Tell Me Who I Am

that the rules hadn't changed. 417 00:24:05,916 --> 00:24:07,666 They became even more stringent. 418 00:24:12,541 --> 00:24:15,500 Mom still didn't want us to have a key. 419 00:24:19,458 --> 00:24:23,333 But I asked Marcus about it, and he just told me not to worry. 420 00:24:25,291 --> 00:24:26,208 So I didn't. 421 00:24:39,458 --> 00:24:41,000 And I jump five years later, 422 00:24:43,083 --> 00:24:46,375 and there she was, lying at the bottom of the stairs, unconscious. 423 00:24:48,416 --> 00:24:50,416 [Marcus] She's got a brain tumor in her head 424 00:24:51,416 --> 00:24:53,291 that was fatal. 425 00:24:58,333 --> 00:25:00,791 [Alex] I found the whole thing very upsetting. 426 00:25:03,541 --> 00:25:05,291 I did grow to love my mother. 427 00:25:07,375 --> 00:25:11,291 And, you know, and become very close to her. 428 00:25:17,208 --> 00:25:19,125 She said that she would miss us, 429 00:25:19,708 --> 00:25:23,125 and, um... and that she loved us. 430 00:25:23,250 --> 00:25:24,166 [inhales] 431 00:25:24,958 --> 00:25:28,708 And it was at that moment... she slipped away. 432 00:25:31,166 --> 00:25:32,791 I just cried 433 00:25:34,166 --> 00:25:35,750 for quite some time. 434 00:25:38,375 --> 00:25:39,458 But Marcus didn't. 435 00:25:41,875 --> 00:25:43,333 No emotion at all. 436 00:25:45,250 --> 00:25:46,083 [Marcus] I felt... 437 00:25:47,958 --> 00:25:48,833 nothing. 438 00:25:50,625 --> 00:25:54,708 I didn't feel any guilt for feeling nothing, 439 00:25:54,791 --> 00:25:58,083 I didn't feel sad. I didn't feel... 440 00:25:59,583 --> 00:26:02,000 relieved. I just felt nothing. 441 00:26:08,083 --> 00:26:10,125 [Alex] I know my brother inside out. 442 00:26:10,708 --> 00:26:13,458 We are twins. We know everything about each other, 443 00:26:14,166 --> 00:26:18,416 yet he has handled this situation in a completely different way to me. 444 00:26:19,541 --> 00:26:21,791 And it bothered me a lot. 445 00:26:27,833 --> 00:26:32,500 After the funeral, we went back to Duke's Cottage 446 00:26:33,125 --> 00:26:36,250 and walked back into our house with our key. 447 00:26:37,166 --> 00:26:42,583 And we started clearing up this vast house and its outbuildings, 448 00:26:43,166 --> 00:26:45,708 -which were full of stuff. -[door opens] 449 00:26:45,791 --> 00:26:47,791 [eerie music playing] 450 00:26:48,625 --> 00:26:52,500 We started with the downstairs, throwing things away, 451 00:26:53,541 --> 00:26:57,708 and every now and again you would find a jam jar 452 00:26:57,791 --> 00:26:59,833 full of 50-pound notes. 453 00:27:00,791 --> 00:27:03,166 And then some tied into the back of a curtain. 454 00:27:06,833 --> 00:27:09,750 And I'm starting to think, “That's a bit strange.” 455 00:27:12,208 --> 00:27:14,500 And we're going into bathrooms. 456 00:27:15,750 --> 00:27:19,333 One bathroom in particular there was this huge wardrobe 457 00:27:20,375 --> 00:27:21,666 full of sex toys. 458 00:27:25,500 --> 00:27:28,333 Marcus and I looked in it. I was really, really shocked. 459 00:27:29,666 --> 00:27:32,791 But he didn't really show much emotion, 460 00:27:33,208 --> 00:27:34,875 just kept reassuring me, 461 00:27:34,958 --> 00:27:37,833 "Never mind about that, put it to one side. Let's get on." 462 00:27:38,416 --> 00:27:39,625 [door opens] 463 00:27:41,833 --> 00:27:43,416 And when we got into the attic, 464 00:27:44,041 --> 00:27:46,875 there was our childhood. 465 00:27:50,250 --> 00:27:55,250 All our school books, all our baby clothes. 466 00:27:56,666 --> 00:27:59,708 And then boxes and boxes of presents 467 00:28:00,333 --> 00:28:03,666 that have been given to us for every Christmas and every birthday 468 00:28:04,083 --> 00:28:08,375 from our godfathers, aunts, uncles. 469 00:28:09,750 --> 00:28:14,583 We spent every birthday and Christmas with no presents from anybody. 470 00:28:16,250 --> 00:28:18,583 She kept every single one. 471 00:28:22,250 --> 00:28:25,166 It made my mother much more complicated. 472 00:28:27,708 --> 00:28:31,458 Who was this lady? What do I not know about her? 473 00:28:36,375 --> 00:28:39,291 And we started clearing Mommy's room. 474 00:28:45,416 --> 00:28:46,875 [sliding door opening] 475 00:28:48,125 --> 00:28:50,416 We were in the back of a cupboard, 476 00:28:50,875 --> 00:28:54,666 and you get through all these tons and tons of coats and clothes, 477 00:28:55,166 --> 00:29:00,041 and at the back you find a secret door to a cupboard within a cupboard. 478 00:29:00,583 --> 00:29:04,208 Of course, it's locked. So we have to find a key. 479 00:29:05,708 --> 00:29:07,708 [clattering] 480 00:29:19,541 --> 00:29:24,000 And inside there is a photograph 481 00:29:24,958 --> 00:29:26,500 of me and Marcus, 482 00:29:28,125 --> 00:29:31,583 aged around ten, and we're naked 483 00:29:32,750 --> 00:29:34,125 with our heads cut off. 484 00:29:37,791 --> 00:29:42,333 [tearfully] It was too weird. It was just too, too strange. 485 00:29:43,000 --> 00:29:44,916 What the hell was she doing 486 00: