Memoir of a Snail

"My new brothers are all morons. 416 00:30:59,320 --> 00:31:02,150 One of them is always staring." 417 00:31:06,914 --> 00:31:09,640 Worship the baby Jesus! 418 00:31:13,023 --> 00:31:16,233 Gilbert: "I have to work in the orchard after school. 419 00:31:16,337 --> 00:31:19,305 The brothers get the better jobs." 420 00:31:21,445 --> 00:31:24,724 "Ruth said if I'm going to be a good orchardman 421 00:31:24,828 --> 00:31:28,625 I'd have to start at the bottom and work my way up." 422 00:31:30,661 --> 00:31:32,905 "I'd rather eat glass." 423 00:31:38,186 --> 00:31:40,464 "Anyway they can all get stuffed 424 00:31:40,568 --> 00:31:43,571 because as soon as I'm old enough and got money 425 00:31:43,674 --> 00:31:45,918 I'm coming to get you. 426 00:31:46,022 --> 00:31:49,715 I'll walk across that big burning desert. 427 00:31:49,818 --> 00:31:51,855 We'll escape to Paris. 428 00:31:51,959 --> 00:31:55,169 I'll become a fire eater. 429 00:31:55,272 --> 00:31:57,999 And you'll become an amazing animator!" 430 00:31:58,103 --> 00:32:00,243 [ Cheers and applause ] 431 00:32:06,732 --> 00:32:08,941 "It'll be great." 432 00:32:09,045 --> 00:32:11,702 [ Grace crying ] 433 00:32:23,576 --> 00:32:26,200 Grace: Gilbert's letters gave me hope. 434 00:32:26,303 --> 00:32:28,927 So I tried to get on with life 435 00:32:29,030 --> 00:32:31,999 squashing my sorrows down into my shoes 436 00:32:32,102 --> 00:32:34,311 as the years dragged on. 437 00:32:34,415 --> 00:32:36,175 To pass time, 438 00:32:36,279 --> 00:32:40,283 I began volunteering at the local library. 439 00:32:40,386 --> 00:32:44,839 One of my jobs was to erase rude drawings done by boys. 440 00:32:44,943 --> 00:32:46,910 [ Gasps ] 441 00:32:47,014 --> 00:32:49,706 That's when I first met Pinky. 442 00:32:51,639 --> 00:32:55,332 I saw her returning books into a rubbish bin. 443 00:32:55,436 --> 00:32:58,128 She thought it was the return chute 444 00:32:58,232 --> 00:33:01,614 and had been doing it for months. 445 00:33:01,718 --> 00:33:03,651 - Excuse me? - Hmm? 446 00:33:03,754 --> 00:33:05,032 Um... 447 00:33:05,135 --> 00:33:07,724 She was mortified when I explained. 448 00:33:07,827 --> 00:33:09,415 Ah, poo. 449 00:33:09,519 --> 00:33:11,900 Grace: Don't worry, I won't turn you in. 450 00:33:12,004 --> 00:33:16,733 Oh, thank you dear. Bless your cotton socks. 451 00:33:16,836 --> 00:33:18,735 What's your name? 452 00:33:18,838 --> 00:33:20,633 Grace Pudel. 453 00:33:20,737 --> 00:33:22,773 Oh, I'm Pinky. 454 00:33:22,877 --> 00:33:25,880 Just Pinky. Like Cher. 455 00:33:25,984 --> 00:33:28,434 Or Liberace. 456 00:33:28,538 --> 00:33:30,747 Or Prince. 457 00:33:30,850 --> 00:33:32,991 Casanova. 458 00:33:33,094 --> 00:33:35,476 Popeye. 459 00:33:35,579 --> 00:33:38,099 People call me Pinky because of this. 460 00:33:38,203 --> 00:33:41,344 Lost it dancing in Barcelona. 461 00:33:46,590 --> 00:33:48,420 Argh! 462 00:33:51,975 --> 00:33:54,564 Why are you dressed like an ant? 463 00:33:54,667 --> 00:33:58,361 Oh, um... 464 00:33:58,464 --> 00:33:59,879 No, I'm a snail. 465 00:33:59,983 --> 00:34:03,711 Oh! [ Chuckles ] Funny. 466 00:34:03,814 --> 00:34:06,645 I used to think I was a pigeon. 467 00:34:06,748 --> 00:34:08,129 [ Cooing ] 468 00:34:08,233 --> 00:34:10,235 Grace: She was a true eccentric 469 00:34:10,338 --> 00:34:14,515 and smelt like ginger and secondhand shops. 470 00:34:14,618 --> 00:34:17,690 [ Cooing ] 471 00:34:17,794 --> 00:34:20,038 Pinky: Dickhead! 472 00:34:20,141 --> 00:34:22,385 Grace: She clothed herself in corduroy 473 00:34:22,488 --> 00:34:25,560 and her face had more wrinkles than her jacket. 474 00:34:25,664 --> 00:34:29,737 It was hard to know where the fabric ended and her skin began. 475 00:34:29,840 --> 00:34:31,704 Apart from you, Sylvia, 476 00:34:31,808 --> 00:34:35,018 she was my first real friend. 477 00:34:35,122 --> 00:34:39,298 My only real friend. 478 00:34:39,402 --> 00:34:41,611 She'd lived an amazing life. 479 00:34:41,714 --> 00:34:45,166 I thought one day I might make a film about her. 480 00:34:45,270 --> 00:34:48,721 She'd seen the Northern Lights. 481 00:34:48,825 --> 00:34:50,999 Floated in the Dead Sea. 482 00:34:51,103 --> 00:34:52,829 [ Pinky humming ] 483 00:34:55,349 --> 00:34:58,421 Grace: Been an exotic dancer in a schnitzel bar. 484 00:35:05,152 --> 00:35:08,948 Won a bee beard contest. 485 00:35:09,052 --> 00:35:10,433 Pinky: My turn. 486 00:35:10,536 --> 00:35:13,091 Grace: Bathed with a snow monkey. 487 00:35:14,713 --> 00:35:19,442 Made love to John Denver in a helicopter. 488 00:35:19,545 --> 00:35:22,790 Pinky: Take me home, country road! 489 00:35:25,517 --> 00:35:30,108 Grace: And once played ping pong with Fidel Castro. 490 00:35:30,211 --> 00:35:34,767 [ Announcer speaking Spanish ] 491 00:35:34,871 --> 00:35:36,217 Grace: She'd never been sick. 492 00:35:36,321 --> 00:35:38,978 Her secret to longevity were coffee enemas 493 00:35:39,082 --> 00:35:41,843 and a daily shot of ginger wine. 494 0...