The Brass Teapot

528 00:36:17,709 --> 00:36:19,242 Coming! 529 00:36:21,412 --> 00:36:23,180 Coming! 530 00:36:28,186 --> 00:36:29,252 <i>Shabbat shalom.</i> 531 00:36:29,254 --> 00:36:30,754 I'm sorry, guys. We're not religious. 532 00:36:32,390 --> 00:36:36,393 [ Screams ] oh, my God! Baby! Baby, no! 533 00:36:36,395 --> 00:36:39,696 - Oh, baby, no. - [ Groaning ] 534 00:36:39,698 --> 00:36:42,699 - [ Groans ] - Oh, baby! [ screams ] 535 00:36:43,634 --> 00:36:46,236 Hey! 536 00:36:48,339 --> 00:36:51,341 - Where is the teapot? - Teapot? 537 00:36:51,343 --> 00:36:52,876 - [ Belt whips ] - Ow! 538 00:36:52,878 --> 00:36:55,579 - Ow! - The one you had on the television. 539 00:36:55,581 --> 00:36:57,781 It's a precious family heirloom. 540 00:36:57,783 --> 00:37:03,853 Our grandmother risked her life to save that teapot during the holocaust. 541 00:37:03,855 --> 00:37:06,790 - I bought it from the old lady. She gave me a really good deal. - Impossible. 542 00:37:06,792 --> 00:37:09,326 [ John groaning ] 543 00:37:14,732 --> 00:37:17,968 It was the last thing she talked about before she passed. 544 00:37:17,970 --> 00:37:21,338 She said her teapot was missing. 545 00:37:21,340 --> 00:37:21,938 She died? 546 00:37:24,575 --> 00:37:25,308 Aah! 547 00:37:26,777 --> 00:37:28,011 Where is it? 548 00:37:28,013 --> 00:37:31,681 We sold it! We sold the teapot. 549 00:37:31,683 --> 00:37:34,584 So where's the cash? We want the money! 550 00:37:34,586 --> 00:37:38,688 - [ John groans ] - Stop it! 551 00:37:38,690 --> 00:37:41,958 Please stop. It's just five grand, and you can keep the change. 552 00:37:41,960 --> 00:37:43,927 Where did all this come from? From my bra. 553 00:37:43,929 --> 00:37:46,429 - It's the rainy day fund. - Is there more? 554 00:37:46,431 --> 00:37:47,964 No, no. Look. 555 00:37:47,966 --> 00:37:49,933 Oh. 556 00:37:55,439 --> 00:37:57,474 One bad deed for another, huh? 557 00:38:03,347 --> 00:38:06,983 Oh, baby. Are you okay? I'm so, so, so sorry. 558 00:38:06,985 --> 00:38:10,053 Is anything broken? Ow. [ sighs ] 559 00:38:10,055 --> 00:38:12,956 We have to find out what the hell this thing is. Okay. 560 00:38:12,958 --> 00:38:15,558 [ Bell tolls ] 561 00:38:20,331 --> 00:38:24,901 Ce30, period, 415g, period. 562 00:38:24,903 --> 00:38:27,304 Wait. Wait. 563 00:38:29,073 --> 00:38:33,043 A practical history of magical objects and potions. 564 00:38:33,045 --> 00:38:35,979 [ John ] it's the biggest book I've ever seen in my entire life. 565 00:38:37,315 --> 00:38:39,949 <i>The legend</i> <i>of the brass teapot.</i> 566 00:38:39,951 --> 00:38:41,384 Wow. 567 00:38:43,621 --> 00:38:46,489 The legend of the brass teapot first appeared in folklore... 568 00:38:46,491 --> 00:38:49,526 Around the time of Christ’s crucifixion. 569 00:38:49,528 --> 00:38:51,828 [ Snaps ] that's what the scholar at the <i>roadshow</i> said, 570 00:38:51,830 --> 00:38:53,997 That it was probably from first or second century. 571 00:38:53,999 --> 00:38:57,400 It also says... 572 00:38:57,402 --> 00:39:01,838 That the teapot possesses extraordinary and inexplicable powers. 573 00:39:01,840 --> 00:39:04,007 - Well, that's one way of putting it. - Right? 574 00:39:06,811 --> 00:39:10,513 [ Muttering ] it's like it just goes on forever and ever and ever. 575 00:39:10,515 --> 00:39:12,882 Oh, my God. 576 00:39:14,618 --> 00:39:15,719 Oh, here, here. I have one. 577 00:39:15,721 --> 00:39:17,587 Oh, whoopsie. 578 00:39:17,589 --> 00:39:19,055 [ Coughs ] 579 00:39:22,727 --> 00:39:25,628 - Shh. - Shh! 580 00:39:25,630 --> 00:39:27,097 [ Whispers ] there's no one else here. 581 00:39:27,099 --> 00:39:29,733 This book just goes on and on and on. 582 00:39:29,735 --> 00:39:31,968 All these different temples and religions. Let me see. 583 00:39:34,138 --> 00:39:38,842 "Bhardwaj warned that those associated with ownership of the teapot... 584 00:39:38,844 --> 00:39:41,077 Were in for unsavory consequences, 585 00:39:43,381 --> 00:39:44,814 including.." 586 00:39:49,086 --> 00:39:52,622 No! Somebody ripped out the page. 587 00:39:52,624 --> 00:39:56,526 - What? - Why would somebody rip out the page? 588 00:39:56,528 --> 00:39:59,529 No! What do you think "unsavory consequences" mean? 589 00:39:59,531 --> 00:40:03,700 I don't know. But it's a really old book, you know? 590 00:40:03,702 --> 00:40:07,103 And we're probably not gonna learn that much more from it right now. 591 00:40:07,105 --> 00:40:09,873 I think we should go have fun. I think we should go spend our money. 592 00:40:09,875 --> 00:40:11,875 Can you look at my face for a second? 593 00:40:11,877 --> 00:40:16,646 Two Hasidic jewish men came and beat the shit out of me in my own house... 594 00:40:16,648 --> 00:40:18,481 When...