Fletch Lives

on the windows, walls that are deplaning to an alarming degree. 459 00:33:01,023 --> 00:33:04,860 Deplaning? This house is obviously infested with reticulermes Mario Cuomos. 460 00:33:04,902 --> 00:33:07,404 What's that? What's what? 461 00:33:07,446 --> 00:33:10,407 Reticulermes. You can't even say it yourself. 462 00:33:10,491 --> 00:33:13,619 They are deadly African microscopic termites. 463 00:33:13,702 --> 00:33:17,206 They can eat a hundred times their weight in five minutes. 464 00:33:17,289 --> 00:33:19,666 Much like yourself. From the look of things, I'd say... 465 00:33:19,750 --> 00:33:22,377 this place is about ready to collapse. Who are you? 466 00:33:22,419 --> 00:33:26,048 BillieJean King, Bug Busters. My van is parked out front. 467 00:33:26,131 --> 00:33:28,842 Mr. King, I don't know nothin' about no Bug Busters. 468 00:33:28,926 --> 00:33:33,222 The surgeon general was right. They've been mighty busy here. 469 00:33:35,432 --> 00:33:39,353 The only time you can catch 'em is at night. 470 00:33:41,230 --> 00:33:44,441 Aha! I got one! See that? 471 00:33:44,525 --> 00:33:48,070 These little buggers are the piranhas of the insect world. 472 00:33:48,153 --> 00:33:50,739 The only thing they like better than wood is human flesh. Really? 473 00:33:50,823 --> 00:33:53,450 You bet. If you can't see it, how do you know you got one? 474 00:33:53,534 --> 00:33:57,746 I'm glad I asked that question. They make this horrible high-pitched noise. 475 00:33:57,788 --> 00:34:02,125 It's kinda like a tiny little scream. Can you hear that? 476 00:34:02,209 --> 00:34:05,087 Can you hear that? It's like a tiny little piglet. 477 00:34:05,128 --> 00:34:09,258 No? Uh-oh. I seem to have dropped it in your ear. You what? 478 00:34:09,299 --> 00:34:11,260 That's all right. 479 00:34:11,301 --> 00:34:16,139 We better get that. Can't let that nest in there. They multiply by masturbation. 480 00:34:16,223 --> 00:34:19,226 The only way to get that out is to get as close to the floor as you can. 481 00:34:19,309 --> 00:34:22,729 Go on down to the floor. That's right. They're drawn to the floorboards. 482 00:34:22,813 --> 00:34:25,607 Now shake your head like you're trying to get water out of your ear. 483 00:34:25,649 --> 00:34:29,486 That's good. But hit it... No, hit it harder. This side. That's right. 484 00:34:29,570 --> 00:34:33,198 Now make that scream. That'll draw 'em out. Squeal like a pig. 485 00:34:33,282 --> 00:34:36,118 [Squealing] A little higher. Hey, I found the queen! 486 00:34:36,201 --> 00:34:39,580 I found the queen! I don't believe it. No one's ever found a queen. 487 00:34:39,663 --> 00:34:42,166 I gotta get this to the lab and get a stool sample. 488 00:34:42,249 --> 00:34:45,961 [Squealing] 489 00:34:46,003 --> 00:34:48,046 [Squealing] 490 00:34:52,926 --> 00:34:56,847 [Fletch's Voice] After my close call with Miss Piggy, I couldn't wait to get home. 491 00:34:56,889 --> 00:34:58,891 My head was filled with decorating ideas. 492 00:34:58,974 --> 00:35:03,145 I didn't have a lot of money, but I could move the pool closer to the house. 493 00:35:03,228 --> 00:35:05,189 [Brakes Squealing] 494 00:35:09,067 --> 00:35:13,155 I could see I wasn't gonna get much privacy. 495 00:35:52,402 --> 00:35:55,280 [Baseball Announcer, Indistinct] 496 00:35:55,489 --> 00:35:58,075 - Who's there? - It's Avon calling. 497 00:35:59,243 --> 00:36:01,036 Oh.! It's you.! 498 00:36:01,119 --> 00:36:05,791 - I'd like to talk to you for a minute. - Yeah, come on in. 499 00:36:05,874 --> 00:36:08,210 Come on in. Have a seat. Make yourself at home. 500 00:36:08,293 --> 00:36:12,548 What's on your mind? 501 00:36:12,631 --> 00:36:14,883 Well... [Water Sloshing] 502 00:36:17,177 --> 00:36:19,555 What do you do? Mud wrestle in this thing? 503 00:36:19,638 --> 00:36:22,391 I'm sorry about that, but I won it in a raffle. 504 00:36:22,432 --> 00:36:27,896 Must be an art to sitting in one of these. Lost art. 505 00:36:27,938 --> 00:36:31,066 You get the Lakers? I'm lucky if I can get Wheel of Fortune. 506 00:36:31,149 --> 00:36:34,153 Do you know any reason why somebody would want to buy this land? 507 00:36:34,236 --> 00:36:36,155 Insect research. 508 00:36:36,238 --> 00:36:38,782 [TVAnnouncer] Boston two-and-a-halfback of the Yankees. 509 00:36:38,866 --> 00:36:40,784 I have an offer for $250,000. 510 00:36:40,868 --> 00:36:46,415 Take the money and run! What you thinkin'? 511 00:36:46,456 --> 00:36:49,585 What do you know about this Farnsworth Ministry? 512 00:36:49,626 --> 00:36:54,423 Jimmy Lee Farnsworth? Down here everybody knows about him. 513 00:36:54,464 --> 00:36:57,718 Your Aunt Belle used to watch him when she was laid up. 514 00:36:57,801 --> 00:37:01,221 ...And that is have yo