm gonna need some help down here. 720 00:43:43,704 --> 00:43...