Mr. Saturday Night

948 00:38:28,506 --> 00:38:30,339 "This is what we sent you 949 00:38:30,408 --> 00:38:31,408 "to college for? 950 00:38:31,476 --> 00:38:33,376 "So you could be 25 and still single? 951 00:38:33,444 --> 00:38:35,511 "Your sister rose doesn't have half your looks, 952 00:38:35,580 --> 00:38:37,180 "and she's married." 953 00:38:37,248 --> 00:38:39,114 You're 25, and you still come up here 954 00:38:39,184 --> 00:38:40,316 with your parents? 955 00:38:40,385 --> 00:38:42,117 Well, the hotel has spinster rates. 956 00:38:42,187 --> 00:38:44,587 Wow! Double off the scoreboard. 957 00:38:44,656 --> 00:38:46,289 2 runners score on that. 958 00:38:46,357 --> 00:38:47,623 You're very funny, Elaine. 959 00:38:47,692 --> 00:38:48,624 No... 960 00:38:48,693 --> 00:38:50,493 No, you are. Yeah. 961 00:38:52,497 --> 00:38:54,497 I'm trying to make up with them. 962 00:38:54,566 --> 00:38:55,931 They're angry at me. 963 00:38:56,000 --> 00:38:57,433 Your parents? 964 00:38:58,570 --> 00:39:00,703 I was supposed to get married last month, 965 00:39:00,771 --> 00:39:02,071 and I backed out. 966 00:39:02,139 --> 00:39:03,406 Oh. 967 00:39:03,474 --> 00:39:05,374 My dad lost the deposit. 968 00:39:06,110 --> 00:39:08,244 It was a nightmare. 969 00:39:08,313 --> 00:39:10,313 I said, "dad, look on the bright side. 970 00:39:10,381 --> 00:39:12,781 "Now 140 cornish hens don't have to die!" 971 00:39:16,854 --> 00:39:19,322 Who were you supposed to marry? 972 00:39:19,390 --> 00:39:21,457 Herb, "the shower door king." 973 00:39:21,526 --> 00:39:23,459 I was at his coronation! 974 00:39:25,062 --> 00:39:27,663 It was a lovely affair. 975 00:39:27,732 --> 00:39:30,566 Oh, he was all right. He was... 976 00:39:31,202 --> 00:39:32,335 A <i>putz?</i> 977 00:39:32,403 --> 00:39:33,469 The biggest. 978 00:39:34,505 --> 00:39:37,306 All he ever talked about was shower doors. 979 00:39:37,375 --> 00:39:38,541 You know, i started thinking, 980 00:39:38,610 --> 00:39:39,842 this is the rest of my life, 981 00:39:39,910 --> 00:39:41,277 listening to him whine 982 00:39:41,346 --> 00:39:42,778 about what New York City water 983 00:39:42,847 --> 00:39:44,547 does to a chrome finish? 984 00:39:47,685 --> 00:39:50,219 My parents pushed and pushed, but... 985 00:39:51,522 --> 00:39:53,489 It's not what I want. 986 00:39:53,558 --> 00:39:55,057 What do you want? 987 00:39:55,126 --> 00:39:57,860 Ed, "the toilet seat czar"? He's available. 988 00:40:00,365 --> 00:40:03,098 I don't know what I want. 989 00:40:03,167 --> 00:40:05,468 I don't even know what there is. 990 00:40:06,871 --> 00:40:11,240 <i>♪ ...one little angel that I'll stand by ♪</i> 991 00:40:12,176 --> 00:40:13,976 <i>♪ fantastic ♪</i> 992 00:40:14,044 --> 00:40:19,214 <i>♪ fantastic, that's you ♪</i> 993 00:40:19,284 --> 00:40:22,585 does your brother bring you a girl after every show? 994 00:40:24,689 --> 00:40:26,589 No, no, no, no. 995 00:40:26,658 --> 00:40:27,723 See, I... I... 996 00:40:27,792 --> 00:40:30,092 I saw you... From the stage, 997 00:40:31,228 --> 00:40:33,228 and I wanted to meet you. 998 00:40:33,264 --> 00:40:35,431 So Stan went, you know, 999 00:40:35,500 --> 00:40:36,632 to get you, because 1000 00:40:36,701 --> 00:40:39,101 I... I was, you know, had to change. 1001 00:40:41,539 --> 00:40:44,273 This isn't an all-the-time thing, you know. 1002 00:40:44,342 --> 00:40:47,410 Stan and I spend all our time workin' on the act. 1003 00:40:47,478 --> 00:40:49,612 We don't have a lot of, uh... 1004 00:40:49,681 --> 00:40:51,647 What are they called? 1005 00:40:51,716 --> 00:40:53,081 Women. Hmm? 1006 00:40:54,419 --> 00:40:55,618 Mm-hmm. 1007 00:41:01,392 --> 00:41:02,991 So, what's it like? 1008 00:41:03,060 --> 00:41:04,126 What? 1009 00:41:04,195 --> 00:41:06,495 What you do... Being a comedian. 1010 00:41:07,565 --> 00:41:09,699 I just can't imagine standing up there 1011 00:41:09,767 --> 00:41:11,734 in front of all those strange people. 1012 00:41:11,803 --> 00:41:14,537 It's what I do. You know, it's my job. 1013 00:41:14,605 --> 00:41:16,639 It's an odd job, but it's my job. 1014 00:41:16,708 --> 00:41:18,774 I mean, some nights are better than others. 1015 00:41:18,843 --> 00:41:20,275 It's so strange. Like last night, 1016 00:41:20,345 --> 00:41:22,578 I couldn't buy a laugh. I mean, nothin'. 1017 00:41:22,647 --> 00:41:24,079 The audience just sat there. 1018 00:41:24,148 --> 00:41:27,216 They were like, uh, nuremberg with drinks. 1019 00:41:27,284 --> 00:41:29,117 And it's the same exact show that you saw! 1020 00:41:29,186 --> 00:41:30,386 I mean, I came out, 1021 00:41:30,455 --> 00:41:32,455 and I said, "good evening, ladies and gentlemen," 1022 00:41:32,523 --> 00:41:33,789 and a gu