Smile

my grandfather</i> 396 00:35:39,440 --> 00:35:41,520 <i>who died in front of me when I was seven.</i> 397 00:35:42,200 --> 00:35:43,880 <i>But it's all the same thing. It...</i> 398 00:35:44,640 --> 00:35:47,520 <i>It's smiling at me, but not a friendly smile.</i> 399 00:35:47,600 --> 00:35:49,560 <i>It's the worst smile I've ever seen in my life.</i> 400 00:35:49,640 --> 00:35:52,360 <i>Whenever I see it, I just get this god-awful feeling</i> 401 00:35:52,440 --> 00:35:55,360 <i>like something really terrible is gonna happen.</i> 402 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,280 <i>Oh, my God! No! No!</i> 403 00:35:59,360 --> 00:36:01,400 <i>No! It's here! Please!</i> 404 00:36:01,920 --> 00:36:04,680 <i>Get away! Please! No!</i> 405 00:36:06,640 --> 00:36:10,760 <i>I have a patient emergency in eval 2. I need staff here now. Hurry.</i> 406 00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:13,760 <i>Laura?</i> 407 00:36:24,440 --> 00:36:25,440 <i>Laura?</i> 408 00:36:36,560 --> 00:36:37,560 <i>Laura?</i> 409 00:36:38,160 --> 00:36:40,160 <i>Rose.</i> 410 00:36:48,080 --> 00:36:49,080 <i>Laura?</i> 411 00:36:57,720 --> 00:36:58,720 Rose! 412 00:37:09,960 --> 00:37:10,960 Rose? 413 00:37:11,280 --> 00:37:13,840 Whoa! My God! Rose! Rose! Whoa, whoa! 414 00:37:13,920 --> 00:37:16,200 What the fuck? Rose, put the knife down! 415 00:37:20,400 --> 00:37:21,400 Rose! 416 00:37:38,960 --> 00:37:39,960 Hi. 417 00:37:41,800 --> 00:37:42,840 Rose? 418 00:37:44,480 --> 00:37:45,800 This is a surprise. 419 00:37:48,640 --> 00:37:51,200 It wasn't so much the blood. 420 00:37:51,280 --> 00:37:52,440 It was... 421 00:37:53,600 --> 00:37:54,760 her face. 422 00:37:55,440 --> 00:37:57,160 The look that she had. 423 00:37:58,320 --> 00:37:59,520 How did it make you feel? 424 00:38:02,880 --> 00:38:04,360 Terrified, obviously. 425 00:38:08,600 --> 00:38:09,800 Vulnerable. 426 00:38:10,520 --> 00:38:11,640 Guilty. 427 00:38:12,240 --> 00:38:13,240 Guilty? 428 00:38:14,080 --> 00:38:15,400 Well, she was my patient. 429 00:38:15,480 --> 00:38:19,120 She was a disturbed young woman you only met for ten minutes. 430 00:38:20,520 --> 00:38:21,520 Yeah. I just... 431 00:38:23,520 --> 00:38:24,936 I just feel like I've gotten stuck on it. 432 00:38:24,960 --> 00:38:27,120 I can't, you know, get it out of my head. 433 00:38:27,360 --> 00:38:30,400 Have you considered the reason you feel stuck 434 00:38:31,000 --> 00:38:33,520 could actually be more about your mother's suicide? 435 00:38:38,000 --> 00:38:39,680 Do you still blame yourself? 436 00:38:41,760 --> 00:38:42,760 That... 437 00:38:43,400 --> 00:38:47,760 I'm really not trying to relitigate that part of my life right now. So... 438 00:38:49,400 --> 00:38:51,240 What would you like to talk about? 439 00:38:52,440 --> 00:38:58,080 I was hoping that I could get a script for Risperdal. 440 00:39:04,080 --> 00:39:05,360 Ever since that... 441 00:39:07,400 --> 00:39:08,960 patient, I've been... 442 00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:12,360 seeing things... 443 00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:14,920 and hearing things. 444 00:39:16,680 --> 00:39:19,360 I'm sure it's just a symptom of post-trauma. 445 00:39:19,440 --> 00:39:21,760 Let's avoid any self-diagnosis. 446 00:39:23,280 --> 00:39:25,480 What is it you've been seeing and hearing? 447 00:39:29,080 --> 00:39:31,320 Echoes of what happened with my patient. 448 00:39:31,920 --> 00:39:36,520 You know, just fleeting moments of stress-induced hallucinations. 449 00:39:37,920 --> 00:39:41,680 But when they're happening, they feel so... 450 00:39:42,920 --> 00:39:46,440 corporeal and unsettling. 451 00:39:48,360 --> 00:39:49,480 Rose, from where I'm sitting 452 00:39:49,520 --> 00:39:51,880 you don't seem delusional or disordered to me. 453 00:39:52,760 --> 00:39:54,640 And certainly not psychotic. 454 00:39:54,880 --> 00:39:57,560 It's my impression this experience with your patient 455 00:39:57,640 --> 00:39:58,760 triggered old anxieties 456 00:39:58,840 --> 00:40:01,200 compounded with too much stress, not enough sleep. 457 00:40:01,520 --> 00:40:04,680 You have wounds that have never fully healed. 458 00:40:06,920 --> 00:40:08,816 And it's just possible they never will completely. 459 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:09,960 That's the nature of trauma. 460 00:40:10,400 --> 00:40:12,800 But you can learn to get control over it. 461 00:40:14,680 --> 00:40:17,400 Have you been continuing to see patients 462 00:40:17,480 --> 00:40:19,040 while you've been coping with all this? 463 00:40:19,360 --> 00:40:20,360 No. 464 00:40:20,560 --> 00:40:22,040 I'm just taking a short hiatus. 465 00:40:22,320 --> 00:40:23,320 Good. 466 00:40:24,520 --> 00:40:27,680 If you want my advice, use this time to do something different. 467 00:40:27,800 --> 00:40:29,080 Anything that will ...