First Reformed

450 00:32:50,159 --> 00:32:51,327 I understand, I... 451 00:32:52,662 --> 00:32:54,497 I care about you. I want you to be happy. 452 00:32:57,458 --> 00:32:58,584 Well, I am happy. 453 00:33:05,735 --> 00:33:07,862 <i>Some are called for their gregariousness.</i> 454 00:33:08,822 --> 00:33:10,489 <i>Some are called for their suffering.</i> 455 00:33:12,282 --> 00:33:14,284 <i>Others are called for their loneliness.</i> 456 00:33:15,661 --> 00:33:16,703 <i>They are called by God</i> 457 00:33:16,787 --> 00:33:18,664 <i>because through the vessel of communication,</i> 458 00:33:18,747 --> 00:33:19,873 <i>they can reach out</i> 459 00:33:19,957 --> 00:33:21,959 <i>and hold beating hearts in their hands.</i> 460 00:33:24,294 --> 00:33:26,713 <i>They are called because of their all-consuming knowledge</i> 461 00:33:26,797 --> 00:33:28,757 <i>of the emptiness of all things</i> 462 00:33:29,258 --> 00:33:32,427 <i>that can only be filled by the presence of our Savior.</i> 463 00:33:38,308 --> 00:33:40,060 - Yes? - <i>Reverend Toller?</i> 464 00:33:40,144 --> 00:33:41,145 - Oh! - <i>It's me.</i> 465 00:33:41,228 --> 00:33:42,146 Yes, Mary? 466 00:33:43,187 --> 00:33:45,523 I got your message about rescheduling. 467 00:33:45,606 --> 00:33:47,984 <i>You must come over. Now.</i> 468 00:33:49,193 --> 00:33:51,696 - Is Michael there? - <i>No, he's at work.</i> 469 00:33:51,779 --> 00:33:55,283 - <i>You must come over now.</i> - Okay. Okay. 470 00:34:20,360 --> 00:34:21,278 Thanks for coming. 471 00:34:25,448 --> 00:34:26,449 Follow me. 472 00:34:44,384 --> 00:34:48,262 I was looking for some batteries 'cause we were out. 473 00:34:48,345 --> 00:34:50,973 And I thought maybe there'd be some in here, you know? 474 00:34:51,056 --> 00:34:54,143 And then something just didn't seem right. 475 00:34:56,270 --> 00:34:58,147 Okay, I put everything back the way I found it, 476 00:34:58,230 --> 00:35:01,984 'cause I wanted you to see how it was. 477 00:35:18,585 --> 00:35:19,753 Explosives? 478 00:35:21,171 --> 00:35:22,505 It's a suicide vest. 479 00:35:23,757 --> 00:35:25,091 And there's other elements in there, too. 480 00:35:25,175 --> 00:35:30,055 There's batteries and detonators and tubes of jelly. 481 00:35:32,807 --> 00:35:35,769 You know, he'd been working in the garage lately, 482 00:35:35,852 --> 00:35:38,938 and he said he was fixing a motor. 483 00:35:39,814 --> 00:35:41,232 And I didn't question him. 484 00:35:41,316 --> 00:35:42,609 'Cause I was just happy 485 00:35:42,692 --> 00:35:44,903 that he was doing something that made him happy. 486 00:35:45,320 --> 00:35:46,988 But you had no idea that he was thinking of... 487 00:35:47,072 --> 00:35:50,199 No, no suspicions. Nothing like this. 488 00:35:50,282 --> 00:35:52,868 All right, well, I'm gonna take this, all right? 489 00:35:52,951 --> 00:35:54,495 This cannot remain here. 490 00:35:54,578 --> 00:35:58,457 I'm gonna take it and dispose of it. And... 491 00:35:58,540 --> 00:36:00,209 You're not gonna go to the police? 492 00:36:00,793 --> 00:36:02,461 No, I won't... do you... do you want me to? 493 00:36:02,544 --> 00:36:05,422 - No! No, no, no. - I don't think it'd help. 494 00:36:05,506 --> 00:36:07,299 I don't think anything good 495 00:36:07,383 --> 00:36:09,093 will come from him feeling threatened. 496 00:36:09,593 --> 00:36:12,638 I'm gonna come over tomorrow. Tomorrow. 497 00:36:13,681 --> 00:36:17,226 Somehow, through conversation, I will address this. 498 00:36:19,478 --> 00:36:20,688 I'm so frightened. 499 00:36:20,771 --> 00:36:22,730 You don't mean that he... you're afraid of him? 500 00:36:22,814 --> 00:36:24,273 - That he's gonna hurt you, right? - No. 501 00:36:24,357 --> 00:36:26,234 - No, no, no. I'm afraid for him. - No? Okay, all right. 502 00:36:26,317 --> 00:36:27,485 You know, are there other activists, 503 00:36:27,568 --> 00:36:29,821 - like, coming around, calling? - No. There's nobody. 504 00:36:29,904 --> 00:36:32,824 He has no friends. He's barely even sociable, so. 505 00:36:33,491 --> 00:36:34,575 All right, but he has you. 506 00:36:36,035 --> 00:36:36,994 - Yeah. - You'll stand by him? 507 00:36:37,537 --> 00:36:40,123 - Yeah, absolutely. - All right. Well, so will I. 508 00:36:54,720 --> 00:36:57,514 <i>Discernment intersects with Christian life at every moment.</i> 509 00:37:00,350 --> 00:37:01,268 <i>Discernment.</i> 510 00:37:04,396 --> 00:37:07,858 <i>Listening and waiting for God's wish what action must be taken.</i> 511 00:37:23,707 --> 00:37:26,083 <i>My petty ailments have made me bad-tempered.</i> 512 00:37:27,334 --> 00:37:30,504 <i>I fight the urge not to write down the thoughts which come to my mind.</i> 513 00:37:35,342 --> 00:37:38,228 <i>The desire to pray itself is a type of prayer.</i> 514 00:37:39,388 --> 00:37:43,768 <i>How often we ask for genuine experience when all we really want is emotion.</i> 515 00:37:48,814 --> 00:37:51,150 <i>My hands shake as I write these lines.</i> 516 0