Once Upon a Deadpool

Huggies Natural Care wet wipes. 723 00:36:36,427 --> 00:36:37,827 That's your main course. 724 00:36:37,829 --> 00:36:41,664 They're soft, they're moist. They're for babies. 725 00:36:41,666 --> 00:36:44,768 Finally, one more pass with the toilet paper, 726 00:36:44,770 --> 00:36:46,568 maybe clear out that excess moisture. 727 00:36:46,570 --> 00:36:48,271 Maybe treat yourself to a blow and go, 728 00:36:48,273 --> 00:36:49,539 if you can get you a hair dryer. 729 00:36:49,541 --> 00:36:52,211 Just about 30 seconds will do you good. 730 00:36:55,780 --> 00:36:56,949 What the heck? 731 00:36:57,982 --> 00:36:59,217 Year? 732 00:37:00,018 --> 00:37:01,220 What? 733 00:37:02,186 --> 00:37:03,820 What year is it? 734 00:37:03,822 --> 00:37:06,224 What kind of dummy question is that to ask? 735 00:37:25,242 --> 00:37:27,809 You're a long way from your superpowers. 736 00:37:27,811 --> 00:37:28,813 Yeah. 737 00:37:33,284 --> 00:37:35,552 I wanted to be a superhero. 738 00:37:35,554 --> 00:37:37,820 Always wanted a real super suit. 739 00:37:37,822 --> 00:37:39,489 What happened? 740 00:37:39,491 --> 00:37:41,611 When was the last time you saw a plus-sized superhero? 741 00:37:42,125 --> 00:37:43,592 Never. 742 00:37:43,594 --> 00:37:46,195 The industry discriminates. 743 00:37:46,197 --> 00:37:47,996 Forget superheroes. 744 00:37:47,998 --> 00:37:50,567 The first thing I wanna do when I get out of here... 745 00:37:50,569 --> 00:37:52,802 burn the headmaster alive... 746 00:37:52,804 --> 00:37:55,538 and then take a selfie with his smoldering corpse. 747 00:37:55,540 --> 00:37:57,840 Who says prison isn't reformative? 748 00:37:57,842 --> 00:37:59,141 What did he do to you? 749 00:37:59,143 --> 00:38:01,177 He thinks we're evil. 750 00:38:01,179 --> 00:38:02,545 Blessed are the wicked 751 00:38:02,547 --> 00:38:05,047 who are healed by my hand. 752 00:38:05,049 --> 00:38:06,450 Your abilities... 753 00:38:07,951 --> 00:38:09,920 I know how seductive they are. 754 00:38:18,630 --> 00:38:22,434 Tomorrow, we'll find the biggest guy in here... 755 00:38:23,400 --> 00:38:24,666 and we'll make him our... 756 00:38:27,806 --> 00:38:29,472 What was that? 757 00:38:29,474 --> 00:38:32,340 That is the biggest guy in here. 758 00:38:32,342 --> 00:38:34,443 Fun fact about the Ice Box... 759 00:38:34,445 --> 00:38:36,346 though no one's ever seen it, 760 00:38:36,348 --> 00:38:38,547 they keep a monster in the basement. 761 00:38:38,549 --> 00:38:40,382 Right next to a huge, 762 00:38:40,384 --> 00:38:42,020 steaming bowl of foreshadowing. 763 00:38:42,719 --> 00:38:43,721 Look. 764 00:38:44,521 --> 00:38:46,956 I can't protect you. 765 00:38:46,958 --> 00:38:48,123 With this collar on, 766 00:38:48,125 --> 00:38:51,260 my superpower is just unbridled cancer. 767 00:38:51,262 --> 00:38:54,663 Give me a bow and arrow, I'm basically Hawkeye. 768 00:38:54,665 --> 00:38:56,766 Now, if you'll excuse me... 769 00:38:56,768 --> 00:39:00,235 I've got tumors to grow. Vanessa awaits. 770 00:39:00,237 --> 00:39:02,570 I'll start by making us a shank. 771 00:39:02,572 --> 00:39:04,539 - Good listening. - I stole that guard's pen... 772 00:39:04,541 --> 00:39:06,541 and stashed it in the old prison wallet, 773 00:39:06,543 --> 00:39:08,510 if you know what I'm saying. 774 00:39:08,512 --> 00:39:11,047 Prison wallet? 775 00:39:11,049 --> 00:39:14,018 I really hope I don't know what you're saying. 776 00:39:19,257 --> 00:39:20,588 <i>And to update you</i> 777 00:39:20,590 --> 00:39:22,090 <i>on the story reported earlier...</i> 778 00:39:22,092 --> 00:39:23,525 <i>after a lengthy standoff</i> 779 00:39:23,527 --> 00:39:26,329 <i>outside the Essex House for Mutant Rehabilitation...</i> 780 00:39:26,331 --> 00:39:27,630 <i>two mutants were arrested</i> 781 00:39:27,632 --> 00:39:29,565 <i>and transported to the Ice Box...</i> 782 00:39:29,567 --> 00:39:31,047 <i>Entering repair mode.</i> 783 00:39:56,795 --> 00:39:57,796 Psst! 784 00:40:00,364 --> 00:40:02,798 Don't do that. 785 00:40:02,800 --> 00:40:05,469 What? Why are you winking at me? 786 00:40:08,038 --> 00:40:09,405 I got your back. 787 00:40:09,407 --> 00:40:10,572 Oh, my God. 788 00:40:10,574 --> 00:40:11,974 You're sick, I gotta protect you. 789 00:40:11,976 --> 00:40:14,079 Just leave me alone, kid. 790 00:40:15,212 --> 00:40:16,447 Oh, great. 791 00:40:18,016 --> 00:40:20,481 Well, hello there, new fish. 792 00:40:20,483 --> 00:40:23,552 It's nice to see some fresh faces around here. 793 00:40:23,554 --> 00:40:25,788 I've done some light catalog work... 794 00:40:25,790 --> 00:40:28,523 but, really, modeling is just a stepping stone to acting. 795 00:40:28,525 --> 00:40:31,327 - I was talking to him. - Oh. 796 00:40:31,329 -